I feel like I should have seen it coming
but I was too caught up in my day to day
and there it was
hot, immediate, startling and raw
I hung my head
I hung my head
the cool of the linoleum on my knees
clutching my chest
I can handle this, I think
I want my mother
but I have to be one
tears sting my eyes
I take a deep breath
try and cool the pain
patch myself up
and move on with my day
mericfully numb
knowing the scar will eventually fade
First of all, this is my journal. It is the place I can write down how I feel honestly, and provide other people who are far away or not so involved in our everyday lives the inside scoop on our everyday situations. What we are going through now is so painful... so detailed and deep that nothing I can say here in a few paragraphs can make you clearly understand, especially since I am just beginning to myself. I will try and write as much as possible both for my own sake and so as to keep you all informed as well.
I need the freedom to write what I feel here. I have that freedom. I welcome your comments, but please bear in mind that I hardly know what's going on in my life right now, and it's impossible for me to formulate the perfect words to truely convey the heart of my thoughts and feelings, and even more impossible for me to find avenues to express myself through that won't offend anyone. This is a time of huge growth and change for everyone involved, and these here are just my thoughts on it.
On that note, there is something I have to clear up regarding my last entry. I do NOT think Randal is a machine, and the sentence directly after I even introduced the word in my entry says so. I even likened him to my own father directly afterward, and they are two of the most dear people to me in the world. I used machine as a metaphor because Randal moves like one... steady, proficient, and never ceasing to fulfill his duty. When functioning properly, the military functions like a well-oiled machine as well. Machines also have the on/off ability, which compares to how I perceive Randal's words towards me. The day after we had the conversation that started this all, every bit of our conversations that were personal, small talk or feeling-oriented were dropped. Just gone. Off. Of COURSE, of course the way we relate to each other has changed- our entire worlds have. That metaphor is only a picture of how the changes feel to me.
Most importantly, the kids are doing well (Aiden has his first two teeth coming in!) and Tobin is, of course, as smart and beautiful as ever. I will post pictures up here as soon as I can. Randal and I talk almost everyday, and are trying to weed through this and make the best decisions we can together. Your continued support on both sides of this is appreciated.
I'm not sure where to start. Today was one of the hardest days of my entire life. All of you on the inner circles of my life already know this, and to the rest of you, this will probably shock you as much as everyone else.
Randal and I are getting a divorce.
Ouch.
Yesterday the shock began to wear off, and I felt the first real pangs of separation . This morning,, I looked at the calendar and realized it has been two weeks exactly since The Phonecall. I was just so overwhelmed and consumed in thoughts and emotions that it's propelling me to write now, though I know this subject is so tender.
To those of you on the "other" side of this, I think you all are wonderful, generous, loyal, loving people and I'm so glad to see such close family ties, and lucky to play whatever role in them I have. I want you to have as much access to Aiden as you want, and I would never dream of keeping him from such a caring and steady network of people who love him, the same as I would never dream of keeping Tobin from his.
My life choices have put me in a precarious position, I know. It's taken two full weeks of introspection to even be able to put my thoughts into words about it, as I am trying to now. Randal called and told me today that he's filed the papers. He's decided to make a career out of the military, and is accepting a position doing some sort of super secret ninja thing in other countries, and we just can't wait years on end trying to maintain, let alone build on a relationship only built in 4 months time.
He told me a couple of months ago that he wanted to get married so soon because he wanted to make it by tax day. How romantic. I was afraid of the social discraces placed upon a single mother with two kids from two different fathers. We really liked each other. It seemed like an obvious match. A smart match. But the thing that he feels deep down feeds his soul makes me unhappy, and vice versa. It's terrible to accept, I know. Sometimes I just want to look at people and scream, "I HURT!" But I've got those boys we all love to love, and I know without a doubt that my love for them can overcome and heal any hurt I have from this, and keep me going when I feel like I absolutely can't. I feel so blessed to be aware of how special and amazing they both are, and to have them in my life, no matter the circumstances.
I still have my same day-to-day lfe here, though I am thinking of moving to Sacramento in a few months where rent (and everything else) is cheaper, since I'll have full financial responsibility (minus child support) and I know that is a lot, and something I am just beginning to get my sea legs with. Sea legs.
Our conversations are so businesslike... it's like he just dissappeared into the blue, just like he came out of it. It's almost like he's some sort of machine... I've never seen anyone work as much and with such precision as Randal- even my dad, and in case you don't know him, that's saying something. Machines also have that amazing on/off ability. Funny thing is of course Randal's a human, and I hope that as he chooses to throw himself into the military machine that he remembers that.
Well, I am exhausted. I am going to attempt to sleep now... I'm doing okay, just so you know. I mean, of course I'm sad and about a million other things, but I know that whatever happens, I have the capability to handle my life and the lives of my children, and that's huge. But now I must rest, because, of course, life goes on, and so do DDGRs, whether I like it or not. Good thing I do. :)
quote for the day: "What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life." Leo Buscaglia
...cont'd
Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. You know, I tried to spell that all as one word, but it just ends up spelling 'hug hug hug' (which is the OPPOSITE of the feeling I'm trying to convey here. (Ughughughughug... See?) And now you know!
Other than the aforementioned trauma, my day was pretty average. I just got done completely redoing my living room and moving around some of Tobin's furniture and now it's SO MUCH better, and I feel SO MUCH better. I spent from 8-ish am to 1:30am working like a crazy woman, (unfortunately, that's not the longest day I've spent working nonstop. Yuck.) but I FINISHED, and now I can chill out a little bit before I attack the upstairs this weekend. Whew.
Anyhow- I just filled in a whole bunch of pictures, and I have even more, so I hope you guys don't mind so many pictures at once, but I'm behind, and you guys are missing the cuteness! But now you aren't going to anymore, since I'm finally getting them up here. If you have any questions about what or who anything/one is, feel free to ask, but if I itemize everything, I'll never get the kids to bed.
Speaking of which, I'd better go.
Yuck, mice.
quote for the day: "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." (or the scream, in my case) Jon Hammond
PS: The two animals in the pictures are my friend Jim Kettleson's new teenytiny longahaired chihuahua, Tinkerbell (aww) and one of Tobin's new hermit crabs, he named Sankyo. (the other one is Yankyo) You guess which one's which. :)
Okay. The first *and* third most traumatic child-related events I've ever had happened happened to me today, and within minutes of each other. (I'll have to save the former first one for later- it involves a similar situation as the third, only with a kitten) Don't worry, no one was hurt, although I think my nerves are still a bit frazzled. What, what was it, you wonder? Well, let me tell you.
