I only have time to write for a few minutes before going down the hill to pick Tobin up frm school, but since I got up early & cleaned the house this morning I have a few minutes to sit and chill. It's raining again, which always makes me want to curl up by the fire and read or write- even clean, if I've got to stay indoors- I can't sit and chill in a living room full of misplaced odds & ends! I can hear them taunting me as I sit... unless I'm too busy (or have been) throwing up to notice, which has seemingly curbed over the past few days- I've been going strong since Thursday! (about time @ 21 weeks- sheesh!)

Thursday was also the day I got my ultrasound, which was fascinating. We checked all of the vital organs, bones, brain activity & facial formation- all of which are perfect & wonderful! It's so reassuring to be able to count all of the fingers and toes myself and hear someone who actually knows so say that I have a perfectly formed (and long legged) baby...  girl! :)  <3  (:  

We are so excited!! I mean, well obviously, but we are so excited!!! It's a bit intimidating to me for some reason, if only because it's new. The "pink section" that covers 75% of the children's clothing area has always seemed like another planet to me. I'm not paticularly fond of ruffles & poufy little doodles, either, but perhaps they'll grow on me, like ears attached to baby hats did. I loved Tobin's Pooh Bear hat! I think I still have it in his baptismal box along with all of the amazing and adorable outfits Aunt Dottie (Grammy's sister) has made for him. SO cute!

Well, it's about time for me to go, but I just had to spread the good word! I'll try and fanagle a way to get the ultrasound pics up here, but the technician said the she (the baby) would not hold still long enough to have her picture taken! There is one good one of a teeny foot and another more typical profile shot, although she's halfway upside down and it's slightly blurry because... well, she's half Randal. :)

alright, off with me!

quote for the day:

"If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging."

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

 

 

Okay, okay. Now Holly can chill.

Okay. Here I am. Hello. Hello! :)

Things are crazy busy as you may already know or have guessed by the lack of entries. And, as you may already know (or have guessed if you're good like that) ... I'm pregnant! :) Since about.... well, about the time I started writing "I'll write more soon, I swear!" which makes me about 4 1/2 months. (Yes, that 1/2 is IMPORTANT.) I'm due approximately March 24th, but we'll see for sure when I get my ultrasound next Thursday at two. I'm so excited!! :) We didn't get one with Aiden and I have one of those fuzzy black and white pictures with the two "X"s at the head & teeny booty of Tobin. The ones they have now are 3D and in color! That's part of the reason I wanted one this time in the first place, other than because I haven't stopped puking YET (at 19 weeks) and everyone and their mothers has a hunch it's going to be a little girl. Ohhhh, man. My mom's coming with us along with Auntie Amy so they can go SHOPPING afterwards, regardless. I'd have to say my mom is *preeetty* happy about having a new grandbaby right around the corner. I know all you other grandmas are turning green! (except my grandma, (who the kids call "Gram") who also lives around the corner :)

We get to walk (or drive if its one of those mornings) past her house every morning for school, since she lives practically across the street. Tobin is doing well in school in terms of academics (his language & comprehension are top of the class, like that's a surprise) but socially it's a bit challenging, especially since he's one of the youngest. Their party was so much fun! Aiden officially turns three tomorrow, but as you will have seen by the pics, we had a combined party which was hectic and expensive but really really fun for everyone, especially the kids. They all got tickets to the train, the pony ride & the carousel and there is a huge playground there as well. I'd say it's the best park around here, really. They've also got a lake to rent paddleboats & canoes where a lot of kids go feed the ducks & geese & lots of hiking trails, too.

 Oof! I just got kicked from the inside. THAT is feeling like no other. It kind of creeps me out a bit a first because the only similar thing I've witnessed is from Alien. It's wonderful though, too, to have some validation for all of this morning/afternoon/evening sickness I've been having. I had to go to the ER at 9 weeks because I couldn't even keep down water for almost 2 days. Not the most fun ever. Poor Randal has been wonderful through it all (Mostly. we both have our moments, but heck, it's our first year living together!) He's working as night baker with the Coast Guard (soon to change to day baker or some other better sounding title) and working PT at a local natural foods market in the bakery department as well. It's a nice excersize for his food aesthetic skills and the first time he's had a non-military job in California, which is a *big* change from the norm for him. It's a lot of working, but if there's something to be said about Randal, t's that he is, and likes to be, busy. And we are!

