"Mommy YOVES a doggie!"

Hooray! I took the kids to see puppies (they have a little place down the street from the house) today. Now, NONE of you can tell me that there's something puppy breath and little kisses can't make at least a *little* better. You'll notice there are a few pictures (yep, that's more than one!) of them... and Grammy, that's a picture of Tobin kissing a Yorkie puppy for you.. :)

I actually went in to get my bulldog fix- (Necessary sidenote: Have you SEEN a baby bulldog? I have NEVER seen a puppy even HALF as cute as a baby bulldog. I almost imploded when I saw one the first time. They're like $2,500 and HECK if I need ANOTHER little something around the house to feed, water, clean up after and potty train. I am not insane. So... I just get my fix, and give them back. Like a Puppy Grandma.) So I'm feening for little tiny underbite with jiggly jowels and puppy breath and a HUGE belly with little puppy grunts in my ear.... and there are SO no bulldogs there. Sadness. But my ankle biters played with the other little ankle biters, and all in all, it was good.

Tobin didn't get down for a a nap until almost 4:00, although he wasn't cranky or anything beforehand. Just that kinda mellow, quiet tired. (I forgot they made that kind!) We read some books (Noisy Nora, which my grandma read to me, The Cat in The Hat, The Foot Book -of course- and two Thomas the Tank Engine toddler books about shapes and about numbers. Whew.) We always read a few books (toddler books are short!)

PS: I spoke with Randal late last night- he was in port in San Diego, I think, for just a little bit. I was asleep when he called and pretty groggy on the phone (see earlier I AM SO TIRED entires) but it was good to hear him, if even for a few minutes, and half dreaming. That's usually when I hear him, anyways. :)

cont'd...

I LOVE the colors in fall, and I love love *love* being able to wear sweaters and corduroys. Those are my FAVORITE things EVER. And scarves and all the warm fuzziness available. I LOVE having a blanket and a book when it's cold outside... a fireplace is a nice little topper in there, but I don't have one in my apartment, so the light of the fishtank will have to do. I have one pair of brown maternity (hisssssss) cords that are alright- I can at least pretend to wear my favorite clothes while having an NBA basketball attached to my middle.

On *that* note- I had a Birthing Center appointment on Friday, and everything looks great. My bloodwork came back just fine- I'm not even anemic this time, which I was kind of suprized about, since I was with Tobin, and I get accused of every 5 minutes since I'm so skinny. I'll have you know I'm drinking blueberry juice (blueberries & raspberries are very high in iron) and eating iron (and calcium!) fortified cream of wheat right now. Aww yeeeah. The baby's head is turned down, and the heartbeat is as strong as ever. Tobin even got to hear it again, which is kind of cool, though I'm pretty dure he has NO idea what the noise is.

So... still no boy names. I kind of like Dakota, or Koty for short, but Grandma said, "But that's a truck!" I figure if it's a boy, he won't mind being named after a truck. For THAT matter, I bet he'll think that truck is named after HIM. :) That very same Grandma (or Bobbe, if you're not her granddaughter) was pretty sure they invented Bobby Sox after her (since she's actially pretty good at softball) so I'm sure it will all work out. It's actually a Native American word that means "friend". All the same, I'm not sure that's THE name, but it's one I kinda like.

Anyhow- I better get going and get ready for work. I'll write more hopefully when I get home, so you can hear about the pigs at Amy & Sean's, Costco, and Uni. (eew eew eew). The anticipation! :)

quote for the day: "It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." Alan Cohen

Holy Cow

Ohhhh, you guys, I am SO stinkin' tired! I'm sorry I haven't written much lately- I've been doing my darndest to even stay awake during Tobin's naps and bedtime. The last few days, I've just gone straight to bed with him. He's actually still sleeping in my bed now, which is why I have the time and (sort of) the energy to write right now. Phew!

I have so many pictures! Even if I haven't been writing, I've still been taking pictures to remind myself to write about certain things. I actually even wrote an entry that was at least 2 long, and some charming little chubby fingers decided that it would be a pretty good idea to turn off the computer at that point. Ah, the life of a mommy. :)

First and foremost- I have on the COOLEST SOCKS right now! Linda & Ray sent a care package from their trip to Nebraska with a shirt for Tobin with all the footprints of all the native critters, a cute little white sleeper for the baby, and FUZZY PURPLE SOCKS with FROG HEADS attached to tha ankles. These socks are awesome, and seriously the warmest, softest ones I've ever had. (see picture!)

Linda would have you know that RAY picked out the socks (she put in a disclaimer like three times before the package even came!) so thank you RAY for the nifiest socks in my sock wardrobe. Some of you might think I'm being sarcastic, but anyone who's known me since high school (where I *never ever* wore just plain white socks- I had cow print ones with pink individual toes that look like udders, tie dye (of course) and about every other print but white) will know my affection for bizzare socks. So hooray! I have new socks!

