cont'd #2...

I'm tired (okay, that's the one stable factor) Aiden's bigger, Tobin's bigger, they've each changed their signature needs... (Aiden likes to be held like THIS this week, with your hands like that... You have to say it like THIS to Tobin or he'll do that...) and he's here just long enough to get caught in the swing of things and POOF! back to the ship (thankyouverymuch) where things are sure to have gotten messed up without him there. It's gotta be tough being indispensable, but I guess at the time, I know how he feels.

Well, speaking of having duties no one that you can perform- Aiden is up and crying, as per his MO. Ahh. Well, at least I got to write a bit. I'd love to post some pictures, but my cellphone also got his by the thundercloud of doom, and now thinks it's charging itself, won't save pictures and only vibrates about 1/3 of the time. Oh well. Add it to my to-do list. Ha.

I hope you all are doing well... I'll try to write again sooner this next time, I promise. :)

 

quote for the day: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Waldo Emerson

PS: Pictures are pretty much self explanatory- the GREAT ones at the beginning of the entry are from Baltimore. Others are of the kids at work, and Porky eating something WRONG and trying on a bee-YOO-ti-ful hat. :)

...cont'd

So... I'm writing! Hooray. It feels like forever- it has been, kinda. I could have guessed (and I'm sure you did, too) that my entires would dwindle after Aiden was born. He's SO CUTE. OH my gosh, you guys. He is like a little tiny Randal (with my chin) with perfect skin and little jowels and no neck.... he is SO CUTE. When he smiles, his eyes are shaped like mine- what my sisters & Amy (Muhly, not my sister Amy... hulloo Amy!) will recognize as "Sailor Moon Eyes". (Sailor Moon is a japanimation cartoon- the eyes on the characters when they are happy are shaped like little upside-down crescent moons) SO.. Aiden has those. SO CUTE.

Randal will be home again around the 4th, during 96ers, otherwise known as the four days they get off before they get underway. They're going North this time- BRRR. At least he gets to travel. I've been in this town 23 years and counting. YEESH. Oh well, though. It's comfortable. It's close to everything. I mean, in an hour in any direction, you can be in San Francisco (thecity- South) the ocean (West) the lake (pick one- East.. well, NorthEast)  the Russian River (10 minutes to an hour or two, depending on which spot you pick, NorthWest) the wine country (East).

There's a LOT around. In the daytime, anyhow. Nightlife, it's up to thecity with you! ...although I *do* really like this one place called Zebulon's Lounge (www.ZebulonsLounge.com) in Petaluma. It has live jazz 7 nights a week, and a full wine, beer & sake cocktail (Mmm!) list. No hard alcohol, which is FINE by me.) I'd probably take a night there (not to mention it's around the corner from the BEST sushi ever @ Hiro's- where Randal and I met) over boogying it up in Thecity most nights. MOST nights. ;)

Randal is doing well, and keeping busy, as is his MO. I think it's a little wearing on him having to keep on top of so much in both of his lives sometimes, though. Well, all the time, really. I mean, how could it not be? He's got to keep, what, seven? jobs straight on the boat (SHIP! Sorry! HE says boat, it's not my fault!) and then everytime he comes to his other life here for a few days, everything's changed.

 

 

Sorry!

Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry. I've wanted to write about amillion times in the past few weeks, but I literally have ZERO downtime. Tobin has been the sickest he's ever been the past week and a half- luckily Randal was here for the girth of it- but now Aiden is horribly sick (he's got the most awful, rattling cough) and I am coming down with it as well. Of course, there is laundry EVERYwhere and my house is bursting at the seams with project waiting to happen. I'm actually going to attempt to tackle some of them today, though we'll see what actually happens depending on sicky, here.

Manny's got Tobin today, which is nice. It's the first weekend in five weeks he'll e actually taking him the time he's supposed to. FINALLY. So much has happened recently, I don't know where to start. Thankfully, it looks as if the horrible dark cloud lurking over everything id beginning to break and lift. That was a hard, hard time for a lot of people. I got TWO tickets (both for expired registration on Randal's car, which I NEVER drive, but mine was getting the oil changed) but luckily they're just fix-it tickets, so I'll be okay.

Tobin is adorable and losing his mind at the same time- he's just 2. He's been sick for almost 2 weeks now (he's almost back to normal now, though) and so he's been SO clingy and sensitive.... ugh. I mean, I love love love him, but GOOD LORD, you know? And now it's the same with Aiden- he usually neeeeeeds to be held (and tightly- wrapped so he can't really move and bounced BIG- none of those little arm-bounces, man. You gotta get the KNEES in there!) but now it's even MORE necessary since he doesn't feel well. But dammit- I don't feel well! Thus is the life of a mother, I suppose.

