...cont'd

there are some pictures from wednesday night here- Genery, (isn't she cute?) the five of us (from left, Thomas, Dan, Gen, Avery & I) me, about to fetch more wine and us singing.

It was so good, though, to be in that space again, and making music just for the fun of it. Sometimes I forget what a huge part of me music -and the making of it- is for me. I have so many other things going on a daily basis that it kind of takes the backburner, if it makes the stove at all. (now there's chef's wife lingo for you) Grammy knows and reminds me of it as often as she thinks won't irritate me, bless her. I spent a lot of my life being afraid to sing where anyone could hear me. I still can hardly sing to more than my kids, but at least I'm mostly over my complete fear of being heard.

I wonder why that is... being afraid that someone might hear me. I suppose it's selfish, really. I have an ear trained to hear any pitch variations, which there are bound to be in any song sung live, since no one is perfect. But I hold myself to the highest standard, and didn't want anyone to hear me do it less than what I imagined it should be. I was more focused on being perfect than on the joy it gives me (and others) to simply be singing in the first place. What a lamewad.

So... wednesday night was awesome. It was one of the most happy, laid back times I've had in a loooong time. (aside from when I'm with Randal, but that's different than being with my high school choir nerd friends :) But also on Wednesday, I was changing Aiden's diaper and was aghast at what his skin looked like underneath it. It was all weepy, screaming red and blistered. I immediately called The Birthing Center, and they said to just take him to the emergency room, since no one was going to be Thanksgiving. Poo.

So, Thanksgiving morning, Genery and I head to the Urgent Care facility at Sutter. Strangely enough, there were two people I knew from high school there as well. We didn't do much visiting, though, since they were there because apparently one of their mothers tried to commit suicide. (happy thanksgiving- yeesh!) But the doctor looked at it for about 10 seconds and said, "looks like a fungal infection. Put this stuff on it, and if it doesn't work, come back"