...cont'd

Even moreover, the blinky lights are on HUMMERS. Woo. Now what boy wouldn't want boots with blinky light hummers? Tobin was jumping around and stomping and then trying to stop really quickly and look at his shoes and kept falling over- it was SO funny.  I'll try and take some pictures at least of the shoes so you too can witness the coolness.

So we're walking around the mall (it's excersize. It's indoor. There are twinkly Christmas lights for the kids to be entertained by, and more people watching than I could ever want) and I think Randal's coming home. Maybe I'll venture into Victoria's Secret and see if they have anything cool. Okay. Yeah. Mistake #1. Let me just TELL you all the reasons why a woman with a newborn (and a two year old!) should never go into Victoria's Secret. Here goes, in no paticular order:

1) The salespeople are SCARY. Within the first few feet, I am doused with perfume and shimmer lotion ("it's seasonal! it's happy! You'll LOVE it, we promise!") and Tobin is handed two little stupid stuffed dogs- "Only $15 with a $75 purchase!" Yeah THANKS, chicky. If only I could really shoot daggers out of my eyes.

2) Other Shoppers and Salespeople. EVERYone was looking at me funny. Either that "Don't you know that after you have kids, you are granted the ease of looking haggard all the time, and you never have to be sexy again?" one with the eyebrows raised to the tips of their forehead and eyes wide with confusion, or "You're thinking of lingerie and you had a baby HOW long ago?? I hate you. Hate hate hate!" with the eyes in little slits, eyebrows furrowed and pointing sharply down in the middle.

I brush them off, contented in their jealousy at my skinniness and beautiful boys. I pick out some things, and head toward the dressing room.

3) The Pregnancy Clause. Now, let me just begin to tell you that NO ONE- *no one* should be put in front of a mirror in teeny clothing having had a child within the last month. Not even the skinny ones. It was horrible. Displayed before me was the ghastly horror of all the new lumps, bags and bumps pregnancy had bestowed upon me. Brave, brave (stupidly confident?) person that I was to try in the first place, I am now scarred for life and I'm not sure I will ever look at those cute little undies the same again.