change

...and just like that, things change.

Randal left at about 2:30 this morning... each time it gets a bit easier and a bit harder at the same time to say good-bye. Having Aiden gave me yet another way for me to love him, and another way for me to miss him. We're lucky in some ways to be apart, because, as "they" say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I bet we spend more time than most just thinking of little details we love about each other- like how he smells in the morning, or the look on his face when he says one thing but is insinuating something entirely different. We've both learned in our own ways to really cherish each other and the time we spend together, alone and with our children.

It's also really hard, though- having to be separate from him. My first day as a single mother of two is going alright, although I can't remember ever being this tired in my life. That could also have to do with the fact that we stayed up late talking as we always do his last night here, then I woke up with him at 2:00 to say goodbye, and was kept awake trying to think of anything in the world besides the click of the door shutting behind him down the stairs.

It's always strange the next morning- like it was all a dream. I go through my DDGRs thinking, "Last time I did this Randal was playing with Tobin... last time I did this was then Randal was talking on the phone in the living room..." But I've also found that I'm choosing not to relish in the love and pain it causes in being separated from him, but choosing rather to fill my days with my kids and chores and just not think about the time. It's easier to just accept the fact that he's not here and not coming here and get on with things than to spend any excess time thinking about it, because it wouls break me, and a broken mother is no good to anyone least of all the kids.

On another slightly related subject- I have the COOLEST diaper bag. Cooler than EVERYone's. Mine is the coolest. That picture up there is just it- it's by Petunia Pickle Bottom (say what?) and the color is called "Avocado Roll" I wanted it SO BAD the second I saw it, and I've been hunting for it for MONTHS. It's so pretty! I *LOVE* it! You can go to www.petuniapicklebottom.com to see the other colors and all the nifty features it has, because if I got into it, we'd all be here forever. But it's SO AWESOME! Love love love. :)