...cont'd

there are some pictures from wednesday night here- Genery, (isn't she cute?) the five of us (from left, Thomas, Dan, Gen, Avery & I) me, about to fetch more wine and us singing.

It was so good, though, to be in that space again, and making music just for the fun of it. Sometimes I forget what a huge part of me music -and the making of it- is for me. I have so many other things going on a daily basis that it kind of takes the backburner, if it makes the stove at all. (now there's chef's wife lingo for you) Grammy knows and reminds me of it as often as she thinks won't irritate me, bless her. I spent a lot of my life being afraid to sing where anyone could hear me. I still can hardly sing to more than my kids, but at least I'm mostly over my complete fear of being heard.

I wonder why that is... being afraid that someone might hear me. I suppose it's selfish, really. I have an ear trained to hear any pitch variations, which there are bound to be in any song sung live, since no one is perfect. But I hold myself to the highest standard, and didn't want anyone to hear me do it less than what I imagined it should be. I was more focused on being perfect than on the joy it gives me (and others) to simply be singing in the first place. What a lamewad.

So... wednesday night was awesome. It was one of the most happy, laid back times I've had in a loooong time. (aside from when I'm with Randal, but that's different than being with my high school choir nerd friends :) But also on Wednesday, I was changing Aiden's diaper and was aghast at what his skin looked like underneath it. It was all weepy, screaming red and blistered. I immediately called The Birthing Center, and they said to just take him to the emergency room, since no one was going to be Thanksgiving. Poo.

So, Thanksgiving morning, Genery and I head to the Urgent Care facility at Sutter. Strangely enough, there were two people I knew from high school there as well. We didn't do much visiting, though, since they were there because apparently one of their mothers tried to commit suicide. (happy thanksgiving- yeesh!) But the doctor looked at it for about 10 seconds and said, "looks like a fungal infection. Put this stuff on it, and if it doesn't work, come back"

Laundry is eating my house. Seriously.

My house is SO MESSY!! I am going insane. A lot of it is because I *finally* did laundry when Gen was over to help yesterday (hooray!) and we did six whole loads or laundry, which is now, clean, dry, and EVERYWHERE.The rest of it is constructed of various items that have found their way out of their respective homes in effort to join the fight against my sanity.

So... whatEVER excuses this profound mess? (I know a lot of you that have seen my house are probably thinking "oh! There must be a toy on the floor!" but seriously. Laundry is eating my living room.) I have had a busier schedule than usual this weekend, which is also my excuse for having not written the past week. I started to a few times, but either fell asleep or was disrupted again.

Tuesday, I went back to work, which was good, but tiring. I think it was especially good for Gabby & Tobin and their naps. (see pictures Gabby & Tobin, and me & the sling someone gave to Amber to give me that Aiden and I both LOVE :) Wednesday, I worked, then went to a pre-thanksgiving suare with some friends from high school I pretty much haven't seen since then. I can't TELL you how good it was for me, both just to be there, and to NOT be at home, mommying and cleaning and laundry-ing. *ahh*

My ex boyfriend from my junior year (blonde haired-blue eyed boyfriend born in July #2- there are four.) Avery was there, along with Genery's ex-boyfriend Dan, whose mother was the school librarian, and Thomas,  lacking in the presence of an ex, but who played drums in their band, ETC. (I still have all the songs memorized) There was an entire roomful of other people I didn't know, eating turkey, drinking hard alcohol, listening to rap and playing video games, while the 5 of us sat drinking red wine, eating Tofurkey, singing with a guitar, mandolin and an overturned fondue pot and forks and playing Cranium. (my first experience with Tofurkey and Cranium- both get good ratings on the julie-o-meter)

After a few glasses of wine, Thomas thought it'd be a *great* idea for me to put on the gorilla suit (leftover from Halloween?) on the couch and go refill his glass in the room with "the others". I, perfectly sober, agree. I get called all sorts of names and the joy of seeing some of the best facial reactions I've seen in a long time. As a sidenote, everyone assumed I was a guy. Interesting.

 

...cont'd (still)

4) The children clause. As I'm trying to try these things on, Tobin is jumping on the newly remodled couch-things in the dressing room trying to see his shoes, and Aiden starts crying. So, I have *half* of cute little bra #1 on and regular ol' cotton granny panties, and I'm forced to pick up the baby, bouncing him around the room, trying not to look at my pasty white skin that hasn't see daylight in MONTHS, and Tobin decides that would be a SWELL time to open the door. I could feel the satisfactory smirks from all those evil-eye givers at once. Ugh.