I took Porky shopping in thecity (San Francisco, you you non-Cali-lingo-fied people) on Saturday, which was fun, but overall pretty tiring. We didn't find a dress, although we DID find Godiva (hey, gotta take what you can get!) and they have a new truffle called Pumpkin Cheesecake... OH heaven. Oh my goodness. That was the best thing ever. I love pumpkin- especially since it reminds me of autumn, which I think might be my favorite season. I can even bake a pretty decent pumpkin pie- from *scratch* even!

... cont'd

I'm going to post some more pictures in past entries, so I can make room for new ones, so feel free to scroll back and take a look at those, too. I also just checked, and you can click on the "view my album" or whatever that says, and it will show all the pictures I post on here in one foul swoop. I think you can even make screen savers and stuff with just another click from there. Nifty!

The camera in my phone isn't the best focus or lighting-wise, but it works, and I don't need to develop or send them or anything! OOH! Maybe I can take pictures of pictures and post them. I am *definitely* going to look into that. On that note, I have gathered the most recent pictures of Randal, Tobin and I, and I'm just going to copy them all at Kinko's, so if any of you want a chunk of updated pictures (in color on regular paper) just let me know. You MD folks have yours on the way, rest assured. :)

I finished the second season of 24 last night- SOOOOO good. Oh man, you guys have seriously got to watch it. The 3rd season starts October 28th, and I'm about to buy a TV *and* get cable just so I can see it. Well, my parents have satellite, so I can record it. Sweeet.

Well- I am going to watch the *bonus material* (insert drool here) for 24 now, and, of course, get to my DDGRs.

Ooh! Before I forget- a lot of people have been asking what to get Tobin for his birthday. He (and I both) really like the Leap Frog toys- Gabby has a few, and they're awesome. He has none so far, so he's love ANYthing. Also, he's been really into Dr. Seuss books lately. We only have a few- the board book version of The Foot Book (which I think we probably read 5 times a day) The Cat in the Hat and The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, and Go Dog, Go!

Dr. Seuss is also GREAT for their language development, and goodness knows Tobin's is already off the charts, so I want to keep him stimulated and learning. ANY books at ANY point are great, though. I'd love to hear what childrens books you guys liked or one you still like. I know my mom likes the "Love You Forever" book, and I remember Kimberly liking the "I. Am. A Bunny." book at Grandma's house. I read so much when I was younger, I hardly remember which ones I especially liked, although I bet my mom could help fill in there. 

Anyhow- off to my DDGRs.

Quote for the day: "There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sleep. Is. Good.

Hooray! I figured out how to take pictures with my phone, and load them onto here. Now you guys can even SEE how we are everyday. Well, somedays. I took this picture the other day when the kids were, as usual, naked and running around the yard. Those days are really fun.

Today... today was really tiring. I woke up and felt like I had glue in my eyelids. (not something I reccomend doing- if you want a story about putting glue in your eye, ask Grammy or my sisters!) I could NOT keep them open. Then, Tobin and his poor little self needed a BATH after the diaper change this morning, and you other moms will know what that means. Mmmmm. Also, during this bath, I left the bathroom to get dressed, and Tobin was quiet and happy.... then, as you other mommies (and daddies) will also know, I quiet and contented 2 year old is something to investigate, not cherish.

My brand new Coconut Milk bath gel I got for my birthday was full.... of water. Ohhhh, so sad. I might actually have to go spend $20 on i to have it again, too. It is (or was... sniff!) from the Bajik Spa line from The Body Shop- I forget the exact name, but it's SO YUMMY. Oh, it smells like heaven. I just want to keep smelling myself after a bath with that and my new perfume. But people might start to look at me funny. :)

ANYhow, so I trudge through my morning and get to work, and there are TWO little faces in the window to greet us. Gabby's cousing Tyler (who is 3 and SMART, which isn't always the easiest thing) was over because his mom went into labor. Damn her. Well, I supposed I don't want to be in labor YET... but the SECOND the baby is big enough to be healthy, I am READY FOR ACTION. I think Marnie (Tyler's mom) is overdue, though. She'd also been in labor since yesterday when I was at work. Yuck.

So I had three monkeys running around today at work.... phew. I've not been around a three year old boy much lately, so that was another little crash course. I actually had to EXPLAIN WHY I did EVERYTHING, and give him detailed answers to about 50 gazillion questions. Yeah. Can't wait for that. I will now cherish the times I can just throw a balloon in the air and say, "Hey! Look at that balloon!" and they are distracted and happy EVER so much more.

 

...cont'd

Randal's boat left Monday morning, so I haven't spoken to him since Sunday night. It was SO GOOD to see him before he left, though. I still can't believe he did that. Well, yes, I can. Randal's whole MO seems to be to just knock people over in wonder at how crazy/hardworking/crazy/devoted/loving/talented/crazy he is. But now, maybe people are seeing why I went from a complete dating hiatus to married in 4 months. I tell you one thing, though- from a wife, friend and mother standpoint, that guy had some awesome guidance and support growing up.