To boot- I've also thrown out my back lifting the diaper bag incorrectly out of the car (isn't it always the stupidest things?) AND pulled my left shoulder muscle trying to sleep comfortably while holding Aiden in the position of his choice. HA. MY shoulders, especially my left one, since I'm left-handed, always seem to hurt, though. Maybe it's the 35 lb. 2 year old (well, maybe 30lbs. at the moment, after being so sick. Poor little dude.) I lift 25 times a day, and the 11-pounder I lift, oh, say, 463527453 times a day, roughly.

Heh.

Well, I'm at home again. Amber called this morning and said that she's just have her mom come so I could stay with Tobin and Aiden. Tobin's cough I think is getting better, by way of getting worse and sounding AWFUL, but I'm pretty sure it's just pushing itself out. He seems fine in spirit, if only a bit clingy and sensitive.

Aiden is telling Baby Bach EXACTLY how he feels at the moment- he's discovering his voice more and more. It's VERY cute. I love the point where babies start making those quintessential "baby" noises- coos, giggles and gurgles. I know at least Amy will understand me when I say it makes me want to just puke all over myself and explode. SO CUTE!

I actually have millions of pictures to get up on here, it's just a matter of doing it, which is a matter of time, which is a matter of AAHAHAHAHA! Today, I've got to try and get to the DMV and to the courthouse- FUN. I've also got to go get some more hippy medicine at Whole Foods.

I'm doing well, all in all- I'm still stunned at the horribleness that is so persistant in so many lives right now. I keep seeing Topper everywhere, and thinking I should call and see how he's doing, like his death was a terrible foresight, and not a terrible past event.  It's just so... geez. I may never know.

Anyhow- I've got to clean up breakfast and make myself and my children presentable for public viewing so that I can venture away from my abode and attempt to run some errands. Woooo. Anyhow- I hope you all are doing well- I'll try and write something a bit more meaty later. :)

quote for the day: "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." Gilda Radner

PS: Pics are of when Grammy & I took the kids to Coddingtown :)

sigh.

Well, yesterday, I got two tickets, (fix-it tickets, thankfully) cut my thumb on a piece of broken glass, got some housework done and merged all seperate piles of clean landry into one monumental heap. I also booked a ticket for Randal to come home this weekend. I was going to suprize him and go up there, but then his ATM card was stolen and he couldn't suprize ME so he came clean about planning a trip, and so did I. There's no way I could go right now anyhow, since both children have coughs and runny noses no medicince seems to touch.

Last night, I got up a total of 7 times- four with Tobin, three with Aiden. The last three times I got up were all kind of a fuzz, though. So I've been up since about 3:45. Nice. Isn't it naptime? So- I call into work and tell Amber I can't be there since the kids are sick, but she needs me to be there for a little while until her mom, the replacement, can be there. And then I realize that fairies have stolen my keys. They have evaporated. I'm sure these are leftover fairies from when Randal was here last, since they seem to continually plague him with placing things in different places than he thinks they should be. :)

I've looked in my ENTIRE house, called the landlord to see if anyone's turned them in- nothing. Which also means I can't go anywhere else, like to the store to get food and medicine, or, you know... anywhere, since even if I had the key to get out of my complex TO my car, I couldn't start it. The stroller's in the car, too, so I can't even WALK with them anyhwhere. UGH.

So... I'm sitting here, feeding Aiden and comforting Tobin, whining to you guys. Wheeee. At least Randal's coming home. We're going to have babysitting and clean the HELL out of the house. (because if we don't I'll go insane, and the quota has been met on that for this week, it seems) Then, we are going to Calistoga for mud baths and massages. YES. And I will come home to a clean house. YES. Things are looking better already.

Anyhow- I may write more during their naps, but for now, I'm off to wipe more gooey noses, cover coughing mouths and rock my babies.

quote for the day: "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow." Dorothy Thompson

Of course, there is a light for every dark, an up for a down, etc. Relativity. I can tell you I'm alive and mostly well... although I'll always feel like I need more sleep. (Well, HMMM) My mind is suprisingly calm- it usually is, though I could still be desperately grasping at shock so I don't have to feel so embittered and afraid of all of the horribleness everyone's encountered. What I've written isn't the half of it, either. Geeeeeez.