I was inside the house at work with Gabby & Aiden, and Tobin was right outside the front door, where I was watching him through the window. The kids are in adventurous and imaginitive phases right now, and I hear ALL SORTS of things on a daily basis, so when I hear, "I got a little bunny! It's soft and squishy!" I don't think much of it. Until Tobin moves to the screen door WAVING A MOUSE at me. I can feel the eyes shoot out of my head, and immediately, I respond ever so calmly with "PutitdownputitdownputitdownputitDOWN, Tobin!!" I couldn't tell if it was alive and writhing or if he was just giving it a generous jiggle. Turns out it was the latter. YEALCH.
So, I bring him into the house, try not to freak him out and wash his hands about 8,605 times. Then I go pick up the poor little GROSS GROSS GROSS dead mouse with a bundled up towel and toss it onto a bush for Sean (Gabby's dad- 'Papa' as the kids -even mine- call him) to deal with. This concludes the third most traumatizing kid experience ever.
*AND THEN* ... oh yes... we're waiting for the clincher, here. And THEN, I go outside, trying to calmly bounce Aiden to sleep in the sling and... man, I'm not even sure I want to think about it enough to say it... ugh. Okay. *Deeep breath.* I'm just going to close my eyes and type it: I STEPPED ON ANOTHER DEAD MOUSE. BAREFOOT. I almost died. Walking along the grass, bouncing Aiden along and a little soft, slightly crunchy little... YUCK. No more. I can't handle it. The most traumatizing babysitting-related (only by geography, since no kids were directly involved) event of my life. Shudder. Guh-ROSS.
...con'td
Well. both my entries so far ended in bodily fluid expulsions How nice. Such is the life of a mother. (And a sister of Porky, apparently!) How about something else? :)
Aiden is almost back to sleep- hooray! That means I can actually DO stuff. I can't believe that I worked ALL DAY LONG yesterday trying to get the house in order and it looks THE FRIGGIN SAME. *sigh* I'm going through every corner of the house and scrubbing, organizing, taking away little things I don't need, clothes I don't wear or the kids have outgrown, storing things away I don't immediately need... there is just TOO MUCH in not enough space here, and I am going to rip my hair out if I have to live with it any longer. The last time I really had the house together was before I left for Vegas over a month ago, and then I was gone and ther was unpacking and children and a mother back from no responsibilities and a husband to herself to full responsibility and no husband. Yeah. Nifty. At least we got away, though.
It blows my mind how much effort it takes to really get things together. I mean have EVERYTHING organized in the house (last time THAT happened was before I had two kids, and I am not kidding myself thinking I'm actually going to get and keep it that way) But I want it organized. When Aiden pukes, I want to know where there are burp rags. I want to be able to reach into a drawer and know where to find a specific outfit. I can actually do those things right now, after many hours of labor, and I'm still working on reoarganizing even more, but trying to do that while keeping up with kids, laundry, bills and dishes is pretty darn tiring.
On that note, the kids are up, so I better go. I'll put pictures up as soon as I get another chance. I hope you all are well, and I promise to write more and more often!
quote for the day: "A sister is both your mirror - and your opposite." Elizabeth Fishel
...cont'd
Two entries long! Well, whaddaya know about that. It's actually a bit later now, since I had to go to work, get the kids down, get some laundry in, get some laundry out and fold it, feed Aiden, make a grocery list... and it goes on. Aiden's watching Baby Galileo in his swing at the moment, and Tobin is still asleep. We went in the pool yesterday (Tobin and I) and it was really fun. We want to go again today after he wakes up, but we'll see if it's still warm enough then. He & Randal will go in if it's over 60 degrees outside. Aiden and I prefer warm water and warm (not HOT) days. I had to buy a wipe warmer when Aiden was a couple weeks old because he would SCREEEEAAAM if you touched his littletinybeebeebooty with a cold wipe. Hey- I understand!
My sisters and I went camping this weekend with Aiden, which was fun. None of us is really a girly girl too much, so it doesn't sound TOO crazy for three girls and a baby to take off for a weekend in the wilderness. We camped by the Russian River, and there was a reggae festival right down the river which was awesome. We had free live music to put up our tent to. Sweeeet.
We had a good time- I always forget how much my sisters and I laugh when we're around each other. I haven't laughed as long and as hard as I did this weekend in months. Man- this is probably going to sound insane becaise I *know* you had to be there, but I'll tell you anyhow. We were hanging out in the tent and I was getting mugs out for tea (hippy camping! What did you expect?) and I was showing Amy my new Irish mug with the Klava on it.
Me: "Hey Amy, check out my new Irish mug!"
Amy: takes a moment to look the cup over, then says thoughtfully, "Noinchip."
Yup. Noinchip. HUH? It sounded a bit more like 'NoYEENchp!'. None of us will ever know where in the world that came from, but we laughed so hard tears were stinging the corners of my eyes, my sides hurt, my cheeks hurt, and frankly, I almost peed my pants. (I didn't, thankyouverymuch.) HA! That brings me to my next story. I had just gotten Aiden to sleep and was shivering in the tent under about a hundred blankets, and suddenly the whole tent lights up and I'm warm for a minute. Ahhhhh. (did I mention Amy like a bit of charcoal with her lighter fluid?) ... and then I hear "I peed! I peed my pants!" from Porky. I was literally rolling around, I was laughing so hard. (hey, it was late!) BTW: I promise you she doesn't care that I'm broadcasting to the general public of the world that she peed her pants. She's cool like that. :)
Man- did anyone know that having a two year old and a six month old by yourself is the busiest thing ever? Just curious. In case you didn't know, it is. I'm just kind of hanging on for the ride at the moment, but don't worry- I've been taking pictures the whole time! :)
So many things have happened, I'm not even sure what to write about. Tobin got REALLY sick for the first time- throwing up and everything.... yum. I even got the pleasure just yesterday of picking encrusted vomit from the tassles of a blanket I didn't know got baptized. The real highlight of a mother's duty, you know? Funny enough, I was just standing there, having a conversation, looking at the little pieces to see if there was any recognizable food. I am now immune (well, almost) to bodily fluid grossness. Or just too tired to care.