Linda (Randal's mom) might be as crazy as he is, or at least most of where he gets it. His whole family is awesome. Right after we got married, I even called her because I was concerned Randal was going to run himself into the ground and implode, but she assured me he's been like that since he was very young. She raised 5 kids by herself, though, so I can see where his astronomic level of energy for working like a machine comes from. Either way, they are both crazy. My newest goal in life is to make BOTH of them SIT and let me take care of THEM for a little while.

She (Linda) and Ray, I think, are taking 2-3 WEEKS off of work to come out when I have the baby, to help with Tobin and whatever, and staying just so I'll have some extra hands. Of course, it's going to be like Dueling Grandmas in my house with my mom, Linda, Grandma and Grammy around, but better to have SO much love around than any less. :) In any occasion, I know *full well* that this baby is going to come into an extrememly loving environment, and that means everything in the whole world to me.

The baby is developing perfectly- although I'm a tad underweight for 8 months. (33 weeks!) I FINALLY got my bloodwork done (Grandma took me, and did NOT flake, thankyouverymuch) and it was the least traumatic blood experiene I've ever had. *Phew.*  I'm still getting away with elastic band skirts, and some even in my regular size four. I HAAAATE maternity clothes- they are made for middle aged mormons, I swear, and I am NEITHER of those things.

 

...cont'd-  three entries long this time!

For those of you who keep asking, if (and when) it's a girl, we are going to name her Lily Grace Torske. We canNOT think of a boy's name, though! Maybe because it's not a reality to me that it could be another boy, but I will be JUST as happy if it is. We were thinking Neil for the middle name, which is Randal's middle name, but it's his dad's name and his dad is a rather nonimpressive individual to me, so I don't know. We kind of like Jakob and Joshua, but nothing really sticks. We'll wait and see- I got Tobin from Ghostbusters II, so you just never know when a name will pop out and be THE ONE. (Th Book of Tobin is kinda like the directory of Ghosties and Ghoulies in Ghostbusters, if you were wondering)

Anyhow- I'm going to get back to my DDGRs (Daily Domestic Goddess Rituals) now, whilst my hands have the time and energy. Maybe I can actually clean the house, now that I won't die of heatstroke if I move three inches. I hope you all are well, and staying out of the heat and the hurricanes!

quote for the day: "Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." Jane Howard

Happy Birthday, Porky!

First off- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PORK! It's my littlest sister's 17th birthday today. Thus begins the season where EVERYONE related to me has their babies, or gets married. Over half of my family will have a birthday or anniversary or SOMEthing in the next month. Boppa's birthday is the 28th of this month, Grammy's is.... crap, I forget. Soon, though. Dad's is the 1st of October, the 16th of October is Jack's (Tobin's cousin) 1st birthday (and Poppy Ken's), the 17th is Tobin's 2nd, and the 19th is Jenna's (Tobin's other cousin) 3rd. Grammy & Boppa's anniversary is in there too somewhere, I believe. I'm sure I forgot someone or something, but as you can see, there is plenty to remember. Soon, Randal and I will have our own addition to my family's mass of early fall birthdays! (I guess we just get cold in February!)

It's *FINALLY* not over 100 degrees today. I couldn't even type, it was so hot. I wanted NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING extra touching me. Sunday Amy, Sean and I took Tobin to the beach, which was fun. We took pictures, but I noticed the light meter on my camera is broken, so I hope they turn out okay! (One of my FAVORITE pictures EVER is the one at the top of this)

Poor Tobin is sick. Here was my first clue: Sunday night, in a room full of people, Tobin climbed into my lap on the couch, wanted the blanket on (It was still about thirty thousand degrees) and FELL ASLEEP in like 2 minutes. (Yes. He MUST be sick) I'm not sure if it's teething related or something else- I know he's having a rough time with those 2 year molars. He's been putting EVERYthing, especially his fingers, in his mouth. He had a fever, though, and he was saying last night that his legs hurt, which is exactly what Pork used to say when she was little and sick. This morning he said his belly hurt, too. Poor little guy.

I got him some Homeopathic (aka: Hippy) medicine at Whole Foods that helps fevers, aches and pains. It's called Oscillococcinum. (don't even ask me how to say that) It worked great, though. Tobin finally slept through the night. They make it for adults, too. It's just a little tube of really small sucrose-based pellets you let dissolve in your mouth. I really don't like to take or give medicine if I don't have to, but this kind works with your body's natural abilities to fight off infections, etc. itself, rather than just squashing the symptoms and not healing anything, like most regular medicine. But that's a whole other entry.

venting

I am incerdibly frustrated. For the last couple of days, over and over again, I have been told be this person or that that they were going to do one thing or another, and NONE of them have done ANY of it. I was supposed to get money for my truck from my friend Dan, who *assured* me that he would have it, and I haven't heard one word from. Friday morning, I was supposed to have Megan come with me to get my blood drawn (which I have GOT to get done, or they won't let me have the baby at The Birthing Center) and she also said she'd babysit for a little bit so I could get some stuff done, and I called her all day and she never answered OR called back.

