First of all, this is my journal. It is the place I can write down how I feel honestly, and provide other people who are far away or not so involved in our everyday lives the inside scoop on our everyday situations. What we are going through now is so painful... so detailed and deep that nothing I can say here in a few paragraphs can make you clearly understand, especially since I am just beginning to myself. I will try and write as much as possible both for my own sake and so as to keep you all informed as well.
I need the freedom to write what I feel here. I have that freedom. I welcome your comments, but please bear in mind that I hardly know what's going on in my life right now, and it's impossible for me to formulate the perfect words to truely convey the heart of my thoughts and feelings, and even more impossible for me to find avenues to express myself through that won't offend anyone. This is a time of huge growth and change for everyone involved, and these here are just my thoughts on it.
On that note, there is something I have to clear up regarding my last entry. I do NOT think Randal is a machine, and the sentence directly after I even introduced the word in my entry says so. I even likened him to my own father directly afterward, and they are two of the most dear people to me in the world. I used machine as a metaphor because Randal moves like one... steady, proficient, and never ceasing to fulfill his duty. When functioning properly, the military functions like a well-oiled machine as well. Machines also have the on/off ability, which compares to how I perceive Randal's words towards me. The day after we had the conversation that started this all, every bit of our conversations that were personal, small talk or feeling-oriented were dropped. Just gone. Off. Of COURSE, of course the way we relate to each other has changed- our entire worlds have. That metaphor is only a picture of how the changes feel to me.
Most importantly, the kids are doing well (Aiden has his first two teeth coming in!) and Tobin is, of course, as smart and beautiful as ever. I will post pictures up here as soon as I can. Randal and I talk almost everyday, and are trying to weed through this and make the best decisions we can together. Your continued support on both sides of this is appreciated.
1 comment:
Hi Julie,
I guess I don't feel judgments are qualified at this time. When my mom was struggling with her battle with cancer I asked her if she had any regrets; anything she would change if she could. I loved her answer and it gives me peace about much of my past. She said, “You know Annie, I did the very best I could at the time with the amount of wisdom the good Lord gave me.”
Julie, you will always be so precious to me and I love you so much.
God Bless Those Blessings in Disguise;
God speaks to us through toilet paper on shoes, runs in stockings, and life’s humiliating experiences that keep us laughing at ourselves along the way.
God speaks to us through long lines, traffic jams and all the annoying little conveniences that make us slow down and take a deep breath.
God speaks to us through flat tires, bounced checks, broken appliances and all the little “last straws” that make us say, “I give up!” so He can finally take over.
Hold on tight- God is up to something wonderful for you.
Oh, and Julie! Happy Birthday on Thursday!!
Love,
Annie B.
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