So all of this, and I forgot to mention that Randal came. His mom and sisters did too, but our paths never crossed. It was... I don't know. Akward, for sure. We've been apart for months on end before, but always, always at the end was the long hug and the happy tears and time to look forward to afterwards.

This time, I opened the door with Aiden on my hip and we all just stood there, staring. Randal couldn't take his eyes off of Aiden, and I couldn't take my eyes off of Randal. We said our hellos, and I proceeded to try to associate the two of them and disassociate myself from all of the habits and words I felt tumbling forward inside me. They spent some good time together, and Randal and I hugged once before he left for good. I know from the knot I felt in me then and the one I feel now that there isn't any closure for me... I feel the repercussions of my past choices in who to associate with and trust so deeply these days. It's something I talk about almost every week with my therapist. It's really, really difficult.

There is something else weighing on my heart, aside from all of the obvious possibilities. I've found and lost yet another love... someone incredibly sexy, talented and poetic. (not to mention rich!) No, I am not talking about Randal. :) It's Robert Plant, and there is forever a pit in my stomach from the fact that he's not 25 anymore. WHY universe, oh WHY?!?

Even my teachers in high school said I belonged in the 70s. The mindframe, music and mojo from 65-75 are my favorite and he was there and rockin' it and I was NOWHERE! I can't BELIEVE there was a time where there was a hotel you could simply walk into and party like rockstars with rockstars. Hel-LO? Was I a procrastinator even pre-life? Ahhh, what a cozy womb. I can't wait to get out, stretch my limbs and revel in love, peace and hippy grease. +Whoa! Here comes the light!  I hear music! Ahhh, rock revolution, here I come. Wait a minute. Those are synthentic drums! I smell Aquanet. Is that nurse wearing blue eye makeup? Nnnnnnnooooooooo!! I knew I should have left earlier... put me back IN, damn you!!

Alas and alack, here I am and there Robert Plant is, all 50whatever years of him. *le sigh* So what does a girl do in the face all these bills, no money, no companion and the reality of never having of the possiblity of wooing herself backstage at a Led Zeppelinconcert? Well I have grandparents to help hold off the first part(thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou) and kids to occupy me enough of the time so that it only hurts a little when I hear D'yer Ma'ker.

They are both doing well, and behaving as I've always been told brothers do. Tobin is doing incredibly well with potty training, and Aiden is climbing up everything he can (barely) reach. He can also skateboard as far as someone will push him, even down a driveway, without losing his balance. I tried ollying (uh, essentially jumping with the skateboard) about 100 times the other day and did it about as high as a Ritz cracker exactly three times. I hurt every muscle in my body, but Tobin said, "UHHH, Mommy!!!" (which is a good thing) and made it all worthwhile.

I just loaded some new pictures onto the computer, so I'll get them up as soon as possible. For now, I've got to get them up from their nap, as it's already part when I'd like them to be up. Ah well. Small sacrifices, I guess. I'll try and keep you guys updated here when I have the time and energy. I hope you all are well.

HAPPY BELATED EARTH DAY! :)

quote for the day: "Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow." Thornton Wilder