part 3

8:10, My contractions are CRAZY INTENSE and I'm screaming and crying through them, and just whimpering and saying. "I HATE this!" in between. Amy is still calm, despite my yelling *directly* in her face, telling me I'm doing great, and to do what I need to. Thank God for her. I feel him move down in my pelvis, and scream, "I WANT TO PUUUUSH!! I want to push!" They tell me to breathe through it. I hate them.

8:12: Trying to breathe through my contractions, I feel SOMEthing on its way out and yell "HE'S COMING ANYWAY!!" (note the "He") My water breaks ALL over Amy and I. Neither of us care, but this sends Aiden's head even MORE down, and I think I'm going to die, or at least start wishing I could.

8:13: They check his heartbeat, and tell everyone to shut the hell up, which I am eternally grateful for. Then they tell me I need to push, and right now. His heart rate had dropped to below 60, which they didn't tell me until afterwards, which was probably good.

8:14:  I tell them I can't move, so Mom and Linda each grab a leg for me (thank goodness for THEM!) and I start pushing. I am actually grateful to be doing anything but screaming, and pushing gives my something contructive to do, and is also a sign I am almost done being in hellacious pain. THANK GOD.

8:18: They tell me to look down, and without my glasses on, I can't see much, but about 10 seconds later, they lay a warm, still, quiet baby on my belly. I immediately think he looks like Randal, and wait for him to cry, which he does not do. Enter the longest minute of my life. I remember saying, "What's wrong with him? Make him cry! Please cry, baby... please cry." They put a little oxygen pump-thing over his face and it's still not working. Every moment of my pregnancy I could have done something wrong flashes through my mind.