I cram my clothes on, and the kids in the stroller and try and make my getaway from the EVER so helpful salesgirls and their prodding questions, which I am FAR too sensitive for by that point. "How did those work for you?" How would a karate chop to the jugular work for YOU, Miss SkinnyMini?!? or "Did you need another size?" NO, no I do NOT thank you, since I am clearly a whale and NOTHING will ever fit me and look good, so if you don't MIND, please leave me to wallow in my flabulous misery! I gather my newly and extremely humbled self, keep my eyes lowered and beeline for the nearest exit, never looking back.

Well, as if on cue, both boys just woke up. So I'm going to haul myself upstairs in my comfy, baggy sweats and create and art project for Tobin and I out of every magazine with a flawless person with huge breasts and skinny thighs I can find. Curse them, curse them all.

quote for the day, "I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" Jean Kerr

...cont'd

Even moreover, the blinky lights are on HUMMERS. Woo. Now what boy wouldn't want boots with blinky light hummers? Tobin was jumping around and stomping and then trying to stop really quickly and look at his shoes and kept falling over- it was SO funny.  I'll try and take some pictures at least of the shoes so you too can witness the coolness.

So we're walking around the mall (it's excersize. It's indoor. There are twinkly Christmas lights for the kids to be entertained by, and more people watching than I could ever want) and I think Randal's coming home. Maybe I'll venture into Victoria's Secret and see if they have anything cool. Okay. Yeah. Mistake #1. Let me just TELL you all the reasons why a woman with a newborn (and a two year old!) should never go into Victoria's Secret. Here goes, in no paticular order:

1) The salespeople are SCARY. Within the first few feet, I am doused with perfume and shimmer lotion ("it's seasonal! it's happy! You'll LOVE it, we promise!") and Tobin is handed two little stupid stuffed dogs- "Only $15 with a $75 purchase!" Yeah THANKS, chicky. If only I could really shoot daggers out of my eyes.

2) Other Shoppers and Salespeople. EVERYone was looking at me funny. Either that "Don't you know that after you have kids, you are granted the ease of looking haggard all the time, and you never have to be sexy again?" one with the eyebrows raised to the tips of their forehead and eyes wide with confusion, or "You're thinking of lingerie and you had a baby HOW long ago?? I hate you. Hate hate hate!" with the eyes in little slits, eyebrows furrowed and pointing sharply down in the middle.

I brush them off, contented in their jealousy at my skinniness and beautiful boys. I pick out some things, and head toward the dressing room.

3) The Pregnancy Clause. Now, let me just begin to tell you that NO ONE- *no one* should be put in front of a mirror in teeny clothing having had a child within the last month. Not even the skinny ones. It was horrible. Displayed before me was the ghastly horror of all the new lumps, bags and bumps pregnancy had bestowed upon me. Brave, brave (stupidly confident?) person that I was to try in the first place, I am now scarred for life and I'm not sure I will ever look at those cute little undies the same again.

Oh. My. Lord.

First things first- I DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE. I was SO about to put them on Randal's team, but he already put everyone with 80s bangs on my team. Damn! So, Randal my love, you can laugh yourself to sleep at my newest recruits. Amber sent me an e-mail with this attached and I just HAD to chare the horror with you all. Now THAT'S child abuse. Geeeeeez.

So, today I ventered out of my humble abode and into the mall. Yeek. Tobin desperately needed well-fitting shoes (he's in a size 8w!) and I desperately needed to get away from the house, since the farthest I've gotten the past 2 days is the mailbox. The holidays always bring the eh... how do I say.... "interesting" folk out of the woodworks. I saw three mulletts (someone PLEASE DO SOMETHING to assure me that do's of the 80s will stay there!!) waaayyyyyy too many happy-pappy salespeople and more than a few assorted varieties of wrong wrong wrongness. At least mullets are on Randal's team. OH yes.

