February Funness

As promised, here are more pictures. :) Gabby's 6th birthday party was this weekend at at MyGym, a gym for children 8 & under- PERFECT for  little kids in the rain that you can probably see out the windows. They had SO much fun & Randal made a GabbySaurus cake, which of course, everyone loved. Except Tobin, who wouldn't eat a dinosaur cake because he's a vegetarian. There's also a picture of a DinoCake that I made, only it's an uber pancake made from a mold-doodle-thing that my mom got the kids for xmas. It says it works with eggs- which is a complete and utter lie- but I finally mastered it with pancakes and now you all can see its glory. Okay, so it's nothing like Randal's, but nothing ever is, so why try? :)

There are also pictures from the gathering after the kid-festivities at Amber & Gabby's- Aiden made friends with their two french bulldogs, Ziggy & Petal, as well as a little girl named Keiko who is SO cute, as you can see. We found out that she's a model for Pottery Barn Kids, Gap and Children's Place or something else, too. They potty trained Gab's Cabbage Patch Kid- good thing, because otherwise  she would have been NO fun to sleep next to.

Randal is enjoying work very much- it is SUCH a blessing for all of us for him to have a job where his skills are so appreciated, especially since it's only 15-20 minutes away, as opposed to the base, which is  90-120+ minutes away, depending on traffic, weather and idiots on the road, which there are plenty of between here and there. We'll be moving in June to a bigger house with easier access to the freeway, and possibly a town or two South to shorten his commute even more. We trust the right place will come at the right time, although moving with a 2 month old should be interesting. It will be too bad to move from the close walking distance it is to both my mom's & grandma's houses, though. That is something really special. However, Randal's commute is not special at ALL and he commutes a lot more often than we walk, so move we shall. Poo. I have to use this jacuzzi tub while I can!

Oooh, speaking of which- I wish I could have Annika in that wonderful, huge tub, but it costs $3500 to have a midwife come to your house! Criminy. I really just don't love hosptials at all and it seems completely backwards in about a hundred ways to me to make childbirth standardized and medicalized, but at the current asking price, I have to be sensible and try to have a natural, normal birth in a completely unnatural, abnormal place. I'm just going to grab my ipod, some lavender oil, dark chocolate & raspberry leaf tea and hope for the best... but I am NOT wearing one of those butt-flap gowns, I don't care what they say!

Well, speaking of all of that, I have to get to the base with the boys to get a doctor to tell me I'm healthy and can write me a slip so I can see an OB (who actually has a midwife, which is excellent) so I can give birth for free in their stinkin' medical facility. Man. She better not come early! I'll be 37 weeks, which is considered full term, especially if you've had a child (or two) before. I'm not due until March 23rd, which is Amber's birthday, so she is under strict orders not to come out on ANY other day, though, like Aiden, I feel like she'll be a bit earlier. We'll see...

Whew. Okay. I better get going. I hope you all are well- do you like Annika Rose or Annika Jane or Annika something else? Feel free to comment....

oh-, and yes, for the record, I am STILL puking. Oh yes. The saga continues.

quote for the day: "The truth for women living in a modern world is that they must take increasing responsibility for the skills they bring into birth if they want their birth to be natural. Making choices of where and with whom to birth is not the same as bringing knowledge and skills into your birth regardless of where and with whom you birth."<?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O /> Common Knowledge Trust

the homestretch

There it is, in all its rounded glory. I'm 8 months along- that's 34 weeks as of tomorrow. So close, yet so far, dammit. Amber took this picture when we had a playdate with the kids this weekend, which was wondeful. You can see the glory of the maternity jeans (which I have finally resigned to- although I *did* put on my size 6 stretch-cords the other day and was fine.... muahahaha!) But all considered, I'd rather just be rockin' the sweats, especially on rainy days like this. It's been absolutely gorgeous lately- clear and cool, one of my favorite combinations. Cloudy and rainy is necessary at time, too, I suppose. I never seem to find time to write when it's sunny out- I can't imagine why! :) I used to have a hard time staying in school (especially once I got my license!) when it was sunny out, too. Carpe diem, I say! ...as long as you take care of your responsibilities first.  That whole latter part took a bit longer to sink in, but that's what being a teenager is good for, right? :)