Actually, Aiden has started sleeping through the night a little more now. FINALLY. and HOORAY!! He can even sit up for a few minutes by himself, too. Almost all the time, but he usually gets distracted by something (a toy, his brother, whatever) and goes for it and bonks to the floor. He doesn't cry, though. Just keeps on chewing. Still no teeth, but I think I could make up for the California water shortage if I could find a way to tap and filter all the liquid that comes out of his mouth. Geeeez. Of course, my nickname was 'Drooly Julie' when I was his age, so I guess I had to get mine.
I got that horrible sickness Tobin had the day afterwards... NASTY. My sisters, Mom and Dad got it, too. I simply refer to it as 'The Death Flu'. because that is what we all felt like. I was throwing up for two days straight, with a 102 temperature. I was hot, cold, achey, had a stomachache, headache, nausea.... anything and everthing nasty, pretty much. I woke up at 3:00am puking, and by 6:00 I called my mom from the bathroom floor crying and said, "Mom, I'm dying. You HAVE to come over now, the kids are going to be up and I can't move." So my mom and then Grandma came over to help with the kids, THANK the good Lord.
The second day, I was still puking, and my friend Avery came over for a couple of hours, but the whole rest of the day, I had both kids to myself. If there's anything worse than being deathly ill, it's having to take care of two young kids alone with it, AND try and not freak them out by wretching out orange bubbles in the sink (I found out carrot juice is one of the less nasty things the secondround) while making oatmeal. YUMMY, huh?
Okay, I'm grounded. I haven't actually written in almost a month!! I can't believe it- Forgive me! Geez- so much has happened, I'm not sure where to start. Our trip ended up being in Las Vegas, rather than Hawaii since we had to cancel Hawaii last minute due to leave & childcare changes, and Vegas was about half as expensive. (Well, getting there, anyhow! :) We had a LOT of fun, and I'll get what new pictures I have up as soon as possible. We stayed at The Venetian, which was beautiful. UNfortunately, my phone died our first day there, so I don't have hardly any pictures, but I did get some rest, which was AWESOME.
Of course, it wasn't awesome when it took them TWO DAYS to get us our luggage, but I got a cute new skirt, so I guess it's okay. We ate SO much good food and window shopped our hearts out. I got to go into all SORTS of stores I'd never been into, like Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton (who makes the purse I NEEEED ( the murakami papillion bag) which retails for the low low price of about $500.) Yeah. Needless to say, I don't have it. But I saw it! I also saw the brown Louis Vuitton bag design on nearly EVERYONE we passed. Seriously.
Linda and Colleen (Randal's oldest sister) came out to watch the kids, and we came home to a clean house, which was the best thing ever. I'm still trying to find where she put half of my belongings, but at least wherever they are, they're clean! :)
Randal's plane left 45 minutes early (which I didn't know they could do!) so when I went to drop him off at the airport yesterday, before I'd even made it out, he's called saying his plane was gone. How nice. I've had the discussion with my mom more than a few times that Randal and I have the crappiest traveling luck. Keys left across the country, lost luggage, missed planes... you name it, we've done it. It's okay. Joys in the journey, right?
Aiden is getting SO big. He slept through the night for the fourth time ever last night. (YAHOOOO!!!) Of course, Randal had to catch a taxi at 2:30am, so I didn't get to sleep through the night, but hey- I'll take what I can get. It's so weird to walk around the house and try and sink back into doing things myself again, while seeing little reminders that he was just here- his wine glass from last night, clothes we wore on our trip... *sigh* Oh well, I guess. He'll be in San Diego for the next month, so it will be about 6 weeks until we can see each other again. I might try and get down there on a weekend, though. I think southwest still has the anywhere in Ca for $36, which I think is GREAT.
Well, Aiden is hungry, so I'd better go. The calls of duty are calling!
quote for the day: ""Las Vegas is the only town in the world whose skyline is made up neither of buildings, like New York, nor of trees, like Wilbraham, Massachusetts, but signs." Tom Wolfe
Pictures: Randal & I, Ubercool dolphin SO close , both at The Mirage
Pictures:
1) Randal accomanying Tobin & Gabby on an "Expidition" in Gabby's backyard
2) Gabby hiding
3) Tobin hiding
4) Randal falling prey to the irristable belly of the baby
5) ... and Aiden loving it. :)
6) and still loving it
7) Randal learning that Aiden's learning how to really get a GOOD grip on hair (also illustrated in a couple of entries ago with Amy's hair) Not my favorite skill of Aiden's, but still a good one.
8) Love love love
9) The kids at work ( my job is just SO unrewarding ;)
10) "
Pictures:
1) Tobin & Aiden at Target (and the current wallpaper on my phone)
2) "
3) Gabby & Ruth
4) ...and Lily
5) Tobin staring at a fountain in Jack London Square after picking up Randal
6) Tobin traumatizing pigeons
7) ...and again
8) Dissecting a dandilion
9) Me volunteering at the animal shelter with a SPAZZ of a dog named Ellen
10) Porky doing thw same.
If a picture is worth 1,000 words then you guys can't complain that this is all I'm writing! I'll fill in explanations and all the juicy stuff later, but I couldn't WAIT to get these up. These first 4 pictures are of Aiden sleeping in the cradle Grandpa Ray (Randal's Dad) made. Yup, made. It's beautiful. I just made a nifty little red, white and blue canopy over it, too. Awww.
More soon, I promise! For now. sleeeeeeeep.....
Pictures:
1) Chubby cheeks!
2) Cute little Aiden (5 months)
3) Randal & Aiden at Gebby's 3rd Birthday party
4) Tobin and his newfound snail pet, Lucky. (Named after another teeny snail he & Gabby found)
5) Lucky (found when cleaning out his outdoor toys at Grandma's- I almost PASSED OUT when a big snail climbed on me. Seriously. I had no idea I didn't like snails so much!)
6) Tobin looking out a window when we went to breakfast at Hank's Creekside where my lifelong friend Scotty works, and where they have the BEST blueberry pankcakes and OJ. Yum! :)
7) My little sitter-upper! (well, he still needs a *little* help, but that's okay)
8) Chewing in a jelly bracelet. Tasty.