Aiden is skating as much as ever- we got him a ramp for his birthday that Randal will set up tomorrow- pics DEFINITELY to follow of that. He is really speaking well now, which is proving to be HILARIOUS. I could list story after story of things he has completely destroyed of times he's snuck into the most cleverly placed chocolate (or butter- gross!) but I haven't the time at the moment to get into THAT much. Some events worth mentioning are when he poured an entire bottle of wood glue onto my parents' wood floors (thank god it wasn't carpet!) and started finger painting with it. YEAH. Or the time he dumped the entire bottle of soap into the whirpool bath & made bubbles come out of the tub up to his armpits- standing up. Yeah. Or when he dumped out all the spices onto the counter because his dinosaur needed to eat. I just let his dinosaur "eat" the damn spices a wiped it off, just like I let him play in those bubbles (& took pictures with my phone!) but I did NOT let him continue with the glue. (which we got up *quickly* with hot hot water & towels) Each time is an opportunity for me to see what a creative thinker he is and what a the meaning of "two year old boy" really is. Whew.

Well Randal has his day off today, so we're going to go spend some time together when we can. I hope this has helped tide some of you over for more info behind the pictures- I'll try and get in individually and write a little about the photos in the previous entries as I get the time. I hope you all are well, please feel free to say hi via the comments here, I want to hear from you, too!

quote for the day: "The years teach much what the days never knew" Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tobin & Aiden's Bday @ Howarth Park

Sorry for the random order of the pictures (and some of them are dark, although luckily the prints we got weren't as much so) but I'm trying! We'll have internet access at home soon, which will make writing a bit easier. At least here are some photos for you guys to help in the meantime! :)

Petaluma Pumpkin Farm

(& some pics @ Kira's the weekend before she left for a stem cell transplant and some heavy treatment for her Lymphoma at Stanford a couple weekends ago)

Dad & Boppa's Birthday at Clear Lake

These are pics from  the boys' first fishing trip with Grandpa (& Grandma, too!) as well as Tobin's birthday party at my mom's afterward. I SWEAR I will write and put up even more pictures VERY soon. Really. :)

Tobin's First Day

just pics for now- I took the first few, Tobin took the rest throughout the day... (as you can tell) More soon! :)

Health & Harmoniouness

These are pictures from the Health & Harmony Fair (annual festival at the fairgrounds in Santa Rosa with music, a free organic food expo and about fifty other ubercool Northern California-y booths, bands and other goodnesses. We all had SO much fun, except that I lost my favorite (first and only) cashmere sweater. :( I have to go pick up Tobin now, but I wanted to get what pics I have up ASAP, so I'll finish writing soon.Enjoy! :)

domestic bliss (and all that follows)

Hi guys!

     I feel like it's been forever since I've written. I know, I know, it has. So I'd like to redeem myself by posting more pictures and giving everyone a small scoop on what we've been up to, aside from trying to stay out of the heat. (Randal would say that outdoors at noon feels like midnight overseas- YEALCH) All the better to be back here, I say. :) Things are going SO wonderfully... not that we don't have our disagreements or miscommunications now and again, but that's all in learning to live together. For the most part, I've never been happier and neither have this kids, and if I may speak again for Randal, the same goes for him..

     We have moved and mostly settled into our new and beautiful home- equipped with a 2-level marble island for Randal, seperate play & bedrooms for the kids (bunks and bare walls in one room, color and toys in the other) and a bedroom with a jacuzzi tub bath for your truly. OH heck yeah, man. That's what it's all about! :) All of those things are fabulous and wonderful, but there's something EVEN BETTER. When the hampers get full, instead of  my old ritual, (trying to remember how much is on my laundry card, walking down a flight of stairs with a full basket of laundry, soap and either two kids in tow or at top speed because they're both blessedly sleeping- across the entire complex to finally getting them in an open washer and hoping no one steals my stuff before I'm able to get get back to switch, then finally retrieve it- whew! That's even too much work to write about!) I simply walk to the other end of the house and into the garage down only *two* steps and put it into our beautiful front-loading energy-efficient tall-so-I-don't-break-my-back washer & dryer. When I turn it on, it even has this cheery, "deedledeedledee!" sound, as if to say, "Hello, friend. I'm glad I'm here, too!" Ahh. Love at first laundring. :)