Today, the kids and I are taking it slow- Tobin is on his last placement tests (hooray!!) in homeschool and doing amazingly well. We've been working with flashcards about time and money, in a workbook for addition and subtraction and reading books like Cat in the Hat (of which I have a 1957 first edition copy in excellent condition- thank you, Me-Ma! :) and My Father's Dragon, which he LOVES. They are both very into dragons and dinosaurs and play games for hours (SOMEtimes, but they really do play long and well, when they do...) involving, "Pretend that I was an invisible comet dragon -but you didn't know I was invisible- and then you touched the comet and an invisible dragon came out and you said "Wow!", but not yet because we're ot playing yet and then I shot you with flames, but you had a magical cloak on to protect you and it was invisible- but I didn't know it was invisible- but you did and you put it on and..." ohhhhh, my. I'm glad they have each other, because after about the 20th instruction, I'm not sure if I'm the magical healing fairy of love (naturally) or a wolf-mother battling to save my son from the evil invisible (but I didn't know it was invisible) snow ninja. Hey, at least they're creative!

Randal has started his new job at Kendall-Jackson, which he LOVES and I love for him. His first day, he cooked 100 Maine lobster with guidance from the former seafood chef from the French Laundry. He & the rest of the chefs taste everything before it goes out, meaning Randal gets mouthfuls of amazing goodness throughout his entire workday, as well as wine to wash it down with- it IS aplenty at a winery, of course. It's actually a great work ethic, since the entire kitchen if filled with people at Randal's pace, who love the entire preparation process & presentation of food and who work tirelessly to produce mass quantities of it. He's still managing to have a day or two completely off per week between the two jobs, which is important as well. I'm so glad for him to have found something so well suited to his time & talents, not to mention the pay's much better than Oliver's, too! :)

As for me, I'm getting both excited and a twinge nervous about the impending labor & birth, but am definitely looking forward to holding a new little soul in my arms afterward. If I haven't mentioned, we've decided to have Annika at home, preferably in the jacuzzi tub I love to love so much! I'll have to get a picture of it in here- it was the clincher in deciding to rent this house. (well, and the location so close to my parents and grandparents) Last time, labor was only 2 hours long, only 10 minutes of which was spent at the birthing center before Aiden was born and the ride there- 20 minutes- was hands down the WORST part of it. Since I've had 2 natural births before, I have no issues about my mental of physical capabilities of birthing naturally and the midwife we've chosen has decades of experience delivering babies, her RN, a MA in Psychocolgy, certification for Hypnotherapy and probably a few others I'm forgetting. She is wonderful, informed, calm & positive- all things I look forward to bringing to the birth.

Well, I've got to get back to Tobin's flashcards with him, as well as get through some more laundry and dishes before Randal comes home from work. As always, I hope you are well & I'd love to hear from you!

quote(s) for the day, from two different spiritual guides, both of which help me in my mental preparation for all of this:

"Rain, after all is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain; unless we resist it, then it becomes torment." I Ching

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Cinnamon makes EVERYthing better

hello again... I finally got around to developing the few pictures I had presence of mind to take during our crazy christmas as well as a few we finished up the roll with from earlier this week at Armstrong Grove. There's even one of my belly in there, although I daresay it looks much bigger in the pic than it does in real life- the  two shirts, two jackets and scarf probably help. It was cold! :) There were two ravens sitting and watching us the entire time, grooming each other and 'honking', as the boys called it. They are huge up close! You can see them in the tree in one of the pictures.

Randal's two-on, two-off schedule is really nice, especially when the weather permits. We've been to Howarth Park twice, the redwoods and the SuperPark in Sebastopol this week. Whew! Needless to say, I've been feeling a little better- I'm on my 5th puke-free day so far, woohoo! I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow- that's 58 days until my due date... not that I'm counting! ;) Of course, one can never *really* tell when she'll make her appearance- as long as she and I are healthy, I don't much care when. Unless she's late.