... cont'd
MAN! I just finished writing, and it didn't save. Jerks. I was reading over my old (like, elementary school) journal, and I called my dad a dweeb. Dweeb. The only thing funnier than that in there was twerp. Niiiiice. It would sure be nice if those were the standard names to be called instead of the more colorful ones heard on playgrounds these days- am I really talking about the good ol' days at 23? Geez. I am getting old.
I'm getting Aiden's pictures taken soon- maybe even today, if I get enough stuff done first. Then you can ALLLLLL bask in the cuteness. You can order any print you see in my journal for 29 cents through AOL Pictures, though. I just did it for the first time, actually. Some aren't that clear, since they were taken with my phone (I got a new one!) which can't quite handle as many pixels (that's little color dots per square inch. Maybe it's centemeter or something... whatever. You get my drift.) But there are some really great ones, too.
Well, I just got Aiden to sleep (while typing, thankyouverymuch) and the sun outside is teasing me. I have GOT to get out in it (though I wear sunscreen everyday- cancer and wrinkles aren't too high on my list, thanks) so really I have GOT to get my house clean, or my Outer Mommy will take away my Inner Child's playtime, and we can't let THAT happen!
May your Outer Mommies (& Daddies!) let your Inner Childs out to play today, too. :) (Damn, I'm a hippy!)
quote for the day: "I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker." Helen Keller
... cont'd
THREE MORE WEEKS 'TILL HAWAIIIII!!!! SweeetsweetsweetsweetSUPERsweet. I'm excited, if you can't tell. I can't IMAGINE having nothing to do but lay on a beach with Randal for a week. I can't even wrap my mind around it, seriously. Nothing. No laundry, no dishes, no diapers. Sweeeeeet. (in case you forgot)
I house-sat for Amber last weekend- that was fun. I LOVE her dog, Ruth. She looks kind of pitbull/mastiff-ish- I think sh'es a mutt, but she's SO awesome. The lets the kids just roll on her and pull on her and she LOVES at and just wants to lick you to death. You've actually got to be a *little* careful with her- if you lay or sit in her proximity, she will knock you over, pin you with her Buddha belly and do exactly that. She's only go me good one time, but man- that was enough.
The pictures are of Tobin and Ruth last Thursday. He loves dogs SO much. Maybe I'll just have to get "him" a bulldog. (insert huge cheesy grin here) Yesterday, we were over at my parents' house (pictures of that on the next cont'd) and he had so much fun playing with their dogs. Of course, Brandy (their Golden Retreiver) is an old lady and isn't much for 2 year old boys, but she's fairly tolerant. Fairly.
AJ is their other dog, who used to belong to my Auntie Gail (remember the one who let us crash her house in Sacramento?) and is a Corgi, (sp?) but Gail & David have another Corgi who thinks he should be the ONLY one, and now is. AJ is very protective of Aiden, actually. Whenever he sees him, he has to check him out, smell him, and then he will just sit by wherever he is, and if Brandy or someone unfamiliar comes near, he starts growling. Aww.
I'm resigning myself to get the house clean today. I'm just going to use the sun as a bribe for myself- I can only go frolick in it if I get the HEAP of laundry in my room put away and the upstairs bathroom clean. I've already cleaned what I could in the kitchen, but that sink... I don't want to talk about it.
Tidings from sunny Ca! Man- it has been SO nice here. My perfect weather- mid-80s with a breeze. LOVE LOVE LOVE. And, on that all-caps note: AIDEN IS SO CUTE! (nice segway, don't you think?) OH my goodness. I could eat him for breakfast. Lucky for him, I already had a bagel and soy yogurt. (Mmm. :) The last week-ish, he has just mellowed out (from being Mister Paticular) and started making all the Gerber Baby noises and smiling and having big cheeks... okay, the checks he already had, but they carry so much more when there's a smile between them. :)
I miss Randal like crazy. This partol is going fairly quickly though, which is good. Even he thinks so. When they first left, they had to go over HORRIBLE waters three times because the anchor wouldn't go down, two guys missed their plane back to the boat, one guy broke his knee, two guys threatened suicide and one guy went AWOL *AND* they hit a whale. I don't know what to say when the Coast Guard hits a whale, man. Sheesh.
But- now they're in Canada. (Eh?) Maybe he can practice saying Hoosier. How do you say that word, anyhow? Right now, Aiden is singing in his chair, cooing and gooing. He really likes music, especially Cat Stevens, Outkast and *ahem* me. (Of course!) My garbage disposal threw up this morning- GROSS. Hopefully my landlord can fix it today, otherwise YUCK. Everything I have put down there since some...time... is in a beautiful paste, covering my usual bleach-clean sink. (I *hate* cluttered or stained sinks. The kitchen can't look clean if the sink's not.)
Consequently, the nastiness in my kitchen is motivating me to get the rest of the house clean, so that paste of death doesn't look quite as gross. I'd LOVE to rinse it down to sink, but since it drains at about an inch an hour, I think I'll wait. I have Aiden in his massage chair, and he is SO happy and vocal right now. Siiiingin' and singin'. SO. CUTE.
I don't have much time because both kids are up, but I HAD to get these pictures up from today- SO CUTE of Aiden, and also of the kids and "Poppa" (otherwise known as "Sean" to us big-folk) who is Gabby's, well, Poppa. (Daddy) Tobin calls him Poppa, too. And "Honey" sometimes. So cute. Okay. So here are the pictures, and a quote for the day, even though this entry barely counts. I also am sporting my first sunburn for the season (go, me!) and everyone in the world had a very frustrating day today. I managed to escape most of it, thankfully. Okay- back to the kids. :)
quote for the day: "The first half of our lives is run by our parents, and the second half by our children." Clarence Darrow
Man, I'm tired.
I feel bad, because pretty much every time Randal gets home, I am extra exhausted from trying to clean the house and manage the kids, bills, groceries, laundry, bathing and every other little thing that when he gets home, it's kind of like a relay where I just hand him the stick and collapse for awhile. I'm sure he's excited to be home and understands why I'm so tired all the time, but I'm also sure it would be SO great to come home to a nice clean house and clean, well behaved children and organized, paid bills... yeah. And then I woke up.
I had to read the hardest thing I've ever had to read the other day- the articles about what happened with my friend Topper. (http://www.pressdemocrat.com/local/news/07rader.html & http://www.pressdemocrat.com/local/news/07killer_a1empirea.html) It's so shocking and tragic and frustrating... the article came out Randal's last day here, and I left him in the morning with the kids so I could go to a coffee shop and read it alone so I could just have time to read and process.