The boys are doing splendid (heehee- I feel like Mary Poppins saying that, although Samantha Brown (of Great Hotels) has a new show called Passport to Europe and I just saw the end where she went to England and now *I* want to go, but the closest I get for now is the say "splendid!" and "Cheerio!"--, which actually comes from 'chair-o", which is an old taxi term from back in the 1800s where two men carried a chair, but I digress)  Tobin will be starting kindergarten this fall and I've been scouring the internet and city to find where the best place to put such a brilliant boy is, and which we can afford. There are so many things I love about paticular styles of teaching, Waldorf (founded my Rudolph Steiner, German Pscyhologist) uses natural materials, (wool, silk, wood, etc) is vegetarian and organic (obvious goodness) and very earth-oriented, which (of course) I love, too. They also stick to specific routines to create rhythms for the children throughout their schoolday to create a predictable and comfortable atmosphere (which al aldready very homelike- the classrooms have trees and kichens!) so the kids can focus on their activities.

Montessori is another one I like and think Tobin would thrive in.(created by Maria Montessori, an Italian Pediatrician) She noticed not all children learn at the same time or level, but in the same steps. She also noted a child's innate curiousity and connection with nature. She combined these theories to create a method which allows children to go about the room at their own pace, choosing items of interest to them. The teacher then uses the item(s) to teach the child about concepts at his or her current learning level. (ie: This firetruck has four wheels. How many would be left if we take one away?) I really like this for Tobin since he would have so much freedom to choose and learn at his own pace, while still being in a class of peers.

Another option, among the other private schools we're investigating, is homeschooling. I like the idea of  being able to teach Tobin myself, since I am already so paticular about his surroundings, since he is so paticular of a boy. We'd both have to involve ourselves in outside group activities to not go insane, but I think both boys would thrive from such focused attention, and we'd be able to use ordinary trips to integrate edcational activities.(not to mention the cost is considerably less than most private schools)  I know my cousin Kimberly has been homeschooling her three kids (ages 5-9, I think) awhile now, but she's in arizona, dammit! That would have been really awesome if we lived closer.

Speaking of living closer, our new house is under five minutes walking distance to both my parents and my grandparents. (my mom's parents) THAT is awesome. There is $1 scoop night at Baskin & Robbins in our local shopping center in tuesdays (that's today- hooray!) so we make it a date every week to make our fourgeneration trek for sweet goodness. My favorite flavor has been Nutty Coconut the past two weeks, but the Tea of Tranquility is excellent as well. Mmm... ice cream.... only a few more hours! :)

Aiden is SO happy to have his daddy home, and vice versa. His daddy is happy to HAVE a home, much more filled with the click and clacker of  Tech Decks (little skateboards) on the floor. Tobin runs up to him when he walks in the door from work with a big "Wandoh!!" Still no "R"s yet. They'll come. :) Aiden is talking SO much now... he is quite a little.... two year old. Yes. He wakes up virtually every morning and tiptoes past our door to see how many (soy) yogurts (or chocolate, which he preffers if he can find it) he can down before we realize he's up.If all else fails, he goes for a stick of butter. Thaaaat' fun to clean off, especially if he goes straight into a full-body hug to Minnie afterwards. No wonder her coat is so shiny! I can't find a fridge lock to save my soul. Little sneaky monkey!

Speaking of Minnie (aka: Minerva when she's in trouble).. she alsofinds herself hard at work before I wake in the morning. She has taken quite a liking to all this space and freedom, and uses it to retreive EVERY FLIPPING MOUSE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD and drop them onto our lawn. *shudder* There were two babies this morning, five yesterday (her current record) two the day before, etc, etc. It's HORRIBLE! Yesterday was the worst, for sure. Aside from my general empathy for all things living, (or formerly so) as I scooped them up (with a paper towel- eeeeeeeeew) all I could see were them singing, "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day it's Cinderelly..." in those cute little clothes. Horrible!

