:(

I have been staring at the keys for a few minutes now.. a few moments ago, my head was rushing with thoughts/feelings/ideas/questions/concerns and the only thing I know to do when I have such mental and emotional upheaval is to pour it into paper (or screen. it loses something, but it's so much faster!) and now I sit and my mind is nearing numb.

There has been such an upswing in my life in the amount of wonderful instances, that it can only be evened out by weight so grounding there is no way my head will float away in all these silver lined clouds. In the past week, I have learned that two people that are SO close to me have life threatening/compromising medical problems. My Grammy has been "disabled" (for lack of a better term) due to surgery (& ensuing complications) on her back, neck AND foot. She is hard pressed to do most everything, and Boppa (these are my dad's parents here, if you're not hip to the "Grammy & Boppa" thing, btw) has been taking care of near everything for a few months now.

Until last night, when he thought he was having some indegestion and went into the hospital to find out today that he needs triple bypass surgery. These two people are like gold to me, as well as to each other. I have always been fairly intuitive, if you will- very attuned to the feelings of others- and when I think about how I feel and how they must feel for themselves and each other, it causes me to sit and stare at the keys, speechless.

On top of this, I learned last week that Kira, one of my closest friends, has Lymphoma. She's had a tumor growing to the size of a hand growing rather quickly from her shoulder towards her throat. She's been sick for quite awhile now, sleepless with itchy rashes at night with an ever-incresing neck lump- it's good to now know what is causing it so that it can be treated, but unfortunately, most treatments for advancing stages of cancer are paticularly terrible- namley chemo, which I'm sure you're familiar with. We find out this week which forms and how much of treatment she will need. To top off her plate, she is struggling with insurance and is also unable to work or collect unemployment due to her illness. I feel so awful.

So, the reason I chose to write here instead of in my own journal I have at home is because I truly believe in the power of people, and the power of prayer. I don't know how many people actually read this (although there are over 4,000 hits onthis site!) but who and wherever you are, you can help. If you pray, if/however you commune with whatever higher power you feel there is, (and if you don't, I'd normally say talk to Boppa, but he's a bit indisposed. Take one for the team here and just assume for a while, until he can get back to you) please take some time and energy right now and again when it crosses your mind to focus your thoughts/prayers/energy/good vibes/etc on healing my friends and giving them (and the people who love them SO much) what it takes to get through all of this insanity.

I feel like there is a sinking stone amidst the whirlwaters in my mind, landing heavy in my stomach to wait for what will happen, what is beyond my power. It is also times like these I feel especially motivated to learn all I can about Holistic Healing, which is the field I feel really called to. Part of the wonderfulness coming my way is that I get to go back to school after Randal comes home and finish my education, now that I have some damn direction. (okay, so kids are a little sidetracking.... :)  

Hopefully what comes out of this is a lot of family support and strengthened friendships, as well as stronger awarenesses of our own mortality and the importance of friends and they love they bring to our everyday lives... and the vacancy we'd fill if they didn't. I'm thankful for my own health and that of my children, although Aiden is fighting a head/chest cold that Tobin has already moved through, so my nights have been riddled with cold little feet in my sheets and every other hour awakenings by poor little congested chest spasms. My days have been filled with tissues, cough syrup (homeopathic & honey based :) tea and reading Stella Luna, The Hungry Catepillar and The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes- one of my favorite Easter books as a child.

The boys are up now and needing dinner, as well as more medicine and attention... I will leave updates as they come... for now, please keep all three of my loved ones in your prayers until we know more. I hope all of you are in good health & spirits, as I am trying to be. :)

quote(s) for the day: "Know that although in the eternal scheme of things you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your fellow humans everywhere in the world." Margaret Laurence

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." Scott Peck