boohoo.

Whoa. SO... in addition to the cold I got last time I wrote, I also have a cough, and Aiden and I BOTH are re-infected with Candida, which is the yeast-thing we had a couple of weeks ago. Ugh. I am SO tired right now, but I know I haven't written anything worth reading in awhile, so I figured I would try.

I just got Tobin down, and I am currently breastfeeding Aiden while I'm typing. It occured to me today that I've never seen and overweight mother of just boys. I WONDER WHY. Yeesh.

Randal was here for about two days, which was nice. When he was out last time, I think the saltwater was getting to his head, and he was lonely, and he wrote me this e-mail that made me so incredibly sad. The second the kids were in bed the night he got here, he were just standing, holding each other, and I couldn't help crying thinking about it. And then, I held his face in my hands and looked him right in the eye while I was crying and told him that I loved him, and that he never, ever had to think like that again. That was the first time I can remember ever voluntarily looking at someone while I was crying, and I felt SO much better afterwards.

For as long as I can remember, I've had a complex about people seeing me cry, as well as just crying in general. Maybe I didn't want people to think I'm weak or something, though I'm fully aware everyone cries and it's healthy. I just don't know, but I bet 95% of you haven't seen me really cry. Man, I haven't even seen me really cry. But I did, in front of Randal. All sticky with mascara and my red nose running, snuffling, low sobs- the really GOOD stuff, you know? I don't think you can really love someone until they smear boogers on you, and you don't care. You know, like how Tobin does to me everday. :)

But he's gone again. I dropped him off at the boat- SHIP! Ship ship ship. Someday, I'll get it. Ship. So I dropped him off at 7:45, and it was again, harder and easier. I felt like it was so good for me to cry in front of him, and it did nothing but bring us closer... and then he left. Again.

He gets a promotion in the middle of March, which is cool in a number of ways, but primarily that he'll be eligible to change stations. WA.HOO. Well, really only if he's closer to here, or we can, you know, live in the same state. Same state would be a step, at least!