But there is something. worse. When I finally mustered up enough gumption to stomach picking them up to throw them into the (very bushy) ivy in our yard (where we must have QUITE a collection going on- eeeeeeeew) one hit a leaf and bounced back out at me. This is the point where Gus Gus morphed into Flying Zombie Death Mouse- I am NOT kidding and it was NOT funny. My immediate reaction was exactly like the stereo-typical female prototype I'm always trying to avoid... I threw my hands up, wrinkled up my face and hopped backwards up and down squealing until it occured to me there might be MORE dead mice on the grass which would be the ultimate in mentally domestically damaging events if I stepped on one. OH man. Not ever, ever again. (bonus points if you can find THAT entry!)

It's so nice to be able to sit and write... Randal is teaching Tobin the fine art of playing "Go Fish", with Aiden serving as the fisherman, should they need to draw, or "fish", if you will. It'll be time for our my family walk soon... we're going a bit early today, since my parents just got back from SoCal for their 28th (?) anniversary and they brought us some piratey surprizes from Disneyland. Super! (speaking of Disney, we're thinking of making a family trip to Disneyworld around the holidays- you're free to save up and come, too! :) And yes, we've seen the new Pirates movie which was SO RAD, even at the front-row neck-kinking closeness. Randal and I went with Sister (aka: Amy) and her boyfriend Ryan and also Porky, (aka: ... wait, she has a real name?) which was a nice suprize. It was nice to hang out with the three of us sisters, which never seems to happen anymore.(mostly since Pork moved her entire life and mind to Mike in Oregon, but she's an adult and I'll be happy as long as she is, but then it doesn't seem like she is, but again, I digress. We miss her.)

We had a dinner party the night she was here, since my Auntie Sioux (or Ah-Ah Shoo, if I regress about 24 years or so) was visiting with her husband Erik from Missouri. We have three small cafe tables out on our patio, so we enjoyed each other's company and Randal's culinary genious al fresco, which was so wonderful and relaxing. There was so much food and goodness, we were all full to the brim, inside and out. You can see by all of the pics above! The others are from our visit to Grammy & Boppa's on Father's Day, when Aiden was baptized (by Boppa, of course) and we took some great pictures of flying kites at the beach, which was all Randal wanted for his first Father's Day home, which was incredibly relaxing and wonderful for us all.

Not everything has been sunshine and roses, though. On the opposite end of relaxing, there's yesterday's story of Amy falling down my parents' driveway and giving herself a cuncussion and me a panick attack.... ( a combination of hot sun, a glass of wine, platform heels and a steep driveway, then the side of my car and the hubcap, which is what she actually split her head on) I don't know what happened, and neither does she since she has a cuncussion, except that I was in my car & she was walking to it, and then I heard a thump on the side of my car and she wasn't anymore. I was about to laugh even, and said, "Yeah, sister? You're just gonna fall over, huh?" but then after 5 seconds and no sighting of a sister, I got out.

She was pale, not moving, laying on her back. I figured she was just waiting for a hand up and I was waiting for the "daaaamn" or "ouuuuuch" or whatever she was going to say, but she was just laying there. I crouched down saying, "Sister.... Sister!" and began patting her face, trying to get her to wake up, a thousand things running through my head...  she has to wake up. She has to wake up. Do I call 911? My parents? Randal? This isn't working.... what if she really hurt herself? among many, many others. She never stopped breathing, or I would have really been panicked. I know CPR, but not what to do with a two kids strapped in the car with no one home and an unconscious sister bleeding from the head in the driveway. Finally, after almost a minute of being unconscious, half of it filled with rigorous patting to the face (which is all I could think to do) she screamed, "NOOOOOO!" (which she doesn't remember) and then said, "Hello. The sun is in my eyes." To which I fetched her sunglasses, which were covered in blood. Yuck. We applied cold pressure to her head, which freed her up to realize she'd really hurt her shoulder. She has it in a sling now and has a nice gash on her hairline, but is otherwise doing well. My nerves are healing, also. Sheesh.

Well, I believe that is enough to fill the gap in my writing for now... it's no nice to have someone else here to help! I hope you all are doing well, and I promise to get pictures up as soon as I can. Our canary (Zaphod) is singing, our Finch (Beeblebrox) is meeping and it smells like dinner is ready. Ahhhh, domestic bliss. (and all that follows :)

quote for the day: "Nor need we power or splendor, wide hall or lordly dome;
The good, the true, the tender -- these form the wealth of home." Sarah Hale

The Sun!!

