Now that I'm done with my heaving sobs, I guess I'll whine to you guys. I just got an e-mail from Randal saying he's not coming home until December, and then it's two weeks until he goes back out again. Both Manny and the Coast Guard seem to be set in making sure no matter what happens, I remain a single mother. I DID NOT GET MARRIED TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER. I am so dissapointed and sad. I have a pinched nerve in my back so I can hardly walk, my stomach is huge and cumbersome, Tobin is sick and freaking out because he's 2 and he can sense the baby coming, Manny's decided that no matter what, he's not letting Tobin move away, and now Randal isn't even going to be around for ths first MONTH of the baby's life, let alone be there for my labor and his/her birth. Wonderful.
Tobin turned 2 yesterday. We didn't do anything too exciting- we're having a family party for him on the 25th with his cousins, which should be fun. If my phone wasn't being retarded and not letting my upload pictures, I would post one of his new playroom that has been my project the past two weeks. He LOVES it. Too bad he's going crazy. I have a feeling these next couple of months are going to be... interesting. Full.... very full.
I have a great history of keeping my chin up, and this will be no different. I just wish I had any of my life settled. I'm just waiting.... waiting for the baby to come, waiting to hear Randal's voice and see him again, waiting to hear where I'll be living, and for the fight in court it's going to take to get there... I just feel so drained at the prospect of all of it. I know it will be fine, and it will work out and blah blah blah, but man- it really, really sucks from here.
quote for the day: "For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out." James Baldwin
1 comment:
I am sorry your beginning adventures with the Coast Guard (notice I deleted the descriptive adjetives) are not turning out as wonderful as they could... Randal is undoubtedly keeping extremely busy so that he is not missing you as much as he is letting on.... Hang in there Kiddo, we are still coming out to spent some time with you, Tobin and any other family members that will present themselves during our stay... We miss all you guys and will be there in about two weeks....
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