Today, I spent all morning talking to Porky about how much she was upset and frustrated with Matt. I listened to whatever, and told her I'd take her birthday shopping and find whatever she needed to feel better. She said she's take a shower and call me back, so I set aside the rest of my day to do whatever she needed, and again, I never heard from her. THEN, I talked to Amy about an hour ago, and she said she was going to come over and hang out for awhile since we haven't in a long time, then I just got a phonecall from Sean saying that he's done driving, and they're not coming.

Doesn't ANYONE have any integrity, or do what they say they're going to?? My roommate told me three days ago that he was going to start giving me rent money the next day, and not only have I not seen anything from him, but when I bring it up, he leaves or avoids the subject entirely. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? It certainly doesn't bother me to be alone- and I don't neeeeeed the money from anyone, but what I could use is some honesty... it's really disheartening for me to have to look at the people around me and realize that there are very few of them, even within my own family that I can really trust. Pretty lame.

I'm sure half of this is exaggerated by pregnancy horomones, but at the same time, it's all true... *sigh*

Well, I'm going to watch 24 and go to bed. Maybe watching people get shot and all those adrenaline-infused situations will let off some steam for me. 24 is seriously the best series ever. I'm in the middle of the second season, and I can't... stop.... watching... must.. have.... 24...

Liars suck.

quote for the night: "As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.... " - Josh Billings

Hello!

Well, I've had a very busy couple of days, for sure. Wednesday afternoon, Randal showed up at work (See YAY HOORAAAAAAAYYY!!s below) and then Thursday, my old roommate Casey was in town for the first time in years, so she stopped by as well. (see picture) All these people out of nowhere!

We had a little shin-dig here thursday night so friends could stop by and everyone they both haven't seen in awhile could say their hellos. It was fun, although I was tiiiiiiired (suprise suprise) near the end. There is one nice difference between parties at my house now vs. parties in my apartment with Casey when we were living together. This time, everyone saw that I was getting sleepy and wanted to leave Randal and I some final time to ourselves, so they left pretty early. instead of me not knowing half the people seeping out of my doorways and having to call the police to get them out.

Those parties were SO MUCH FUN. We had 70's Disco themes, color themes, holidays.... ah, those were the days. GOSH DARN IT- I wrote all the rest of it, and it didn't save. Well, here I go again. Actually- I've got to run some errands while I have the time- darn darn darn. It was all so brilliant and insightful, too. WeI'll edit this entry tonight. Oooh, suspensful, eh? Aren't you excited? :)

quote until I edit this: "Confound these newfangled contraptions!" -every stereotypical grandparent there ever was

YAY HOORAY!! YAY HOORAAAAAY!Y!!!

YAY, HOORAAAAAAYYYY!!!!! (insert gigantorous smile here)  WhatEVER, you might ask, is all the hooraying for?

RANDAL IS IN MY (our) LIVING ROOM!!!!

Yep. I came out of Gabby's room at work today and almost cried. He was just there, standing in the doorway. I never even ventured to envision a scenario like that occuring, because it would break my heart when it didn't happen. What a little sneak! He's only here until 3:00am Friday, and his boat leaves Astoria for 6-8 weeks on Monday. But YAY HOORAY, YAY HOORAY, YAY HOORAY!!!!!

On that note, I am getting the DAMN hell off this computer, because this is the very very last 24 hours we have together before we have another little soul in our lives to care for. YAY HOORAAAAYYYYY!! Oh my happy goodness. Off I go. :)

quote for the day: "Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker

YAY HOORAAAAAYYY!!!

*ahh*

Well, I doubt Tobin is napping, since about 5 minutes ago, I could hear, "MMOOOOOMMMMYYYY!!" coming down the stairs. Still, he's up there and I'm down here, and he and he can just keep being up there until either he falls asleep or until I have 20 minutes to myself, whichever comes first.

But in my living room, I have music on, some candles lit and I've just been watching the fish. The (usually) two hours I have after I get off of work during Tobin's nap are essential to my well being. I wouldn't reccomend the combination of an overtired pregnant woman in her 8th month with an overtired teething 2 year old. Now that's just mean.