I don't have much time at the moment since it's almost bedtime for the boys and we had a long day, but since a picture is worth a thousand words, I just left 36,000 for you, so that should suffice for a while. I'm doing SO well and loving being with the boys and counting down the two weeks until Randal is here! (and the date of my next runway show, coincidentally on the same night...) The pics are of the pool at the apartments, the kids building, the apple blossom parade and the park up the street. Whew! (PS; The last picture is SO AWESOME! They were showing me how full they were from their yummy dinner of tofu & "chicken" with yellow curry over basmati rice. Mmm...)

Whew. There is SO MUCH going on right now! At least one member of my family (except me! :*(  Boohoo.) has been with my grandparents since the last entry, helping out around the house and with whatever other odds and ends they might need help with. Boppa seems to be recovering wonderfully and the doctors say the operation added another 15-20 years to his life, which is also wonderful. Grammy's OTHER kne has started hurting, possibly as a complication due to her lack of ability to put too much pressure on her first knee... poor lady! She's got a remarkable attitude, though. She's always told when in rough times to remember, "this too, will pass..." which helps in most situations. Unfortunately, pain doesn't pass until you figure out where it's coming from & why then fix it, but hopefully that's coming. She's trying acupuncture, which I've heard AWESOME things about. Of course, I'm always interested in alternative healing methods, which is why I want to continue my education in Holistic/Naturopathic medicine. I haven't landed on one specific methods that feels best to me- I have a feeling it's going to be a lot like shopping for jeans... you just have to start trying them on to see which on fits what I have going on the best!

Another thing fueling my desire to learn how to heal is that Kira is really, really ill. She's finally getting through the paperwork for insurance, but it seeing 4 or 5 different people and taking as many medications. She had a fever of almost 104 last week and was t in and pumped full of radiation so they could look at her heart. It was then they found out that she's got Hodgkin's Lymphoma. (as opposed to non-Hodgkin's) She's got a lot of work cut out for her... it's so hard to watch someone so vivacious and lovely turn into someone so pale and weak. We went from seeing each other at the least every other day to her returning my phonecalls maybe once a week because she is so exhausted and out of it. My heart hurts so much for her... it's like Aiden's Going On A Bear Hunt book, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it.... oh. no! We have to go through it!"  .... yuck.

On the lighter side of things, I got to spend time with *two* of my girlfriends who live in Sacramento this weekend. Casey, (www.caseysuedesigns.com) who I model for quarterly, and Tara, who just *FINALLY* returned from Utah with her fiance (and my other very good friend/ex-roommate)Jorge and their 6 month old, Jayden. Tara had her own share of extreme difficulty last year which lead her to recover and nurture her pregnancy with family in Utah. They just arrived in Sac last week- it was SO GOOD to see them! Jayden also has THE BEST CHEEKS EVER. Oh man. I must have kissed them a thousand times! :)

Of course, with each up there is a down, and as one friend finally returns from another state, I have another leaving. My friend (and also friend to both of my sisters and family) Ryan is taking off for Portland in a week. Boohoo!! Ryan is someone that has always been there for me to help with the kids or myself, who worked with me at Gottschalks and has been SO fun to hang out with for the past few years. We had a going away slumber party (this is where I should mention he's gay...;) and morning mimosas over the weekend (see pic above) and I'll probably see him once more before he goes, which is totally bittersweet because I'm happy he's got his life together and is following his desires, but I'm going to MISS that boy!

As for my own boys, they are doing wonderfully... Tobin is a wonderful student in school- each day I pick him up, I am always hearing about how well he uses his words in conflict management, and how perceptive he is in reading the other kids' emotions. Of course, I already know these things since I figured out that he's an Indigo, (www.indigochild.com) but it's nice to hear them reinforced. In fact, the teacher has told me she has NEVER seen a four year old as mature and collected in terms of his conflict management skills as Tobin. That's my boy!