The team game, by the way, is when you see something SO WRONG/funny/off the wall that it just *has* to be on someone's team. Like a really really huge person walking a chihuahua or pegged jeans (no more 80s! Once was enough!!) or like... you know, when the M & E went out on the Home Express sign. THOSE are quality team-findings. Anything can be on a team- you can make team clubhouses (like Amy's- the super rundown not-even-one-pole-standing heap of wood that used to be a barn on Hwy 12) team cars (any WRONG colored car- like neon pink, purple or that horrible baby-poop-green is on Randal's team) or team mascots. (roadkill, pets with strange growths, or any poor animal that Tom Green touches) You can call specific items/people/things or blanket statements, like "all 80s bangs". (my team. D'oh!) The ONE rule is that if you call something on someone's team that's already on yours, it's DOUBLE on yours. That may not sound too scary, but just think if I'd actually called the scary family above on Randal's team! Double on my team would just be out of control. No one wants that.

So, back to the mall. We went into Stride Rite, and I did another thing I' never thought I'd do- I bought shoes with the stupid blinky-lights. They're really good shoes, though. They have antibacterial lining, (did you know kid's feet sweat 6x more than adults?) ankle and heel support and did I mention BLINKY LIGHTS?

...cont'd

I miss Randal so much. This is SO HARD. I thought I was tired before! It'll probably just take some time for us all to settle into a routine, but getting there blows. In some ways, it makes it even harder when he is actually home for awhile, because it's just enough to get used to having someone there, and than all of a sudden, I'm back to no one.

Not that there's NO one- my family is around, but they're usually so wrapped up in their own little world dramas that even if I could get myself to point of asking for help, it rarely does much good for anything except reminding me why I never do it in the first place.

Well, Uncle Ryan will be happy to know that Aiden just man-farted himself awake.  He burps like a champ, too! I don't think I have EVER witnessed gaseous exertions that parallel the likes of Ryan, but who knows- Aiden's got a gooooood running for him so far. Great, I'm talking about burping and farting. Ahhh, to be the mother of boys. I have a feeling this is juuuust the beginning. :)

quote for the day: "There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world." Robert Louis Stevenson

*Ahhhh*

I just got out of a 35 minute shower. *ahhhh* Both boys are sleeping, and I probably should be, too. Howeverm a loooong shower (or bath) and writing are just about as theraputic for me as anything. I realized this morning that I hadn't even showered in... days. I don't even know how long. So, I took and extra long, extra scrubby shower and now I feel MUCH better.

This morning, I thought I was losing my mind. I did it. I knew I would at some point. I hated it before I did it, when I was doing it and I still hate it, but I did it. I found the end of my Ghandi-like patience with Tobin. They were both crying this morning (precurser- I am NOT a morning person) and Tobin was merely crying because Aiden was and Aiden had my attention an the moment. So, of course- because it's the BEST way to quiet a two year old, I said, "STOP. CRYING."

Yes, well, we ALL know how well that worked. So now they're BOTH hysterical and I feel like crying myself simply because I am exhausted and because I was hoping somehow the never ending patience most choose to award me with actually existed. Alas and alack, I know no one is superhuman, least of all me. Nevertheless, there we were, the three of us crying in the bathroom for our own selfish reasons, and me the only one with anything to do about it. When do I get MY turn to just cry and have someone come running to meet my needs? Where is the person to hold me and ask what's wrong and just sit with me until I feel better? On a freakin' boat, that's where. *sigh*

I also just *LOVE* the fact that nature decides that right after you have a baby is a GREAT time to give you all these insane horomones, just to MAKE SURE you lose your mind, in case having a newborn doesn't get you there fast enough. Luckily, even perma-PMS doesn't totally annihilate me, and I have obtained the ability to rationalize my retardedness. "I am not insane. This is just hormones. Is it HOT in here??" Unfortunately, my rationale doesn't make me FEEL any better. It just helps keep my feet on the ground so I can at least try and keep moving through it, which I've found is one of life's most important things.

Insanity

Now, is there anything more precious in the WHOLE WORLD than that picture right there? No, no there's not. I *had* to get it up there, just so you guys can appreciate the cuteness 1/2 as much as I do. He's two weeks old today!

So Randal is coming home next on the 3rd- I have to book his flight in the morning. Hooray! At least he'll be home in an amount of days that almost fits entirely on my fingers instead of my entire family's. Much more tolerable. Going from having him here with 2 kids to doing it myself is insane. I can't even believe how tired I am, which is why I'm insane for even writing right now, since both boys are asleep. I kind of revel in the time to myself though, no matter what the hour.