I'm eating cold leftover tortellini from last night. I tried these new Veggie Meatballs I found at Safeway, and they're pretty good. Tobin likes them, and they add a more savory (ooh, don't I sound like I know what I'm talking about?) flavor to it. Now you know I've been living with Randal. Well, sort of, anyhow. *sigh*

Yeah, yeah... so on to my daily parapgraph about how much it stinks to be away from him... actually, I'm making a care package to send to him I'm almost through with- I'm hoping to get it out tomorrow. I'd write down all the fun stuff that's in it, but I know that even if I wrote RANDAL, DO NOT READ THIS over it 10 times, SOMEone's sneaky eyes would "accidentally happen" across it, anyhow. That's okay. Now it's a suprize for ALL of you. (aren't you excited?)

Well, I'm not sure how long my "time off" (ha) is going to be today since Tobin's going crazy, so I'm going to get going and finish the dishes and putting *allll* the books away .(Tobin and I had about an hour and a half reading fest this morning in bed. It was great. It was also messy.)

quote for the day:

"However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts." Henry David Thoreau

Back to Tobin... he's learning to jump, eat with proper utensils, summersault and walk backwards. I learned something from all his new learning, too. That something is that it's not a very good idea to be walking forward while facing backward. You might trip over something, fall down, or end up going the complete opposite way you thought you were headed. He is learning the physical sense of these things, and I think I'm in a perpetual state of learning the metaphorical version. It's so great to have this little spirit around to remind me of all of life's simple lessons. Maybe I'll write all of them down and make a book someday. Maybe I already am. That makes you guys UberCool for reading it before I'm a thousandaire! (If you didn't get that, you need to go to the Strong Bad link to the left on this page and click on "Suntan". Just do it. Especially if you have a weird sense of humor like me)

Well, I'm going to get back to my domestic goddess duties and perform glamorous rituals, like folding laundry and scrubbing this morning's oatmeal from the Bob the Builder bowl. Ahh, life at it's finest. No, really. :)

quote of the day:

"The unique personality which is the real life in me, I can not gain unless I search for the real life, the spiritual quality, in others. I am myself spiritually dead unless I reach out to the fine quality dormant in others. For it is only with the god enthroned in the innermost shrine of the other, that the god hidden in me, will consent to appear."

 from The Ethical Philosophy of Life, by Felix Adler

Walking

Tobin is asleep (which seems to be the recurring beginning of my entries) and I just got out of the bath. *ahh* I smell GREAT, too since I got to use my Coconut Milk bath gel (mmm) and my new Eau D'Julie smell I bought the other day. Tobin and I started what he calls "music class" today, which is a class designed specifically for toddlers and babies to introduce them to different rhythms and tonal patterns, but is very simple, and very fun. He LOVES them- we started going when I had to take Gabby to them this summer, and Tobin and Ginger, the teacher, immediately hit it off. Old hippy ladies sure seem to like him. But again, as always, who doesn't?

He's developing so quickly, it's amazing. He's *almost* got jumping down- that two-feet-off-the-ground-at-the-same-time thing is pretty tricky. I can sympathize, with my ever enlarging belly. On that note- I'M 8 MONTHS PREGNANT as of yesterday. Being able to say that makes the end in sight SO much more bearable. Nov. 8th is the due date, and I'm really torn between wanting to be early so I can be DONE being pregnant (although it's really been a mild pregnancy, at least physically) and wanting to keep that baby in until his/her daddy can be there for both of us. Good thing it doesn't matter *one little smidgeon* what I would prefer. Well, sort of good, anyhow.

When I open the mirror cabinet by my sink, sometimes it still smells like him. He has coconut oil he uses in his hair (which he swears by) that's got about a 1/2 inch left in it that I have in there, too. I used a *little* bit the other day, and I couldn't handle it. I love love love the smell and the thought of him, but it was just too much for my poor little heart to keep smelling him like he was right next to me when in fact, he's still so far. *sigh*

Well, I'm going to try and run some damage control on the house before Little Mister Wrecking Ball wakes up. :) I hope you all are doing well, and staying out of this horrible hotness. (I even got swollen ankles for the first time yesterday- no THANK you!!)

quote of the day:  "There is no remedy for love, but to love more" -Henry David Thoreau

-Julie

PS: Randal makes Petty Officer tomorrow! That means getting a payraise, eligibility for another station, and getting his crows pinned. (ouch) Mostly good stuff, anyhow. :) If you want to say "Hooray for you!" just e-mail me, and I can give you his e-mail address, but I don't want to post it on here, just in case there's some loony toon on the internet that doesn't need to have it reading this. :)

Ahhhh

I just woke up from a 2 hour nap. *That* is something I wish I could say more often. I needed it today, though. By the time Tobin went down, I could barely keep my eyes open. He's been pretty good today, and even the past few days. Saturday, I had the ENTIRE day to myself (well, I took Tobin for a couple of hours, because Manny wanted to "rest" and get his haircut) Like he can't do that the OTHER 6 days of the weeks he doesn't have Tobin, but it's fiiiine by me since I missed Tobin anyhow, and I'm writing it ALLL down for whenever I need it in court. Heh heh heh. Sneaky, aren't I? :) I doubt any judge will be on his side if he can barely take Tobin on the SINGLE 24-hour day he has him a week.