I didn't think it would have a huge picture of his mother on the front page (who lived, and is expected to fully recover, despite 6 gunshot wounds including two in the head, and one in the neck) and his picture from the year we graduated. I started reading right over the newsstand, and the tears just came. I stopped reading at the end of the page and went inside to order some tea.
They wouldn't stop coming when I had to order, though it was just tears, no sobd or anything. In fact, it was a totally different version of crying than I've ever felt before... just so, so many tears. Not much else. A big black lady in purple gave me a hug in line, and a lady I could hear sniffing from the table to my left slid a napkin under my hand. I hadn't even though to grab kleenex or anything. But, two strangers came to my aid, which was refreshing despite the heavy, heavy news I was reading.
There was a lot of failure which led up to what happened, and I just hope that people can learn from it. Well, Aiden's up. Off I go!
quote for the day: "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death." Anne Frank
Me- I'm content with a long bath reading Jane, a nice red and some dark chocolate, or sushi and... well, anything. :)
Tomorrow night, I will be happily in the arms of my love, which will suffice more than anything mentioned above. Well, unless I'm REALLLY hungry or PMSing. :) Then, it's every man for himself- and for me, too. :)
Anyhow- the boys are stirring, and Tobin just shoved Aiden pacifier up his nose. Lovely. Back to my small joys. :)
quote for the day:
"Symptoms of Inner Peace
Well, here I am again.
It seems like when things get kinda tough, I end up writing less, though I always really feel like writing more. Like I'M GOING TO HAWAII!!! and RANDAL WILL BE HOME IN *ONE* DAY!! and AIDEN FINALLY WENT TO SLEEP!!
Okay, that last one might be not *as* exciting for you guys, but it's pretty much all on the same level for me. :) I just made burritos for dinner (have I mentioned I think burritos are great? A complete food, doesn't matter what it looks like, all wrapped up in a tortilla. Genious.) and since Tobin's hands are occupied, mine are free. Mmm. Time for a second burrito.
*Ahh*. Geez. Lucky me, I'm the girl you guys all love to hate who can eat seconds and thirds at dinner and as much chocolate as I want (THAT'S the real beauty) right before I have to be in a bikini in HAWAII (hooray hooray!!) for a week. If I wanted to go for full loathing, I'd bring up the fact that I just had a baby- but I think karma might smite me, make me pregnant again (dear God, no!) and give me irreversible baby weight gain. YEEP! So I'll just hush while I'm ahead. :)
HAWAII HAWAII HAWAIII!!!! MEEEEEEEE IN HAWAIII!!!!!
Um, if you can't tell, I'm kinda excited. About going to HAWAII. :) Hoorrrayyy!! You know, actually a LOT of really tough stuff is going on for me right now, in the overall sense of my life and on a day-to-day basis. Today was great, though. FINALLY. It was sunny- Amy came with me to work, and we just walked around outside with the kids and had fun. My broken phone camera actually saved ONE picture, so I'll post it on here as soon as I get the chance.
Speaking of pictures- the picture on here of Aiden and Linda (Randal's ever-lovin' Momma) just breathes love to me- I think it's SO great. She's probably going to say "Ooh! I wish my eyes weren't shut" or some other thing we're all programmed to do, so we can never really see how beautiful we look to other people. What a lame habit to be in, too. I'm not just or even really talking about Linda at all- I'm talking about everyone in general. It's sad the the gift to just look and be able to see the wonder, beauty and joy of the small things is so rare. I'm glad I feel like I have it.
That's why I think being around children is SO great. They think that rolly-pollies and rainboots are the best things EVER. (fair enough) I mean- the look on their faces when they see a firetruck- that is joy at it's best.
cont'd #2...
I'm tired (okay, that's the one stable factor) Aiden's bigger, Tobin's bigger, they've each changed their signature needs... (Aiden likes to be held like THIS this week, with your hands like that... You have to say it like THIS to Tobin or he'll do that...) and he's here just long enough to get caught in the swing of things and POOF! back to the ship (thankyouverymuch) where things are sure to have gotten messed up without him there. It's gotta be tough being indispensable, but I guess at the time, I know how he feels.
Well, speaking of having duties no one that you can perform- Aiden is up and crying, as per his MO. Ahh. Well, at least I got to write a bit. I'd love to post some pictures, but my cellphone also got his by the thundercloud of doom, and now thinks it's charging itself, won't save pictures and only vibrates about 1/3 of the time. Oh well. Add it to my to-do list. Ha.
I hope you all are doing well... I'll try to write again sooner this next time, I promise. :)
quote for the day: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson
PS: Pictures are pretty much self explanatory- the GREAT ones at the beginning of the entry are from Baltimore. Others are of the kids at work, and Porky eating something WRONG and trying on a bee-YOO-ti-ful hat. :)
...cont'd
So... I'm writing! Hooray. It feels like forever- it has been, kinda. I could have guessed (and I'm sure you did, too) that my entires would dwindle after Aiden was born. He's SO CUTE. OH my gosh, you guys. He is like a little tiny Randal (with my chin) with perfect skin and little jowels and no neck.... he is SO CUTE. When he smiles, his eyes are shaped like mine- what my sisters & Amy (Muhly, not my sister Amy... hulloo Amy!) will recognize as "Sailor Moon Eyes". (Sailor Moon is a japanimation cartoon- the eyes on the characters when they are happy are shaped like little upside-down crescent moons) SO.. Aiden has those. SO CUTE.
Randal will be home again around the 4th, during 96ers, otherwise known as the four days they get off before they get underway. They're going North this time- BRRR. At least he gets to travel. I've been in this town 23 years and counting. YEESH. Oh well, though. It's comfortable. It's close to everything. I mean, in an hour in any direction, you can be in San Francisco (thecity- South) the ocean (West) the lake (pick one- East.. well, NorthEast) the Russian River (10 minutes to an hour or two, depending on which spot you pick, NorthWest) the wine country (East).
