GRR. I finished writing, and it didn't save, so I'm starting again. Man, today is crap.
ANYhow... Added to missing the birth is the fact that he would miss my entire labor. Though I am assured there will be many helping hearts and hands there for me, it leaves a dull ache to think that none may be his. He makes me feel like I can do anything, and having that feeling when I get sick and tired of being in pain would sure be nice. He is like my rock... my bottom line that no matter how far I go, I can always find him and find how to stand again. That line becomes visible REAL quick after 8 hours of labor or so. Oh well. If I have to deal with it, I just will.
I'm constantly torn about the Coast Guard, all political opinions aside. They pay Randal, our rent and our medical benefits, (even Tobin!) but sometimes I can't help feeling like I'd trade all of it in a minute to be struggling with bills and nitpicking about which end of the tube to squeeze toothpaste from. I think part of the reason he and I are together in the first place is that we've learned, through different and difficult ways, that there are just some things you've just got to grab with both hands and pray they never leave you. It's hard to grab something (or someone) and then have to keep saying goodbye, even if it's not forever.
Verdict of the hour- The Coast Guard can shove off. I miss Randal.
That leaves me with two quotes for the day:
"Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they escaped teething." - Mark Twain
"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." -Helen Keller (who my great grandmother met when she was in grade school. Pretty cool.)
(PS: There were SEVEN snakes under that tank! *Shudder* Yuckyuckyuckyuckyuck. It was a big momma one that had hatchlings that probably died of heatstroke or couldn't get out. EEW. There were dead snakes in my living room. That is just not okay. Billy came over and CLEANED OFF the big one and took it home. Sick. As long as they're gone. Ew. Eww. EW.)
2 comments:
I can't begin to tell everyone that missing the birth of my first and probably only child is going to be tough. Especially knowing what that kind of feels like already, only a couple years ago. Being out here and then back there is a constent battle of readjusting. We always mange though. My quote "I miss the Sun, but the stars are so beautiful"
Hi, I am enjoying all of your journal writing and I'm sorry Randal might miss the actual birth and arrival of the new addition to your wonderful family (a girl since you are pretty sure of that!) AND my new grandbaby (granddaughter, again since you are pretty sure of that). We can assure him that we will have her (or him, at least a possibility no doubt) wrapped for him to hold and JUST as soon as he can get there!
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