I found a book faire yesterday downtown, which was awesome. I got a few books for me, for Tobin, for Tara (as soon as I'm done, they're comin' to you, girl!) and for Gabby. they had some SO cheap! It was also 104 degrees outside, which was NOT awesome. That was anti-awesome. I actually thought I might pass out for a minute or two there, but I migrated to the shade and drank some water like the old-hippy-bookseller-ladies made me do. Thank goodness for those people.

Tobin is still napping, and I think Erin is going to come over aftr she gets off of work today. Erin is Tara's little sister, but I've known her since high school. Well, I know her *from* high school- we've just barely started hanging out again. She's cool- I can tell she's related to Tara in some ways (like the way they both just LOVE LOVE LOVE Tobin. But then again, who doesn't? :) and then there are other things that just kind of make me raise my eyebrows and grin a little, but I think most people make me do that at one point or another, so it's all good.

I've had a pretty good couple of days- yesterday, I got a great parking spot JUST at the right time, and I got a pair of really cute red shoes and perfume (which I've been on the hunt for for awhile now) with a gift card I got from Macy's with $.27 to spare. Go, me! It's funny though, because after over an hour of sniffing around (I know all you guys are just LOVING the thought of hours at a perfume counter) the perfome I loved the most was the 'for her' version of the cologne Randal wears. (Acqua Di Gio by Armani, in case you're wondering) Now we can be all matchy-matchy. Gross.

...cont'd

...cont'd

I was pulling out of a parking spot within the first few times driving my newly crumpled vehicle, and still kind sensitive about it. I felt like people were going to just be STARING at the hideousness (it's not *that* bad) that used to be my pretty Rodeo and deeming me this horrible driver. (thank you, pregnancy horomones) Anyhow, this elderly lady (she looked about 80 or so) stopped her walking to let me out, which was kind enough. She was on the driver's side, so I was sure she was going to look at all the damage and make her judgements while either averting my eyes or giving me some negative look.

But you know, I'm not even sure she saw any damage at all. That little old lady was looking right into my eyes and smiling. Not looking at the car that was blocking her way, but looking directly at me, the person driving it, and smiling a smile that I could tell came from the inside out- not the one she'd been rehearsing for the cameras ever since they were invented. It made me smile.

It also made me think. How many people do I pass everyday thinking of them just as bodies I have to maneuver around, instead of seeing the people, the spirits, behind the bodies that made them where they are? And how many times have I acted in defensiveness because I wasn't comfortable with my life or situation, instead of allowing someone to make up their own mind, and give them benefit of the doubt?

I may seem like I'm reading a whole lot into a 10 second scenario, and maybe I am. But that lady put a fingerprint on my heart with her actions, and it's still there. So, maybe my sentimental 9/11 entry is encourage everyone else to think about the bodies around them and the people inside. Lots of those people are hurting, especially today, and I'm sure they all could probably really use and appreciate you taking the extra few seconds it takes to pause and leave them with a genuine smile, too.

Aww.

Quote for the day:

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." -Confucious

Take care :)

PS: New Strong Bad today- WOOHOO! 

Smiling

Hello again. :)

Tobin is actually sleeping! HOORAY! He fell asleep on the way home from work today, as he usually does, but hasn't been lately. It was HOT today (It's 3:30 and still almost 100 degrees. YUCK) And I (as usual) stripped the kids down (I don't think I ever leave them clothed, unless we're going in public, which is rare) and got them into the pool, and then into the sprinklers. Nothing will drain some munchkins like running around top speed in the sun and the water. I almost died of heat exhaustion, but it was well worth it, since I am officially done with my workweek, Tobin is sleeping, and I'm in my relatively cool home. *ahh*

So it's 9/11 today. I was pregnant when the planes hit the first time, and here I am again. I didn't even realize the date until I signed on the internet and got a zillion memorial popups. We don't have a tv or radio in the house, so my contact with the media and outside world are mostly of my own choosing, which I rarely do. I don't have anything enlightening or sentimental to say about it really, and the government can still shove off as far as I'm concerned. it's just too bad innocent people had to be killed so someone could get their attention. It's obvious creating life doesn't do much to get it, either. Asses.

BUT I'm going to be happy today, as my mood above states. Tobin was better today. (though still practicing the "no"s quite a bit. I have a feeling this is not the end of it, either. Hooray.) It's good to see him back on regular nap schedule, though Manny has him tonight, so I can rest assured it's going to be all crapped up by the time I get him back in the morning, anyhow. A mother's work is never done. Ever. Seriously.

Something happened a few days ago that I mentioned to Randal that is still with me, so I'm writing it down. As some of you may know, my car got crunched a few weeks ago to the point of being undrivable. The front end on the driver's side is all smushed in and the bumper is hanging off the front. Anyhow- so that's the precurser to this little anecdote.