Tori released a new album today called Tales of a Librarian. LOVE LOVE LOVE! you can go to www.toriamos.com to read ALLLL about it. :) I just realized I can put links directly into my entires like that. Sweeet. Man oh MAN, I love her. It even comes with a DVD! (enter copious amounts of salivation here) LOVE!

Anyhow- I'm going to finish listening to the ENTIRE album (it has to be done. It is the way.) and head off for bed. YAY, new Tori!!

quote for the day: "I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up." Pearl S. Buck

...cont'd

Well, I'm going to finish my soup Randal left for me (aww) and rest, because I know damn well I better rest when the boys do (I have boys!! :) I'm still getting used to saying "the boys". I kinda like it. :) Anyhow- I'm going to rest and try not to think about how much I wish I could feel Randal laying beside me.

quote for the day: "People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle." -Thich Nhat Hanh

Pictures: Aiden tossin' gang sings already- WEST SIIIIIIIIIDE!, another more contemplative Aiden, Tobin in neon pink bobby-things and frog boots playing a recorder, (what else?) *AND* just because it makes me so happy inside, a bulldog puppy. AWWW!!!

change

...and just like that, things change.

Randal left at about 2:30 this morning... each time it gets a bit easier and a bit harder at the same time to say good-bye. Having Aiden gave me yet another way for me to love him, and another way for me to miss him. We're lucky in some ways to be apart, because, as "they" say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I bet we spend more time than most just thinking of little details we love about each other- like how he smells in the morning, or the look on his face when he says one thing but is insinuating something entirely different. We've both learned in our own ways to really cherish each other and the time we spend together, alone and with our children.

It's also really hard, though- having to be separate from him. My first day as a single mother of two is going alright, although I can't remember ever being this tired in my life. That could also have to do with the fact that we stayed up late talking as we always do his last night here, then I woke up with him at 2:00 to say goodbye, and was kept awake trying to think of anything in the world besides the click of the door shutting behind him down the stairs.

It's always strange the next morning- like it was all a dream. I go through my DDGRs thinking, "Last time I did this Randal was playing with Tobin... last time I did this was then Randal was talking on the phone in the living room..." But I've also found that I'm choosing not to relish in the love and pain it causes in being separated from him, but choosing rather to fill my days with my kids and chores and just not think about the time. It's easier to just accept the fact that he's not here and not coming here and get on with things than to spend any excess time thinking about it, because it wouls break me, and a broken mother is no good to anyone least of all the kids.

On another slightly related subject- I have the COOLEST diaper bag. Cooler than EVERYone's. Mine is the coolest. That picture up there is just it- it's by Petunia Pickle Bottom (say what?) and the color is called "Avocado Roll" I wanted it SO BAD the second I saw it, and I've been hunting for it for MONTHS. It's so pretty! I *LOVE* it! You can go to www.petuniapicklebottom.com to see the other colors and all the nifty features it has, because if I got into it, we'd all be here forever. But it's SO AWESOME! Love love love. :)

Love

Now, usually I'm not so squishy, but it's hard not to think of Love when I've finally got my husband and baby in my arms. (and Tobin, too!) Randal and I have a very different relationship, I think. I mean to say really, that life just kind of put us together out of left field and everything happened a little backwards, but here I am and we are, and I can finally say that when I wake up in the morning, I look forward to the things I have to do all day, and- as everyone always said, but I couldn't comprehend- the love after having another child isn't divided in two, it just multiplies.

Seeing Tobin as a big brother is just another avenue for me to love him through. I have so much respect for him and how he's doing and adjusting, and I feel to the deepest part of me his frustrations in not being the only light in my eye. He is doing SO beautifully with the social adjustment- Aiden's presence in general- and is only having a bit of difficulty with needing to be GENTLE around him.  He wants to just SQUEEZE him. I do, too (especially his liitle teeny butt!) but I try and refrain. Tobin is still perfecting this art.

Randal got to cook dinner for Grammy and Boppa last night, and it was really good. We had seared Ahi (Grammy's was mostly cooked and, as a sidenote, is pretty much the only meat I eat, aside from sushi. It's just so good!) and some baked rice something-or-other (aren't I descriptive?) that was really good. Mmm. Ahi. We found some at the Farmer's Market wednesday morning that was really fresh and cheap.

