Armani Give Me Strength

Geeeeeez. I haven't actually kept a good continual posting on here for awhile. Sorry, I suck. Well, I don't suck. I'm EXHAUSTED. I'm battling three infections (breast infection, sinus infection, and what they've finally decided is a staph infection) a cold, my sons and my eyelids. The staph infection I have has given me five boils so far, which are about the most evil horrible thing I've EVER experienced, aside from having little tyke, here.

I have to do SO many things for my various ailments, nevermind Aiden's Candida infection, and Tobin's 2-year-old-ness. I discovered yesterday that my time goes by so quickly because my life is divided into 2-hour blocks. No matter what I'm doing, where I am, every two hours or so, I've GOT to stop whatever I'm doing and feed and change both of them, and take and give medicine. Ugh. Tobin, I can usually sneak through a night without having to feed or change (although not the last four, since he's woken up crying) but that's the only exception.

So... I'm exhausted. I've tried pretty much everything to re-normalize my body from herbs to pills to tinctures to hydrotherapy to aromatherapy... I think I just need a nap. Randal will be home again for 10 whole days (THANK THE GOOD LORD) on Friday evening. Only two more days.... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

I get up (must... sleep... must... find... sleep....) and usually that's about when Tobin is up, except this morning, because Aiden woke up at 7:00, which is why I have time to write. In all the things I've been doing to try and cure my various ailments, I've found that I feel overall better taking vitamins, and I really like aromaptherapy. I think I even found a strain of my own- my adored Acqua Di Gio by Armani perfume. I get myself up in the morning, get dressed, put on my mascara and  lipgloss and powder my nose... then I look in the mirror and hopefully don't look ENTIRELY haggard. I brush my teeth, then get out my pretty green bottle, think Armani give me strength, and walk through a cloud of smelly-goodness and on with my day. If I look like I can do it, smell like I can do it, think I can do it, dammit, I'm going to.

quote for the day: "Having children is like having a bowling alley in your brain." Martin Mull

Haikus

 

Bug of death.

 

Yea, o bug of death

Flee thee my dwelling post haste

Or I will smite thee

 

 

Laundry.

 

Creeping down the stairs

Self perpetuating force

Swallowing my house

The. Best Thing. Ever.

Ohhhh, man. I have found the BEST thing. Funny enough, Randal and I were just talking about what the best $40 ever spent was, and Now... now I know. It's an  infant massage chair. OH yes. The infant massage chair has easy cary handles, three mommy-friendly audio options (nature sounds, ocean waves and new age, which basically sounds like Yanni does Elmo) vibrates AND goes through a 20-minute massage-cycle on his back that simulates movements mothers naturally make when soothing a baby. (patting, rubbing, etc.) NICE. Aiden, who spent a good hour screaming (despite my best efforts) this morning spent almost twice that long sitting happily in his new chair this afternoon. WONDERFUL.

Tobin went down pretty easily tonight, which was good- I am SO exhausted. I can't believe Aiden and I BOTH have these ridiculous infections again. SO irritating. I have to do ALLLLLL this stuff for three weeks. Yuck. After he's done eating, I have to fully coat his mouth with this sticky crap, wash myself with apple cider vinegar and air dry, THEN put some topical cream on- I also have to put cream on his little bottom, as well as acidpholus (sp?) powder... I ALSO have to take these tablets three times a day and boil everything Aiden's mouth touches (except my boobs, of course- ouch!) and my bras. *sigh* Because I NEEDED extra work.

Speaking of that, I'm going to take a class at the JC this semester. I have such an array of interests, I have NO idea which I want to learn most, but I'm confined to certain times and spaces that my sister can babysit and I'm not working, so it will narrow my choices a bit. I think it will be good for me, though. To do something that's my very own and not for anyone but me. It will also be good to get into the school-groove again, since I definitely want to finish.