...cont'd

GRR. I finished writing, and it didn't save, so I'm starting again. Man, today is crap.

ANYhow... Added to missing the birth is the fact that he would miss my entire labor. Though I am assured there will be many helping hearts and hands there for me, it leaves a dull ache to think that none may be his. He makes me feel like I can do anything, and having that feeling when I get sick and tired of being in pain would sure be nice. He is like my rock... my bottom line that no matter how far I go, I can always find him and find how to stand again. That line becomes visible REAL quick after 8 hours of labor or so. Oh well. If I have to deal with it, I just will.

I'm constantly torn about the Coast Guard, all political opinions aside. They pay Randal, our rent and our medical benefits, (even Tobin!) but sometimes I can't help feeling like I'd trade all of it in a minute to be struggling with bills and nitpicking about which end of the tube to squeeze toothpaste from. I think part of the reason he and I are together in the first place is that we've learned, through different and difficult ways, that there are just some things you've just got to grab with both hands and pray they never leave you. It's hard to grab something (or someone) and then have to keep saying goodbye, even if it's not forever.

Verdict of the hour- The Coast Guard can shove off. I miss Randal.

That leaves me with two quotes for the day:   

"Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they escaped teething." - Mark Twain   

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." -Helen Keller               (who my great grandmother met when she was in grade school. Pretty cool.)

(PS: There were SEVEN snakes under that tank!  *Shudder* Yuckyuckyuckyuckyuck. It was a big momma one that had hatchlings that probably died of heatstroke or couldn't get out. EEW. There were dead snakes in my living room. That is just not okay. Billy came over and CLEANED OFF the big one and took it home. Sick. As long as they're gone. Ew. Eww. EW.)

Hmm.

Today has been crap. Tobin is screaming upstairs as he has been for the past 15 minutes. He usually falls asleep on the way home from work, but I think he might be going insane. That is to say, teething. He's been crazy the last couple of days, which I attributed to him practicing for being 2, but I noticed his fingers in his mouth more than a few times and his forehead felt warm this morning, which leads me to think he is teething. (which I would definitely say is the toddler version of PMS. Hell.)

Gabby, the 2 1/2 year old I nanny for is also getting her 2-year-molars. That made work *extra* fun today, especially since it was raining outside, so I had to keep them both in the house all day. We made the best of it and painted in the bathtub, though. Amber (Gabby's mom) taped up a huge piece of paper on the wall and got paints out while I stripped them, and soon, they were happy. ish. Tobin doesn't exactly care for getting covered in anything but kisses. Gabby ignored the wall and immediately got to work on her legs. Either way, it passed some time and now I have (another) goopy mural to put up on the wall. The masterpiece of munchkin genius.

Randal just wrote me, and I haven't even written back yet, because I'm not through filtering my feelings on what he said. It made more of an impression than most of the crap I've had to deal with- hence the mood again at quiet, if only because I have no words to speak with. He said that his XO (the Executive Officer, which is the highest up on the boat) said that he has to wait to get here until the 15th. (of Novemeber) She (I *really* feel like it's a girl, though we're waiting to find out) is due the 8th, and I also really feel like she's going to be earlier than that.

So... I just don't know. I mean, it's not like I can change it, and not like there's no way it won't change itself, but it's just that the thoughts of an additional week and a half (he was supposed to be home the 4th, or when I go into labor) I have to wait to see him, and the fact that he could miss the birth of his first (and probably only) child are a little disheartening.

 

...cont'd, as usual

Oh! OH my. I forgot a *LOVELY* detail to the fish tanks. UGH UGH UGH, I almost, threw up, cried and peed my pants all at the same time. Whatever could it be, you ask? Well, there were no less than three dead snakes  in the smaller cabinet. And some other parts of something all up in there. Gross. I almost died. Seriously. I just SHUT that door, and I'm leaving for some guy that I will make clean it, since I am NEVER EVER EVER looking in there EVER again. Being a mom gives you a stomach for some pretty nasty and interesting things, but chiseling at drying out snake carcass in my living room is not one of them. I need Randal.

Speak of my love, he makes Petty Officer the 14th of this month. Woohoo! (I think) That's a payraise, and him being eligible for an Admiral's Cook job available in Alameda is what that is. It would be SO great and simple if he gets that job. If not, he has one waiting in DC for him... which would mean fighting Manny tooth and nail to be able to move there with Tobin (because there's no way in the existance of man that I am leaving my baby with him) or being alllll the way across the country from my husband, instead of 12 hours or so. Not that I'l be seeing much more or less of him than I do now, but that's the problem.