Well, we've got to run a whole lot of errands today- we're going to try and get Tobin's room at least mostly taken care of. (decorated and furnished, etc.) It should be fun. Anyhow- we're all doing well, and the pictures are ones I snuck yesterday of Randal and Tobin- I decided to play around and make them black & white, just because. They just LOVE each other, but I'll have to write more about that later.

quote for the day: "We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a "getaway." We cannot love and be limited." Alfred Adler

part 4

8:19: I am beginning to feel the flutter of panic in my stomach. They give Amy a little tube to put in his nose, and inform me that the cord was wrapped around his neck, and when he descended so quickly, it cut off his oxygen. After some coaxing, he finally cries. So does everyone else in the room.

I don't name him right away, since Randal and I still hadn't settled on a boy's name, but he feels like Aiden Kai. Randal calls like 1/2 an hour later, and I say, "Can you hear your son?" he says, "Yeah... how are you?" It's the first time I've heard his voice in weeks, and I almost start crying all over again. I say, "How do you feel about the name Aiden Kai?" he says, "Sounds great." and we start small talking a little bit, then he says, "Wait- it's a boy??" :)

They let him leave the boat early, and catch a flight out of LA instead of San Diego, into SFO instead of Oakland, and his plane lands at 11:30. Linda and Ray leave shortly after we get his flight information for airport, and make it back around 1:00am. I think he was kind of in shock when he came in the door, but very very happy. He should have been- he missed all of the hard part! :) He got into bed with us, and I handed the baby to him. He looked at me and said "Aiden?" and I said, "Okay." :)

I snuggled down next to both of them, and fell asleep breathing them both in as deep as I could.

quote for the day: "The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." Thomas Jefferson

part 3

8:10, My contractions are CRAZY INTENSE and I'm screaming and crying through them, and just whimpering and saying. "I HATE this!" in between. Amy is still calm, despite my yelling *directly* in her face, telling me I'm doing great, and to do what I need to. Thank God for her. I feel him move down in my pelvis, and scream, "I WANT TO PUUUUSH!! I want to push!" They tell me to breathe through it. I hate them.

8:12: Trying to breathe through my contractions, I feel SOMEthing on its way out and yell "HE'S COMING ANYWAY!!" (note the "He") My water breaks ALL over Amy and I. Neither of us care, but this sends Aiden's head even MORE down, and I think I'm going to die, or at least start wishing I could.

8:13: They check his heartbeat, and tell everyone to shut the hell up, which I am eternally grateful for. Then they tell me I need to push, and right now. His heart rate had dropped to below 60, which they didn't tell me until afterwards, which was probably good.

8:14:  I tell them I can't move, so Mom and Linda each grab a leg for me (thank goodness for THEM!) and I start pushing. I am actually grateful to be doing anything but screaming, and pushing gives my something contructive to do, and is also a sign I am almost done being in hellacious pain. THANK GOD.

8:18: They tell me to look down, and without my glasses on, I can't see much, but about 10 seconds later, they lay a warm, still, quiet baby on my belly. I immediately think he looks like Randal, and wait for him to cry, which he does not do. Enter the longest minute of my life. I remember saying, "What's wrong with him? Make him cry! Please cry, baby... please cry." They put a little oxygen pump-thing over his face and it's still not working. Every moment of my pregnancy I could have done something wrong flashes through my mind.

part 2

7:35: My contractions are increasingly long and painful, and without hearing from the midwife, we decide to just pack me up in the car and drive there anyhow, because I remembered from having Tobin that the car was NOT fun in labor, and I didn't want to be any worse off than I already was and have to be in transit.

7:40: I climb in on all fours in the back seat of my car, and Sean takes the keys. A few minutes later, the midwife calls and tells us to come on in, and we tell her we're already on our way.

7:45: I am having some INCREDIBLE contractions, and am trying to stay calm and give Sean directions, remember to breathe, and scream through my contractions. Poor Sean. I think I scarred both he and Tara for life. Amy was in the passenger seat, totally calm, saying "You do what you need to do. SLOW breathing, Julie. Make lower noises. You're doing great." Thank God for her.

