Whew. There is SO MUCH going on right now! At least one member of my family (except me! :*(  Boohoo.) has been with my grandparents since the last entry, helping out around the house and with whatever other odds and ends they might need help with. Boppa seems to be recovering wonderfully and the doctors say the operation added another 15-20 years to his life, which is also wonderful. Grammy's OTHER kne has started hurting, possibly as a complication due to her lack of ability to put too much pressure on her first knee... poor lady! She's got a remarkable attitude, though. She's always told when in rough times to remember, "this too, will pass..." which helps in most situations. Unfortunately, pain doesn't pass until you figure out where it's coming from & why then fix it, but hopefully that's coming. She's trying acupuncture, which I've heard AWESOME things about. Of course, I'm always interested in alternative healing methods, which is why I want to continue my education in Holistic/Naturopathic medicine. I haven't landed on one specific methods that feels best to me- I have a feeling it's going to be a lot like shopping for jeans... you just have to start trying them on to see which on fits what I have going on the best!

Another thing fueling my desire to learn how to heal is that Kira is really, really ill. She's finally getting through the paperwork for insurance, but it seeing 4 or 5 different people and taking as many medications. She had a fever of almost 104 last week and was t in and pumped full of radiation so they could look at her heart. It was then they found out that she's got Hodgkin's Lymphoma. (as opposed to non-Hodgkin's) She's got a lot of work cut out for her... it's so hard to watch someone so vivacious and lovely turn into someone so pale and weak. We went from seeing each other at the least every other day to her returning my phonecalls maybe once a week because she is so exhausted and out of it. My heart hurts so much for her... it's like Aiden's Going On A Bear Hunt book, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it.... oh. no! We have to go through it!"  .... yuck.

On the lighter side of things, I got to spend time with *two* of my girlfriends who live in Sacramento this weekend. Casey, (www.caseysuedesigns.com) who I model for quarterly, and Tara, who just *FINALLY* returned from Utah with her fiance (and my other very good friend/ex-roommate)Jorge and their 6 month old, Jayden. Tara had her own share of extreme difficulty last year which lead her to recover and nurture her pregnancy with family in Utah. They just arrived in Sac last week- it was SO GOOD to see them! Jayden also has THE BEST CHEEKS EVER. Oh man. I must have kissed them a thousand times! :)

Of course, with each up there is a down, and as one friend finally returns from another state, I have another leaving. My friend (and also friend to both of my sisters and family) Ryan is taking off for Portland in a week. Boohoo!! Ryan is someone that has always been there for me to help with the kids or myself, who worked with me at Gottschalks and has been SO fun to hang out with for the past few years. We had a going away slumber party (this is where I should mention he's gay...;) and morning mimosas over the weekend (see pic above) and I'll probably see him once more before he goes, which is totally bittersweet because I'm happy he's got his life together and is following his desires, but I'm going to MISS that boy!

As for my own boys, they are doing wonderfully... Tobin is a wonderful student in school- each day I pick him up, I am always hearing about how well he uses his words in conflict management, and how perceptive he is in reading the other kids' emotions. Of course, I already know these things since I figured out that he's an Indigo, (www.indigochild.com) but it's nice to hear them reinforced. In fact, the teacher has told me she has NEVER seen a four year old as mature and collected in terms of his conflict management skills as Tobin. That's my boy!

Aiden is still skating up a storm- as weather permits, anyhow! We had a spell (and a new record!) of 43 days of rain (take THAT, Noah!) this last month or so which was SO LAME. The boys were fighting ALL the time in our tiny apartment with no outside time. I'm sure teachers and other parents were going nuts, too. Then finally- *FINALLY* last week, we had some sun. HALLELUJAH!! ... except that when I went directly to the pool with the boys to soak up the sun & run off some energy, I did a bit too much of the former and they did too much of the latter and I ended up carrying exhausted little boys back up the apartment stairs with a completely scorched front half. Damn.

I have taken Aiden out of his Waldorf school since I am finally home enough to be able to teach and spend time with him myself. The school is SO great, but is expensive for a two year old who doesn't necessarily need to be in school yet. He'll likely return in the fall, when I am planning to return to school as well. He is using his words really well now, too! About half of his sentences are complete gibberish, but you can usually make out the words "skateboard" and "kickflip" or "boardslide" in there somewhere. He thinks the word is "scapeboard", so he's always saying, "Mommy, I nee-a scape ousside!!" ... and that, he does.

Randal is due to come home at the end of next month, possible on the same day as my next runway show on May 19th. That would definitely be a surreal way to see him again for the first time! Regardless of what happens where, I know it will be a memorable occasion. He has one more patrol and then (after a year and a half) he's *THROUGH* in Iraq. I can't wait!

As for me... I'm doing well and finding it enough to fill my days simply trying to keep my kids' and friends' health and schedules straight. I am enjoying every minute of time I get to spend with each of them, knowing this too, will pass.I am filled with so much love, it's amazing. The depth of connection I feel to my friends and family these days in unparalleled for me. I feel like I'm finally headed down the right track for myself and my life, with possibilities and learning experiences around each crazy turn that seems to come my way.

Well, I have to walk with Aiden to the store and run about ten errands today before Tobin is out of school, so I better get going. I hope you all are well- don't forget to drop a not or comment and say hello! I love hearing from you guys, too.

take care...

quote for the day: "When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." Henri Nouwen