I'm finishing my sushi from Hiro's (where I used to work, and where I met Randal) -what's left of a Philly Roll with avocado on top (Philidelphia Roll is with smoked salmon and cream cheese) and a Rainbow Roll, which is a Califonia Roll (crab, cucumber and avocado) with assorted fresh fish on top. Mmm. It's weird- I coulnd *NOT* even smell Japanese food when I was pregnant with Tobin or I would have the worst nausea imaginable, but it's almost all I want with this one. Interesting.

Well, I've probably written too much again.... oh well. I'm going to rest for the remainder of my free time. Phew. In the meantime- here's my quote for the day:

"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." Harry S. Truman

take care,

Julie

Sleep. And fish. And stuff.

When they ask for a mood on these things, there isn't an option that says "REALLY REALLY TIRED" or I'd choose that one. So I went for quiet instead. Amy has Tobin for a couple of hours so I can set up the free fishtanks I got last night. I found them on www.craigslist.com which is an AWESOME website if you live around here. It's pretty much a virtual bulletin board for any and everything for people in this (or other) metropolitan area. I got a free 15 gallon and 60 gallon tanks, complete with stands (one pine and one oak cabinet) filters, heaters and lights. Awesome.

It would be more awesome if my stinkin' roommate would come home like he said he was going to and help me move the big one in here, but I guess a break is good, even though I can't seem to really unwind and rest when the house is chaos. Oh well. I'd try and be stubborn and do it myself (meaning I already did) but I canNOT life that sucker alone. I want to go into labor early, but not THIS early.

Tobin is ever practicing his "no"s... like I was telling Linda (Randal's mom) it doesn't seem that he says no because that's what he means- it feels more like he's just saying it because he knows it's a strong answer that usually gets a reaction. So, of course, Itry not to give him one, but after the 20th time or so, even I start to lose my nun-esque patience. It is going to be interesting with 2-year-old-Tobin and a new baby.

I took him to the fish store today with me to see what I needed to do about these aquariums, and he had SO much fun crawling in and out of the cabinets on display under all the various tanks. That was okay, only I lost him like 5 times because he kept disappearing into them. I think he's really enjoy our tanks once we get them set up, though. We got a new Baby Einstein move (his "water movie") called Baby Neptune and it's ALLL about water. (which is LOVES, anyhow) It has a whole section where it's just an aquarium with different fish with music in the background. Even I like that, but now we'll have an even better version in our living room. If Jobbi ever gets home to help me clean and move it, that is.

... cont'd from first entry, since they said I wrote too much...

Speaking of happiest I've ever been, Tobin is so amazing. I'm sure at least half of me entries will be solely Tobin-ness, although I don't really have too much of a space for me to just let off steam, especially since Randal's gone and Tara just moved to Utah. Luckily, Genery still lives within driving distance, though I can't say we have frequent communication- just another thing to add to my list of things I should be doing. Damn! I have to do my stinkin' thank you notes. I am a horrible, horrible person.

Well, it's already 10 (my goodness, I'm 23 and 10:00pm is late. Special.) and I've got Tobin bright and early in the morning, so I'm going to head off for bed. Actually, I think I'm going to lay on the couch and try and watch an episode of '24' because I rented them from Blockbuster and they are so good. When I was pregnant with Tobin, it was allll about NYPD Blue. 24 is pretty damn good, though. Seriously. You should watch it. And so should I.

Quote of the day: "If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." - Buddha

welcome to my life,

Julie

Well, hello

Well, here is my first entry. It's Thursday night and I'm Tobin-less, so I actually have a little bit of free time. There seem to be so many people I feel I should be writing to, so many people constantly asking about Tobin and the pregnancy, that I felt it would be really easy to just start writing here and let those who care check when they will. So... here I am.

I also thought it would be a good idea for me, personally, to have a place to record all of the craziness in my life that's happening- I can't imagine what it would say if I'd started writing 6 months or a year ago. It's amazing the turns life can take- I certainly would have never imagined I'd be married and pregnant if you'd have asked me where I'd be in a year last year at this time. But, again, here I am.

   Randal left again last Friday... this time was a bit harder on me- maybe because of pregnancy horomones, maybe because I was tired, and maybe because I just can't get used to dropping the love of my life off at an airport so he can go live in another state while I stay home and carry his baby. Probably all three.

It's not that bad, overall... I mean, it's awful to be apart from him, especially when we've only just begun to settle into being together and discovering all of the nooks and crannies (mmm, english muffins) of each other. But then, he left four days after we got married, so I guess we've never really settled into anything but this off-and-on seeing each other.

I think about him and our relationship (as I can't help but doing when he's here, and especially when he's not) and it just amazes me how everything happened, and is happening. I had just finished this book called The Celestine Prophecy that Tara reccomended to me right before all of this (marriage, pregnancy, life) happened and it was kind of a... I don't know. It definitely gave me a swift kick in the "just let things happen" mindset, which led me to where I am, which is actually the happiest I can remember being, all things included.

 

... cont'd in next entry...