7:50: I am BAWLING in the backseat, and screaming over every pothole in the stupid street. Poor Sean! I am reaching hysterics by this point, and can't feel my hands or feet. I feel my legs start to shake, and tell everyone I'm probably in transition (that happened to me with Tobin, too) so the baby is coming SOON.

7:55, I am in a heap in the backseat as we pull into the birthing center. My parents and Randal's parents pull up. I can't even BELIEVE the amount of pain I'm in, and I canNOT move. Vanessa (the midwife) comes to the car, and tells me that as soon as I have even the smallest break, I need to get out of the car. That was SO hard, but the SECOND after my contraction was over, I got up and told everyone to MOVE so I could beeline for the bathtub.

8:00: I am *almost* in the birthing center, but there's a nurses meeting in there, and I have to wait outside, barefoot in the rain, supported by Amy, for them to file out and give me interesting looks.

8:05: I'm having another contraction, and collapse on the bed, crying and screaming, and Amy lays right down with me. My butt is barely on the bed, which I am perpendicular to. Sean leaves the room, Tara is trying to make herself useful, but is clearly overwhelmed. I think this ir around the time Mom and Linda come in, too. Ray is in the other room with Sean. They need to check my cervix, but I can't move. I continue grabbing Amy's sweatshirt and screaming through my contractions- they tell me I'm 9 centimeters.

The anatomy of labor

Hello!

So here I go with my labor story. The pictures are of Amber (my boss) and Gabby holding Aiden, my usual view of him, Tobin sleeping (SO precious!) and Grandma Linda and baby- I think that glow to the right is just extra coming from her. :)

5:00-ish: I go to get my membranes swept (a process a bit like if there was a balloon blown up inside another, and keeping them un-stuck, only the respective balloons would be the placenta and uterus) because it usually helps encourage labor within 1-3 days, and we were set to pick Randal up Wednesday morning. I start having really light contractions immediately.

5:30: I call Genery (my best friend, who lives in Mountain View- about an hour 1/2 away) and tell her to keep her phone available because I'll probably be in labor within the next day.

6:15: I pick Tara up from the airporter, and am having light contractions about three minutes apart. She gets in, and I say, "Well, I think I'm probably in labor, so we should probably go to the house and get some stuff before I go to the birthing center."

6:30: Ray & Linda are back at the house, waiting for me to come back home and take them to my parents' house to have dinner, which I do.

6:45: I have my first contraction I need to sit down for. I had already arranged for them to keep Tobin there so I could spend some time with Tara, so we both go home.

7:15: Amy & Sean come over to hang out, too. In that 15 minutes, I go from "Hmm- yeah, this is probably labor" to "Ouuuuuuuuuch. Ouuuuuuuuuuuuch." leaning over on the counter. 

7:20: I call the midwife, Genery (again) and Randal. (well, the Ombudsman in charge of calling the boat, since there's no line for the public to call on)

7:25 The midwife calls back and says she's with someone at the hospital who is ready to push, so she wants to check her out, and will call me back.

Squeaker :)

So, Aiden has gained the nickname "Squeaker" already. He has yet to really let out a good cry- he just kind of squeaks enough to get my attention (which doesn't take much) and is happy again. (or sleeping again) Tobin is doing pretty well with him- the only thing we really have to work on is being GENTLE with him... he seems to think that Aiden can be grabbed and picked up by the neck like a doll, which gives more than Aiden a good startling.

Randal is here for another three days... I can't believe how fast time has gone by. I have a feeling I'm going to be saying that more and more, especially when I have a newborn and a 2 year old to care for alone. Well, alone may be stretching it a bit, since it's actually fairly difficult to get people to NOT come over right now. Understandable, since I have the cutest kids ever, though. :)

Randal and Tobin are playing right now how they've been playing the entire last week- with Tobin in his jumper yelling, "Do you wanna gimme those feet?!?" (Tobin-language for Randal needeing to "get" Tobin's feet) and then Randal tickles his feet and swings him so that when he swings forward, Randal acts like Tobin mortally wounded him, which, of course, is HILARIOUS to Tobin. With Gabby (and most little girls) she's rather put her babies to bed and sing to them, and Tobin would rather think he's beating the daylights out of someone. Does the gender difference really start this soon? Yeesh.