Aiden is still skating up a storm- as weather permits, anyhow! We had a spell (and a new record!) of 43 days of rain (take THAT, Noah!) this last month or so which was SO LAME. The boys were fighting ALL the time in our tiny apartment with no outside time. I'm sure teachers and other parents were going nuts, too. Then finally- *FINALLY* last week, we had some sun. HALLELUJAH!! ... except that when I went directly to the pool with the boys to soak up the sun & run off some energy, I did a bit too much of the former and they did too much of the latter and I ended up carrying exhausted little boys back up the apartment stairs with a completely scorched front half. Damn.

I have taken Aiden out of his Waldorf school since I am finally home enough to be able to teach and spend time with him myself. The school is SO great, but is expensive for a two year old who doesn't necessarily need to be in school yet. He'll likely return in the fall, when I am planning to return to school as well. He is using his words really well now, too! About half of his sentences are complete gibberish, but you can usually make out the words "skateboard" and "kickflip" or "boardslide" in there somewhere. He thinks the word is "scapeboard", so he's always saying, "Mommy, I nee-a scape ousside!!" ... and that, he does.

Randal is due to come home at the end of next month, possible on the same day as my next runway show on May 19th. That would definitely be a surreal way to see him again for the first time! Regardless of what happens where, I know it will be a memorable occasion. He has one more patrol and then (after a year and a half) he's *THROUGH* in Iraq. I can't wait!

As for me... I'm doing well and finding it enough to fill my days simply trying to keep my kids' and friends' health and schedules straight. I am enjoying every minute of time I get to spend with each of them, knowing this too, will pass.I am filled with so much love, it's amazing. The depth of connection I feel to my friends and family these days in unparalleled for me. I feel like I'm finally headed down the right track for myself and my life, with possibilities and learning experiences around each crazy turn that seems to come my way.

Well, I have to walk with Aiden to the store and run about ten errands today before Tobin is out of school, so I better get going. I hope you all are well- don't forget to drop a not or comment and say hello! I love hearing from you guys, too.

take care...

quote for the day: "When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." Henri Nouwen

:(

I have been staring at the keys for a few minutes now.. a few moments ago, my head was rushing with thoughts/feelings/ideas/questions/concerns and the only thing I know to do when I have such mental and emotional upheaval is to pour it into paper (or screen. it loses something, but it's so much faster!) and now I sit and my mind is nearing numb.

There has been such an upswing in my life in the amount of wonderful instances, that it can only be evened out by weight so grounding there is no way my head will float away in all these silver lined clouds. In the past week, I have learned that two people that are SO close to me have life threatening/compromising medical problems. My Grammy has been "disabled" (for lack of a better term) due to surgery (& ensuing complications) on her back, neck AND foot. She is hard pressed to do most everything, and Boppa (these are my dad's parents here, if you're not hip to the "Grammy & Boppa" thing, btw) has been taking care of near everything for a few months now.

Until last night, when he thought he was having some indegestion and went into the hospital to find out today that he needs triple bypass surgery. These two people are like gold to me, as well as to each other. I have always been fairly intuitive, if you will- very attuned to the feelings of others- and when I think about how I feel and how they must feel for themselves and each other, it causes me to sit and stare at the keys, speechless.

On top of this, I learned last week that Kira, one of my closest friends, has Lymphoma. She's had a tumor growing to the size of a hand growing rather quickly from her shoulder towards her throat. She's been sick for quite awhile now, sleepless with itchy rashes at night with an ever-incresing neck lump- it's good to now know what is causing it so that it can be treated, but unfortunately, most treatments for advancing stages of cancer are paticularly terrible- namley chemo, which I'm sure you're familiar with. We find out this week which forms and how much of treatment she will need. To top off her plate, she is struggling with insurance and is also unable to work or collect unemployment due to her illness. I feel so awful.

So, the reason I chose to write here instead of in my own journal I have at home is because I truly believe in the power of people, and the power of prayer. I don't know how many people actually read this (although there are over 4,000 hits onthis site!) but who and wherever you are, you can help. If you pray, if/however you commune with whatever higher power you feel there is, (and if you don't, I'd normally say talk to Boppa, but he's a bit indisposed. Take one for the team here and just assume for a while, until he can get back to you) please take some time and energy right now and again when it crosses your mind to focus your thoughts/prayers/energy/good vibes/etc on healing my friends and giving them (and the people who love them SO much) what it takes to get through all of this insanity.