There's a LOT around. In the daytime, anyhow. Nightlife, it's up to thecity with you! ...although I *do* really like this one place called Zebulon's Lounge (www.ZebulonsLounge.com) in Petaluma. It has live jazz 7 nights a week, and a full wine, beer & sake cocktail (Mmm!) list. No hard alcohol, which is FINE by me.) I'd probably take a night there (not to mention it's around the corner from the BEST sushi ever @ Hiro's- where Randal and I met) over boogying it up in Thecity most nights. MOST nights. ;)
Randal is doing well, and keeping busy, as is his MO. I think it's a little wearing on him having to keep on top of so much in both of his lives sometimes, though. Well, all the time, really. I mean, how could it not be? He's got to keep, what, seven? jobs straight on the boat (SHIP! Sorry! HE says boat, it's not my fault!) and then everytime he comes to his other life here for a few days, everything's changed.
Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry. I've wanted to write about amillion times in the past few weeks, but I literally have ZERO downtime. Tobin has been the sickest he's ever been the past week and a half- luckily Randal was here for the girth of it- but now Aiden is horribly sick (he's got the most awful, rattling cough) and I am coming down with it as well. Of course, there is laundry EVERYwhere and my house is bursting at the seams with project waiting to happen. I'm actually going to attempt to tackle some of them today, though we'll see what actually happens depending on sicky, here.
Manny's got Tobin today, which is nice. It's the first weekend in five weeks he'll e actually taking him the time he's supposed to. FINALLY. So much has happened recently, I don't know where to start. Thankfully, it looks as if the horrible dark cloud lurking over everything id beginning to break and lift. That was a hard, hard time for a lot of people. I got TWO tickets (both for expired registration on Randal's car, which I NEVER drive, but mine was getting the oil changed) but luckily they're just fix-it tickets, so I'll be okay.
Tobin is adorable and losing his mind at the same time- he's just 2. He's been sick for almost 2 weeks now (he's almost back to normal now, though) and so he's been SO clingy and sensitive.... ugh. I mean, I love love love him, but GOOD LORD, you know? And now it's the same with Aiden- he usually neeeeeeds to be held (and tightly- wrapped so he can't really move and bounced BIG- none of those little arm-bounces, man. You gotta get the KNEES in there!) but now it's even MORE necessary since he doesn't feel well. But dammit- I don't feel well! Thus is the life of a mother, I suppose.
To boot- I've also thrown out my back lifting the diaper bag incorrectly out of the car (isn't it always the stupidest things?) AND pulled my left shoulder muscle trying to sleep comfortably while holding Aiden in the position of his choice. HA. MY shoulders, especially my left one, since I'm left-handed, always seem to hurt, though. Maybe it's the 35 lb. 2 year old (well, maybe 30lbs. at the moment, after being so sick. Poor little dude.) I lift 25 times a day, and the 11-pounder I lift, oh, say, 463527453 times a day, roughly.
Well, I'm at home again. Amber called this morning and said that she's just have her mom come so I could stay with Tobin and Aiden. Tobin's cough I think is getting better, by way of getting worse and sounding AWFUL, but I'm pretty sure it's just pushing itself out. He seems fine in spirit, if only a bit clingy and sensitive.
Aiden is telling Baby Bach EXACTLY how he feels at the moment- he's discovering his voice more and more. It's VERY cute. I love the point where babies start making those quintessential "baby" noises- coos, giggles and gurgles. I know at least Amy will understand me when I say it makes me want to just puke all over myself and explode. SO CUTE!
I actually have millions of pictures to get up on here, it's just a matter of doing it, which is a matter of time, which is a matter of AAHAHAHAHA! Today, I've got to try and get to the DMV and to the courthouse- FUN. I've also got to go get some more hippy medicine at Whole Foods.
I'm doing well, all in all- I'm still stunned at the horribleness that is so persistant in so many lives right now. I keep seeing Topper everywhere, and thinking I should call and see how he's doing, like his death was a terrible foresight, and not a terrible past event. It's just so... geez. I may never know.
Anyhow- I've got to clean up breakfast and make myself and my children presentable for public viewing so that I can venture away from my abode and attempt to run some errands. Woooo. Anyhow- I hope you all are doing well- I'll try and write something a bit more meaty later. :)
quote for the day: "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." Gilda Radner
PS: Pics are of when Grammy & I took the kids to Coddingtown :)
Well, yesterday, I got two tickets, (fix-it tickets, thankfully) cut my thumb on a piece of broken glass, got some housework done and merged all seperate piles of clean landry into one monumental heap. I also booked a ticket for Randal to come home this weekend. I was going to suprize him and go up there, but then his ATM card was stolen and he couldn't suprize ME so he came clean about planning a trip, and so did I. There's no way I could go right now anyhow, since both children have coughs and runny noses no medicince seems to touch.
Last night, I got up a total of 7 times- four with Tobin, three with Aiden. The last three times I got up were all kind of a fuzz, though. So I've been up since about 3:45. Nice. Isn't it naptime? So- I call into work and tell Amber I can't be there since the kids are sick, but she needs me to be there for a little while until her mom, the replacement, can be there. And then I realize that fairies have stolen my keys. They have evaporated. I'm sure these are leftover fairies from when Randal was here last, since they seem to continually plague him with placing things in different places than he thinks they should be. :)
I've looked in my ENTIRE house, called the landlord to see if anyone's turned them in- nothing. Which also means I can't go anywhere else, like to the store to get food and medicine, or, you know... anywhere, since even if I had the key to get out of my complex TO my car, I couldn't start it. The stroller's in the car, too, so I can't even WALK with them anyhwhere. UGH.
So... I'm sitting here, feeding Aiden and comforting Tobin, whining to you guys. Wheeee. At least Randal's coming home. We're going to have babysitting and clean the HELL out of the house. (because if we don't I'll go insane, and the quota has been met on that for this week, it seems) Then, we are going to Calistoga for mud baths and massages. YES. And I will come home to a clean house. YES. Things are looking better already.
Anyhow- I may write more during their naps, but for now, I'm off to wipe more gooey noses, cover coughing mouths and rock my babies.
quote for the day: "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow." Dorothy Thompson
Of course, there is a light for every dark, an up for a down, etc. Relativity. I can tell you I'm alive and mostly well... although I'll always feel like I need more sleep. (Well, HMMM) My mind is suprisingly calm- it usually is, though I could still be desperately grasping at shock so I don't have to feel so embittered and afraid of all of the horribleness everyone's encountered. What I've written isn't the half of it, either. Geeeeeez.
Anyhow- we're all alive, we're all well, considering. I'm typing one handed with Aiden asleep in my other arm. I'm about to get to sleep- HOORAY. I'm going to read for awhile and have some Lindt Truffles (the dark chocolate ones are the best OTC chocolate there is- and yes, I just used the term "Over The Counter Chocolate". :)
So... I wish the world peacefulness and relaxation this week, in body, mind and spirit. I hope you guys are hangin' in there out there- what a crazy, crazy world it is, eh?
quote for the day:
"A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last."
-Charlie Daniels
So the title of this newest entry is "Loss" because there has been a lot lately, in and around my life. Loss of sanitly, loss of life, loss of words. A lot of people I know have had one of the hardest weeks EVER, and I just thought I'd comment on it, since I don't think coincidences are just happenstance. Cool. I just used happenstance. :)
The most publicly known loss was of both seeming sanity and lives and made the very first headline three days in a row in every paper I've had access to. A pretty close friend of mine- a guy I've known for years, trusted with my children, talked to weekly at least... killed his stepfather and aunt, criticually wounded his mother (still in ICU) and then ran, was getting caught and shot himself in the head. He died the next day. (www.pressdemo.com and search for "Christopher Topper" if you care to read the articles)
Amy called me at about 11:15pm Wednesday and said, "YOU are going to CRAP your PANTS. OH MY GOD." naturally, I said, "Okaaaay..." to which she replied, "Christopher Topper KILLED people. And he shot himself!" Enter loss of words #1. I mean, what do you say, really, besides (excuse my plain english) SHIT! I mean, really. It turns out the reason I hadn't run into him lately was because he'd been SHACKLED TO A WALL for 22 hours a day, coming down off of some meth somethingorother. (Probably smoking crank-gross.)
So they let him out and he loses it. Is it totally insensitive to say "Duh!" It is, I know, but geeez here, people. I mean, he was declared 'mentally incompetant to stand trial' so.... what, put him in rehab, the mental hospital, whatever- or, you know, chain him to a wall for 22 hours a day. Niiice. Do I even dare poke at the number of things gone horribly awry in this situation? I can't. I still can't even believe he's dead, and that he killed people. That's insane. There are no words.
The following day, there was even MORE insane horrible news, which I won't really take the liberty of sharing so the person, who has seen the err of their ways, can remain anonymous. Enter Temporary Loss of Sanity here. I can tell you that it struck me as MORE monumental that the aformentioned situation, if you can believe it. Geeez. And then, an hour after hearing that load of crap, my mom calls to tell me Topper died. Geez. Loss of friend, Loss for words. So much loss.
So shoot me. Since the last time I wrote, Randal has been and gone, we went to Baltimore (see the great picture?), had a great time, then got back at two in the morning and proceeded to drive directly to McKinleyville to visit Grammy & Boppa (known as Pat & Wayne to the outside world) when we realized the keys to the car were in a jacket pocket left in Maryland. Um, yes. That was fun.
Being stuck in Sacramento wasn't all bad- the 2nd night we spent at my Auntie Gail's (yes, I still call her auntie!) house and it was fun to visit with them. They were VERY courteous and extremely helpful, especially considering I called them one morning and basically said, "Hi, how are you? So- my entire family and I are stuck with our 2-weeks-worth of luggage, stroller and carseat- can we stay with you?" THANKyouthankyouthankyouthankyou to them.
I also called my old roommate, Casey, who lives in Sacramento and went to 80's night at the club around the corner from her apartment. SUPERSWEET. I knew the words to everything, (I went ahead and left the 80s wardrobe behind... it's just all so sad...) shook my groove thang and discovered Cosmopolitans. We had a very fun time, which you can even see by the lovely pictures I'll post. :)
We've also discovered Aiden is a man's man. He is happiest naked, in front of a TV (the only male I've knwn to like Sex In The City as much as I do!) with a boob as big as his head in his face. Who could ask for more? He's STILL got this horrible candida infection- I'm searching for Pediatricians this week. Any tips?
Tobin is sick, at the moment. I can always tell he really isn't well when he has to constantly have my hand on his cheek. He was also very tired and whiny, which is always nice. :) Manny has him at the moment- I pawned him off so I could get through this LAUNDRY. It's neverending, I swear. One thing that was nice coming home to (after I went to Grammy & Boppa's with Porky & The Boys THIS weekend- travel, travel!) was that my mom picked up my house for me, which was heaven. THANK you, Mom. Seriousleh. :)
Geeeeeez. I haven't actually kept a good continual posting on here for awhile. Sorry, I suck. Well, I don't suck. I'm EXHAUSTED. I'm battling three infections (breast infection, sinus infection, and what they've finally decided is a staph infection) a cold, my sons and my eyelids. The staph infection I have has given me five boils so far, which are about the most evil horrible thing I've EVER experienced, aside from having little tyke, here.
I have to do SO many things for my various ailments, nevermind Aiden's Candida infection, and Tobin's 2-year-old-ness. I discovered yesterday that my time goes by so quickly because my life is divided into 2-hour blocks. No matter what I'm doing, where I am, every two hours or so, I've GOT to stop whatever I'm doing and feed and change both of them, and take and give medicine. Ugh. Tobin, I can usually sneak through a night without having to feed or change (although not the last four, since he's woken up crying) but that's the only exception.
So... I'm exhausted. I've tried pretty much everything to re-normalize my body from herbs to pills to tinctures to hydrotherapy to aromatherapy... I think I just need a nap. Randal will be home again for 10 whole days (THANK THE GOOD LORD) on Friday evening. Only two more days.... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....
I get up (must... sleep... must... find... sleep....) and usually that's about when Tobin is up, except this morning, because Aiden woke up at 7:00, which is why I have time to write. In all the things I've been doing to try and cure my various ailments, I've found that I feel overall better taking vitamins, and I really like aromaptherapy. I think I even found a strain of my own- my adored Acqua Di Gio by Armani perfume. I get myself up in the morning, get dressed, put on my mascara and lipgloss and powder my nose... then I look in the mirror and hopefully don't look ENTIRELY haggard. I brush my teeth, then get out my pretty green bottle, think Armani give me strength, and walk through a cloud of smelly-goodness and on with my day. If I look like I can do it, smell like I can do it, think I can do it, dammit, I'm going to.
quote for the day: "Having children is like having a bowling alley in your brain." Martin Mull
Bug of death.