Aiden is eating and sleeping well (thank heavens) and so far, I even have the luxury of them BOTH taking around 3-hour naps and about 2:00 each day, so I can spend time with Randal. We were just laying in bed talking the other night, and we were talking about intimacy. He said something along the lines of  intimacy being something you should have even in a grocery store, and not just in the bedroom. Good thing, since we haven't seen each other in three months, and that's about all our intimacy consists of after having a baby. Oh well. :)

Well, we've got about 50 errands to run while we still have time together, but I'll try and write again and get the rest of the pictures I have up this afternoon. The next entry I'll probably write my labor story, so you'll all know the INCREDIBLE PAIN I was in. Aren't you excited? :)

quote for the day: : "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

BABY!!!!

That's right, there he is. Not even a day old yet. His (yes, his) name is Aiden Kai Torske, he was born at 8:18 last night after a short and hellious labor at 7 lbs. 10oz and 20 1/2 inches. Randal was notified at around 8:00, and was out the door for the airport by 8:05. His plane got in at 11:30, and his parents picked him up, getting him to Aiden and I at around 1:00am. Yay! I will write more later, of course, but here are some pictures for now!

quote for the day: "HOOORAAAAAY, I'm not pregnant!!!"

cont'd...

I redid my bathroom downstairs- it looks *much* better now. It was pretty much just white before, and now I have dark purple hand towels and a really pretty (not *too* girly) butterfly border and matching soapdish and soap dispenser. (Hooraaaaay for Target! Again.)  It was all pretty easy to do, which was awesome. I also had some extra wallpaper, so I cut out the butterflies from the border and made some flying up to the ceiling. Pretty snazzy. Maybe I'll take a picture with my handy dandy phone so you guys can see. :)

Well, Costco is beckoning. I had something I was going to write about, and now it's all just gone away. Pregnancy causes short term memory loss, you know! Of course, after I have the baby my excuse is shot, but I can still use it today! :) I hope you all are doing well, and hopefully I'll be writing about a new baby- OH! Yes. That's what it was. If it's a boy, we think we're going to use Randal Kai and just call him Kai. That's fine by me- he wanted to use part of his name, but before he wanted to use Neil, which is his ever so nonimpressive dad's name. Yick. So Randal is juuuuust fine. That also means that whenever Genery has kids, she can still use Aiden, though I LOVE that name. (Figures both of our favorite names are Aiden and Kai. Such good taste! :)

Okay, well now that I remembered, I'm off for grocery shopping. Woohoo!

quote for the day: "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." Anne Frank

3...

Well, it's official. Tobin has his own room now. I went to bed last night for the first time in over two years with no crib in my room. I cried. I almost cried when my dad was putting together his crib in the other room, too. I *LOVE* waking up to Tobin in the morning. I would NOT love sleeping with two babies waking each other up in my room, though. I'm going to get some fun stuff to put in there today so that it's more appealing for him to be in there, I hope he doesn't freak out.

Three more days until Randal is home!! I have a midwife appointment tomorrow at 12:30, and they're going to check my cervix again to see how close I am. They can sweep my membranes (basically kind of dislodge the placenta from the uterus at the bottom, to encourage labor) which usually works in a couple of days, but it would REALLY stink if Randal missed seeing the baby born because it worked too soon. Wednesday, wednesday, wednesday. That's all I have to hold out to. Only three more days. :)

The house is about ready to have a kabillion people trafficking through- Grandma and Mom have been helping me clean all week. (Thank you SO much, you guys) By the end of this week, I'll have Ray & Linda, Tara, Randal, and probably (hopefully!) new baby in the house. It makes me cherish these last few minutes to myself before Tobin gets back QUITE a bit more. I doubt I'll have much time to myself anytime soon after this. Crazy.

The pictures that are up today are of Gabby and Tobin this last week- it was 95 degrees on Tuesday! Then Thursday, it was snowing in Sausalito. (about 1/2 hour from here) Schizo California weather. Anyhow- I gave them their first pomegranate, and they were SO messy. You may not be able to see it, but rest assured, they are both COVERED in red. SO, of course, I stuck them in the pool, where you see Gabby washing off Tobin's belly. :) Then Gabby had to put her bear to sleep in her rainboot, which, of course, is where all bears sleep. On the way home, Tobin was sleeping- look at those eyelashes! I wish I had those! And lastly... is there a sale on the blue ones? I guess Target is as fun for Tobin as it is for Mommy. Hooray for Target! (again. :)