I feel like there is a sinking stone amidst the whirlwaters in my mind, landing heavy in my stomach to wait for what will happen, what is beyond my power. It is also times like these I feel especially motivated to learn all I can about Holistic Healing, which is the field I feel really called to. Part of the wonderfulness coming my way is that I get to go back to school after Randal comes home and finish my education, now that I have some damn direction. (okay, so kids are a little sidetracking.... :)  

Hopefully what comes out of this is a lot of family support and strengthened friendships, as well as stronger awarenesses of our own mortality and the importance of friends and they love they bring to our everyday lives... and the vacancy we'd fill if they didn't. I'm thankful for my own health and that of my children, although Aiden is fighting a head/chest cold that Tobin has already moved through, so my nights have been riddled with cold little feet in my sheets and every other hour awakenings by poor little congested chest spasms. My days have been filled with tissues, cough syrup (homeopathic & honey based :) tea and reading Stella Luna, The Hungry Catepillar and The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes- one of my favorite Easter books as a child.

The boys are up now and needing dinner, as well as more medicine and attention... I will leave updates as they come... for now, please keep all three of my loved ones in your prayers until we know more. I hope all of you are in good health & spirits, as I am trying to be. :)

quote(s) for the day: "Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world." Margaret Laurence

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." Scott Peck

 

Stones & Nuffins

Skatin' Aiden

Model Musings

Whew!

I had another runway show this weekend on St. Patty's Day and it was a lot of work and a lof of fun. (imagine that) They spent FIVE hours on my hair and make-up! (or "pick up" as Aiden calls it) There was a lot of waiting in between, but Kira (the blonde in the green in the group of four- from left: Kira, Me (in drooping "fur" hair, but we'll get there) Casey Sue (of www.caseysue.com - check out her clothes!) and Lauren, her assistant and friend) was there taking pictures, which I have yet to develop. That's two rolls of film I'm sitting on now- one from Grammy's and one from this weekend. I'll get there!

It's always so interesting to step out of one's world and into a completel different one. This weekend, I went from domestic warrior goddess to furry haired fashion diva. Let me just tell you a little bit about what that takes- (aside from 5 hours of having your head poked, pulled, sponged, glooped and schelacked) I had to practice walking in heels for a couple of days (OH my aching feet/toes/calves/quads!) and spray tan (better than fake-n-baking and getting cancer in like a month) on top of watching a number of other runway shows to try and snag the vogue-ness of other models so I can pretend to know what I'm doing. :) When I develop the pictures, I'm sure they'll speak for themselves!

Casey was by far the top designer of the evening, and went last as a result. She is SO commited to excellence in her work, as well as incredibly creative and professional. She is one of the friends I've had for many years who I always come away from feeling inspired and happy. There are a selesct few that I have met in my life who just have that spark that spreads to everyone they know, and Casey is definitely one of them.

Among others off of the top of my head are Grammy (& Boppa... they're usually not too far from one another) Genery, Annie, Tara and Randal. I'm sure there are SO many others- luckily for me, I have a wonderful array of friendships on many levels, all of which inspire and fill me. These people are infectious, though. Infectious, I tell you! You simply can't walk away unchanged, even if it's shaking your head, muttering, "Never in my life have I seen/heard/thought...." These people guarantee to poke around in the little embers of the recesses in your brain and rekindle fires. At least for me, which is why I keep them around! :)

Things are going well at home-it's actually staying clean(ish- do houses ever REALLY get & stay clean? Please, tell me if you know! ...although if your answer is yes and it's yours, be prepared for your robe, crown and scepter (apron, hairtie & scrub brush) for you are the true Domestic Queen!) I am able to drop off and pick up Aiden from school, and have time to pick up the house/run errands/breathe in between, which is amazing.

Truly, it is the most simple of pleasures for me to straighten the shelves, vacuum (with my sweet new vacuum! That I bought for mySELF on Valentines Day. Yeah. Okay- trying to feel *good* about my domestication here...) So back to my finding joy in vacuuming, dusting, wiping... I still hate mopping, though. Not growing on me there. But I love what it feels like to walk into a clean, well balanced room. I *LOVE* it. I love everything having its place, whether functional or sentimental. It makes me feel so much better about what I have and who I am, both of which are a lot.