Anyhow- we're all alive, we're all well, considering. I'm typing one handed with Aiden asleep in my other arm. I'm about to get to sleep- HOORAY. I'm going to read for awhile and have some Lindt Truffles (the dark chocolate ones are the best OTC chocolate there is- and yes, I just used the term "Over The Counter Chocolate". :)

So... I wish the world peacefulness and relaxation this week, in body, mind and spirit. I hope you guys are hangin' in there out there- what a crazy, crazy world it is, eh?

quote for the day:

"A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last."

-Charlie Daniels

written en route to the funeral for his friend, Ronnie Van Zant of the band, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

So the title of this newest entry is "Loss" because there has been a lot lately, in and around my life. Loss of sanitly, loss of life, loss of words. A lot of people I know have had one of the hardest weeks EVER, and I just thought I'd comment on it, since I don't think coincidences are just happenstance. Cool. I just used happenstance. :)

The most publicly known loss was of both seeming sanity and lives and made the very first headline three days in a row in every paper I've had access to. A pretty close friend of mine- a guy I've known for years, trusted with my children, talked to weekly at least... killed his stepfather and aunt, criticually wounded his mother (still in ICU) and then ran, was getting caught and shot himself in the head. He died the next day. (www.pressdemo.com and search for "Christopher Topper" if you care to read the articles)

Amy called me at about 11:15pm Wednesday and said, "YOU are going to CRAP your PANTS. OH MY GOD." naturally, I said, "Okaaaay..." to which she replied, "Christopher Topper KILLED people. And he shot himself!" Enter loss of words #1. I mean, what do you say, really, besides (excuse my plain english) SHIT! I mean, really. It turns out the reason I hadn't run into him lately was because he'd been SHACKLED TO A WALL for 22 hours a day, coming down off of some meth somethingorother. (Probably smoking crank-gross.)

So they let him out and he loses it. Is it totally insensitive to say "Duh!" It is, I know, but geeez here, people. I mean, he was declared 'mentally incompetant to stand trial' so.... what, put him in rehab, the mental hospital, whatever- or, you know, chain him to a wall for 22 hours a day. Niiice. Do I even dare poke at the number of things gone horribly awry in this situation? I can't. I still can't even believe he's dead, and that he killed people. That's insane. There are no words. 

The following day, there was even MORE insane horrible  news, which I won't really take the liberty of sharing so the person, who has seen the err of their ways, can remain anonymous. Enter Temporary Loss of  Sanity here. I can tell you that it struck me as MORE monumental that the aformentioned situation, if you can believe it. Geeez. And then, an hour after hearing that load of crap, my mom calls to tell me Topper died. Geez. Loss of friend, Loss for words. So much loss.

Loss

So shoot me. Since the last time I wrote, Randal has been and gone, we went to Baltimore (see the great picture?), had a great time, then got back at two in the morning and proceeded to drive directly to McKinleyville to visit Grammy & Boppa (known as Pat & Wayne to the outside world) when we realized the keys to the car were in a jacket pocket left in Maryland. Um, yes. That was fun.

Being stuck in Sacramento wasn't all bad- the 2nd night we spent at my Auntie Gail's  (yes, I still call her auntie!) house and it was fun to visit with them. They were VERY courteous and extremely helpful, especially considering I called them one morning and basically said, "Hi, how are you? So- my entire family and I are stuck with our 2-weeks-worth of luggage, stroller and carseat- can we stay with you?"  THANKyouthankyouthankyouthankyou to them.

I also called my old roommate, Casey, who lives in Sacramento and went to 80's night at the club around the corner from her apartment. SUPERSWEET. I knew the words to everything, (I went ahead and left the 80s wardrobe behind... it's just all so sad...) shook my groove thang and discovered Cosmopolitans. We had a very fun time, which you can even see by the lovely pictures I'll post. :)

We've also discovered Aiden is a man's man. He is happiest naked, in front of a TV (the only male I've knwn to like Sex In The City as much as I do!)  with a boob as big as his head in his face. Who could ask for more? He's STILL got this horrible candida infection- I'm searching for Pediatricians this week. Any tips?

Tobin  is sick, at the moment. I can always tell he really isn't well when he has to constantly have my hand on his cheek. He was also very tired and whiny, which is always nice. :) Manny has him at the moment- I pawned him off so I could get through this LAUNDRY. It's neverending, I swear. One thing that was nice coming home to (after I went to Grammy & Boppa's with Porky & The Boys THIS weekend- travel, travel!) was that my mom picked up my house for me, which was heaven. THANK you, Mom. Seriousleh. :)