Yea, o bug of death
Flee thee my dwelling post haste
Or I will smite thee
Laundry.
Creeping down the stairs
Self perpetuating force
Swallowing my house
Ohhhh, man. I have found the BEST thing. Funny enough, Randal and I were just talking about what the best $40 ever spent was, and Now... now I know. It's an infant massage chair. OH yes. The infant massage chair has easy cary handles, three mommy-friendly audio options (nature sounds, ocean waves and new age, which basically sounds like Yanni does Elmo) vibrates AND goes through a 20-minute massage-cycle on his back that simulates movements mothers naturally make when soothing a baby. (patting, rubbing, etc.) NICE. Aiden, who spent a good hour screaming (despite my best efforts) this morning spent almost twice that long sitting happily in his new chair this afternoon. WONDERFUL.
Tobin went down pretty easily tonight, which was good- I am SO exhausted. I can't believe Aiden and I BOTH have these ridiculous infections again. SO irritating. I have to do ALLLLLL this stuff for three weeks. Yuck. After he's done eating, I have to fully coat his mouth with this sticky crap, wash myself with apple cider vinegar and air dry, THEN put some topical cream on- I also have to put cream on his little bottom, as well as acidpholus (sp?) powder... I ALSO have to take these tablets three times a day and boil everything Aiden's mouth touches (except my boobs, of course- ouch!) and my bras. *sigh* Because I NEEDED extra work.
Speaking of that, I'm going to take a class at the JC this semester. I have such an array of interests, I have NO idea which I want to learn most, but I'm confined to certain times and spaces that my sister can babysit and I'm not working, so it will narrow my choices a bit. I think it will be good for me, though. To do something that's my very own and not for anyone but me. It will also be good to get into the school-groove again, since I definitely want to finish.
Man, I have so much to write about, especially since I haven't been lately, but I am so very, very tired. Speaking of which, I got a new book the other day filled with quotes on children and parenting- lots to do with sleep depritvation. (wonder why? :) So... I'll leave you with one of them. :)
quote for the day: "Baby's room... must have wallpaper with clows holding red, green and blue balloons. Baby's room should be close enough to hear baby's cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru." Dave Barry
On the drive home from dropping off Randal, I drove an hour in complete silence in effort to keep Aiden asleep, and a poem just kind of came out. I don't usually share poems I write, but who cares anyway, right? I mean, what's the point? So... here is one about about my rides home, which I'm going to cheat and also use as my quote for the day. :)
like a dream he comes to me
the sailor of my heart
and when first breaks the morning light
I know that we must part
he comes to me like sunshine
and he comes to me like rain
he comes to me like silver lining
on a cloudy day
when he comes, my world is light
and at last I am at home
my heart has found its resting place
no more condemned to roam
and when he goes, it leaves me
and an empty space behind
for my sailor I would wait
until the end of time
I take him to the red bridge
where our worlds collide
with few words and many tears
we whisper quick goodbyes
when he's gone, my heart breaks
I turn the key and drive
to leave the moment and the man
that make me feel alive
My heartache speaks in silence
in the quiet I find peace
knowing that my sailor
will always come for me
Whoa. SO... in addition to the cold I got last time I wrote, I also have a cough, and Aiden and I BOTH are re-infected with Candida, which is the yeast-thing we had a couple of weeks ago. Ugh. I am SO tired right now, but I know I haven't written anything worth reading in awhile, so I figured I would try.
I just got Tobin down, and I am currently breastfeeding Aiden while I'm typing. It occured to me today that I've never seen and overweight mother of just boys. I WONDER WHY. Yeesh.
Randal was here for about two days, which was nice. When he was out last time, I think the saltwater was getting to his head, and he was lonely, and he wrote me this e-mail that made me so incredibly sad. The second the kids were in bed the night he got here, he were just standing, holding each other, and I couldn't help crying thinking about it. And then, I held his face in my hands and looked him right in the eye while I was crying and told him that I loved him, and that he never, ever had to think like that again. That was the first time I can remember ever voluntarily looking at someone while I was crying, and I felt SO much better afterwards.
For as long as I can remember, I've had a complex about people seeing me cry, as well as just crying in general. Maybe I didn't want people to think I'm weak or something, though I'm fully aware everyone cries and it's healthy. I just don't know, but I bet 95% of you haven't seen me really cry. Man, I haven't even seen me really cry. But I did, in front of Randal. All sticky with mascara and my red nose running, snuffling, low sobs- the really GOOD stuff, you know? I don't think you can really love someone until they smear boogers on you, and you don't care. You know, like how Tobin does to me everday. :)
But he's gone again. I dropped him off at the boat- SHIP! Ship ship ship. Someday, I'll get it. Ship. So I dropped him off at 7:45, and it was again, harder and easier. I felt like it was so good for me to cry in front of him, and it did nothing but bring us closer... and then he left. Again.
He gets a promotion in the middle of March, which is cool in a number of ways, but primarily that he'll be eligible to change stations. WA.HOO. Well, really only if he's closer to here, or we can, you know, live in the same state. Same state would be a step, at least!
My brain feels like old pudding. Just today, I seemed to have contracted some crazy sinus infection. Niiiiiice. HowEVER, I just got an e-mail from Randal saying that his ship will be docked close again in a few days. HOOORRAYYY!!!! At first, it looked like he was going to have to be gone even LONGER, (ugh) because they got recalled in LA, but now they're going to pull in here to make up for the lack of in-port days spent in LA. I will take that ANY time. Sweeeeeet
That ALSO means I can *FINALLY* see Lord Of The Rings!! I'm FEENING, here. I bet we can actually get tickets this time and everything! Ugh. But if I'm going to be out and about in a few days, I need to be able to do it, which means I need to get some sleep while I can, instead of writing. Sorry I haven't been writing so much lately- as you know, I have a newborn and a Tobin.... whew. And now, I'm ill. Yuck. Anyhow... oh, but let me tell you about the pictures!
1 & 2) Tobin & Aiden hangin'
3 & 4) Baby Randal! (6 wks. & in the red)
5 & 6) Randal's first few minutes in Daddyland
7) Richard, Randal & Ryan (left to right)
8) Baby Me!
9 & 10) Aiden
11) Amy's newest teammate
12) Me :)
quote for the day: "There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California." Edward Abby