Well, once again my life is calling, but I'll try and write more when I get those other pics in (tomorrow...?) more about the kids and Randal and whatever else I feel like at the moment. :) I hope you all are well- I'd love to hear from you, too! Feel free to comment anytime!

quote for the day: "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

Rabbit Rabbit

In high school, someone somewhere (actually, my friend Matt Gnat (Guh-not) if I remember correctly) said that it was good luck to say "Rabbit Rabbit" first thing on the first of the month. I have no idea, but since it's the 1st, I figured I'd sort of translate and have it the first thing I wrote this month. You know, like holding your breath over a bridge (in case it collapses and you fall into the water!) putting your hands on the ceiling (and holding your breath?) in a tunnel (in case it collapses!) or picking your feet up and saying "Peanut Butter!" over railroad tracks. Come on, you know you do something, we all do! These are all vices that both my sisters and I observe on a consistant basis, and always have. There are also all the other unwritten but observed rules (although I guess this constitutes writing them) like no one can call shotgun (passenger) in the car until I have my keys in hand, or that the biggest sister gets the biggest piece of cake. I mean, this is common knowledge here! :)

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written- I've heard through various avenues that new words and pictures have been requested (Hello to my small group of 2nd mothers!) so here they are for you. I should have even more pics coming back after another couple of days when I get them developed. These are from our trip a couple weekends ago to Humboldt to visit Grammy (who is ailing in a number of ways, poor thing!) and Boppa (who is helping in a number of ways, bless his his heart).

I have been well, mostly, and the boys have been well, mostly. For about a week during Xmas, both boys and I were maintaining temperatures over 102, pretty much laying in a heap on the hide-a-bed at my Mom's for three days straight. That was NOT cool. I don't remember feeling that sick EVER, honestly. Good riddance to that!

The boys are in seperate preschools now and both doing spectacular- Tobin is in the child development program (full time and *free* since Manny is enrolled FT) at the JC, and Aiden is in a home-based Waldorf  Preschool (see info on Waldorf and Montessori methods here: http://www.awsna.org/awsna-faq2.html) three days a week, which is vegetarian, organic and serves hot meals the kids (in some way) help make. *love!* Man. I want to go to that school! I kinda want to go to Tobin's too, really. It's what happens when a group of proffessors and 4 year olds make up a place from scratch with tents, hammocks, slides, guinea pigs & veggie gardens, two huge sandboxes, etc. etc... I get to take Gabby & Aiden there on Wednsedays, too so that she and the boys still have time together. (She just turned 5! I'm not ready to talk about it yet, so just drop it.) This is going on my... 4th? year watching her. Whoa. It was three years in November, because I remember it was riiiight after Tobin turned one. One! Man.

Aiden turned two in November and is as classic of a two your old as one can imagine. Preschool has really helped his vocabulary- his 2nd week, he went from one word here and there to sentences! Children, mine in paticular, never cease to amaze me. Tobin is as articulate and aware as always, if not moreso. Aiden is still an avid skater, as you can see in the photos, even the sand is no deterrent. (of course, it's easier to balance and hurts less to fall there- win-win if you ask me! :) He sleeps with the darn thing! I need to get him a good board one of these days- the ones made for his size all have plastic trucks and lame grip tape- he's worn the grip off of two boards already, and snapped one. (you can tell in the picture the nose is missing)

Randal is doing as well as one can where he is, which is really unknown at any given point, anyhow. Somewhere near water in the Middle East is my closest guess, in general. For those of you that don't know, he will be stationed out of San Francisco when he comes home at the end of May for three years. (insert moment of speechless joy here) Done? :) I'm not, but sometimes I resolve to come back to it because I've got so much work to do.

I've cut back my hours at work to be with the kids more and give myself some breathing room, which is WONDERFUL. I felt myself turning into the overworked mother who is too tired for her kids at the end of the night (or picking them up at the end of the night and not seeing them at all) and not able to stay on top of the house, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the garbage... did you guys know that there's a REASON they smashed house and work into one word? MAN! It never ends!

Well, alas and alack, I muse be going, for my unending stream of things to be done is catching up to me. but at least this one is out of the way! :)

take care & eat your veggies....

quote for the day: "I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass