Man, I'm tired.
I feel bad, because pretty much every time Randal gets home, I am extra exhausted from trying to clean the house and manage the kids, bills, groceries, laundry, bathing and every other little thing that when he gets home, it's kind of like a relay where I just hand him the stick and collapse for awhile. I'm sure he's excited to be home and understands why I'm so tired all the time, but I'm also sure it would be SO great to come home to a nice clean house and clean, well behaved children and organized, paid bills... yeah. And then I woke up.
I had to read the hardest thing I've ever had to read the other day- the articles about what happened with my friend Topper. (http://www.pressdemocrat.com/local/news/07rader.html & http://www.pressdemocrat.com/local/news/07killer_a1empirea.html) It's so shocking and tragic and frustrating... the article came out Randal's last day here, and I left him in the morning with the kids so I could go to a coffee shop and read it alone so I could just have time to read and process.
I didn't think it would have a huge picture of his mother on the front page (who lived, and is expected to fully recover, despite 6 gunshot wounds including two in the head, and one in the neck) and his picture from the year we graduated. I started reading right over the newsstand, and the tears just came. I stopped reading at the end of the page and went inside to order some tea.
They wouldn't stop coming when I had to order, though it was just tears, no sobd or anything. In fact, it was a totally different version of crying than I've ever felt before... just so, so many tears. Not much else. A big black lady in purple gave me a hug in line, and a lady I could hear sniffing from the table to my left slid a napkin under my hand. I hadn't even though to grab kleenex or anything. But, two strangers came to my aid, which was refreshing despite the heavy, heavy news I was reading.
There was a lot of failure which led up to what happened, and I just hope that people can learn from it. Well, Aiden's up. Off I go!
quote for the day: "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death." Anne Frank
3 comments:
Hi, I'm sorry you are having a bad time with some issues. You have so many things to be thankful for - Tobin and Aiden, and Randal too. Try not to forget what a blessing it is to have them close to you. Let them sense your happiness and not your frustration.
"It will be gone before you know it. The fingerprints on the wall appear higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear. -Dorothy Evslin
Hey sis,
That is a terrible thing that the people you know are going through. Makes you treasure each and every second you have people you love. I think you are so fortunate to be home with your boys each day and take them to work with you. It's very difficult to work full time and race home every evening at 5 to spend a few hours each day with Dominic before he goes to bed. I live for weekends, and my every other Friday off.
Love to everyone, Kirsten.
Hello! I just wanted to say that the "Ah, crap. Aiden's up." Was only because I had to stop writing and I never get a chance to anymore, not that I don't looove to squish his little cheekses! :) I AM thankful for so much- I didn't mean for my entry to end on such a glum note- but... babies wake when they do! It was a beautiful day yesterday and I spent much of it running around in the sun with the kids- SO fun. Hope you all are having fun as well. :)
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