Man, I have so much to write about, especially since I haven't been lately, but I am so very, very tired. Speaking of which, I got a new book the other day filled with quotes on children and parenting- lots to do with sleep depritvation. (wonder why? :) So... I'll leave you with one of them. :)

quote for the day: "Baby's room... must have wallpaper with clows holding red, green and blue balloons. Baby's room should be close enough to hear baby's cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru." Dave Barry

On the drive home from dropping off Randal, I drove an hour in complete silence in effort to keep Aiden asleep, and a poem just kind of came out. I don't usually share poems I write, but who cares anyway, right? I mean, what's the point? So... here is one about about my rides home, which I'm going to cheat and also use as my quote for the day. :)

 

like a dream he comes to me

the sailor of my heart

and when first breaks the morning light

I know that we must part

 

he comes to me like sunshine

and he comes to me like rain

he comes to me like silver lining

on a cloudy day

 

when he comes, my world is light

and at last I am at home

my heart has found its resting place

no more condemned to roam

 

and when he goes, it leaves me

and an empty space behind

for my sailor I would wait

until the end of time

 

I take him to the red bridge

where our worlds collide

with few words and many tears

we whisper quick goodbyes

 

when he's gone, my heart breaks

I turn the key and drive

to leave the moment and the man

that make me feel alive

 

My heartache speaks in silence

in the quiet I find peace

knowing that my sailor

will always come for me

boohoo.

Whoa. SO... in addition to the cold I got last time I wrote, I also have a cough, and Aiden and I BOTH are re-infected with Candida, which is the yeast-thing we had a couple of weeks ago. Ugh. I am SO tired right now, but I know I haven't written anything worth reading in awhile, so I figured I would try.

I just got Tobin down, and I am currently breastfeeding Aiden while I'm typing. It occured to me today that I've never seen and overweight mother of just boys. I WONDER WHY. Yeesh.

Randal was here for about two days, which was nice. When he was out last time, I think the saltwater was getting to his head, and he was lonely, and he wrote me this e-mail that made me so incredibly sad. The second the kids were in bed the night he got here, he were just standing, holding each other, and I couldn't help crying thinking about it. And then, I held his face in my hands and looked him right in the eye while I was crying and told him that I loved him, and that he never, ever had to think like that again. That was the first time I can remember ever voluntarily looking at someone while I was crying, and I felt SO much better afterwards.

For as long as I can remember, I've had a complex about people seeing me cry, as well as just crying in general. Maybe I didn't want people to think I'm weak or something, though I'm fully aware everyone cries and it's healthy. I just don't know, but I bet 95% of you haven't seen me really cry. Man, I haven't even seen me really cry. But I did, in front of Randal. All sticky with mascara and my red nose running, snuffling, low sobs- the really GOOD stuff, you know? I don't think you can really love someone until they smear boogers on you, and you don't care. You know, like how Tobin does to me everday. :)

But he's gone again. I dropped him off at the boat- SHIP! Ship ship ship. Someday, I'll get it. Ship. So I dropped him off at 7:45, and it was again, harder and easier. I felt like it was so good for me to cry in front of him, and it did nothing but bring us closer... and then he left. Again.

He gets a promotion in the middle of March, which is cool in a number of ways, but primarily that he'll be eligible to change stations. WA.HOO. Well, really only if he's closer to here, or we can, you know, live in the same state. Same state would be a step, at least!

Yay Hooraaaaayy!!

My brain feels like old pudding. Just today, I seemed to have contracted some crazy sinus infection. Niiiiiice. HowEVER, I just got an e-mail from Randal saying that his ship will be docked close again in a few days. HOOORRAYYY!!!! At first, it looked like he was going to have to be gone even LONGER, (ugh) because they got recalled in LA, but now they're going to pull in here to make up for the lack of in-port days spent in LA. I will take that ANY time. Sweeeeeet

That ALSO means I can *FINALLY* see Lord Of The Rings!! I'm FEENING, here. I bet we can actually get tickets this time and everything! Ugh. But if I'm going to be out and about in a few days, I need to be able to do it, which means I need to get some sleep while I can, instead of writing. Sorry I haven't been writing so much lately- as you know, I have a newborn and a Tobin.... whew. And now, I'm ill. Yuck. Anyhow... oh, but let me tell you about the pictures!

1 & 2) Tobin & Aiden hangin'

3 & 4) Baby Randal! (6 wks. & in the red)

5 & 6) Randal's first few minutes in Daddyland

7) Richard, Randal & Ryan (left to right)

8) Baby Me!

9 & 10) Aiden

11) Amy's newest teammate

12) Me :)

quote for the day: "There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California." Edward Abby