I'm starting to actually look pregnant now- I've gained 11 lbs! This is wonderful, considering I lost 9 or so at the beginning. (11 is the weight I've gained on TOP of gaining that 9 back, not since then!) I have been eating a lot of cinnamon on everything- I normally don't have much of a sweet tooth, but I've been loving UP on some chocolate lately! This is due in part to th fact that Randal's been trying out different pastries, mostly chocolate-based.... ohhhhhh, man. He is SUCH an amazing baker/chef/food whipper-upper.

We decided that during the labor (depending on how long/intense it is... this wouldn't have worked with Aiden!) we're going to bake a chocolate cake to give us busy work during the beginning part and chocolate smell for the rest. :) I got the idea from a book I recently finished called Birthing From Within where one method of dealing with labor is keeping busy (until you just can't) and repeating the mantra "I will only be in labor as long as it takes to bake, cool & ice a chocolate cake". They had some really good results, one being her very first Birth Day cake!

Well, I have to get back to my lovely DDGRs (that's Daily Domestic Goddess Rituals, in case you forgot) which also include giving Tobin his advanced placement English test and his *fifth* math placement test, since he hasn't missed a single one on the first four! Both boys are doing really well, playing, tumbling, fighting and romping together, as little boys should. I hope this finds you all well and as always, I'll write again when I get a minute! :)

quote for the day: "If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle." Irma Bombeck

extra pics

Since I finally figured out how to upload pictures from my cellphone, here is a smattering of random pictures from over the summer until now! :)

escape!

We did it. We escaped for a minute and it was great. Randal just called on his way home from work Friday and said, "Hey, I've (finally!) got a couple days off now... what are Grammy & Boppa up to?" So I called and found out! Grammy said, "Well, it's just fine if you just want to pack up and come this afternoon... no need to wait 'till tomorrow!" so I stopped cleaning the kitchen, packed up some (mostly) clean clothes for myself and the boys, waited for Randal to come home & do the same and we took off! It sure is nice to have people and a place to visit that is always welcome and refreshing... not to mention close & far enough to still be affordable, but actualy feel "away". I forgot the camera in my last-minute packing, so the ones here are just from my phone, but at least there are a few!

Most of them are from Saturday, where we went down to the docks to get crab right off of the boat, which was neat. As most of you know, we are primarily vegetarian, but I always told myself that I wouldn't push it on anyone else, including my children. I just want them to know the full cycle of where 'meat' comes from and save them from what I went through at 12- "You mean ribs are... RIBS?! From those sweet looking COWS?!? AAACK!!"

I think that we are raised so far from the farm that as children (and even as adults) we don't really put together that neat little packaging in the cold aisles of the store to some living creature that was killed for our consumption. Nature has been doing it for years, of course, but know for certain everything that hunts knows what it's hunting is alive and everything being hunted knows its place, all the parts are utilized by mother nature and there the animals are running, eating and excersizing as they should, not crammed into awful, unnatural conditions, scared sick and crazy from it. I don't need that in MY body, thanks. I am, however, not as grossed out and saddened by the consumption of free-range animals, that had near-natural living situations prior to their untiumely ends... I could go on a lot longer about the effects of factory farming on not only the animals themselves, but on the bodies they go into, the global ecenomy, the rainforests and on oil dependancy, but I'm too tired and the soapbox is bad for my back. For more information on any of that, try Jon Robbins' Diet for a New America, which is very informative and well researched.

But back to crabs...  I am okay ethically with the boys eating them because they were taken from their normal, natural habitat and given to us, alive and pinching. Aiden wanted to carry both bags, but found they were too heavy to get up the ramp, so Randal grabbed one bag, then Tobin picked up the other. Boppa said to him, "Now, if something wiggles in there, don't you get startled and drop it!", to which Tobin responded wide-eyed and very quickly, "You carry it!" :)

The next pictures are of our 'catch' and Randal doing as all boys seem to... playing with his food. He had one crab juicing a lemon over his compadres and then handed him a wooden spoon as well. Ah yes, the mind of a man unwinding. :) The (FREEZING) fresh air was cleansing and well needed (does there have to be an uncharacteristic cold front everywhere we travel??) and the visiting, as always, was cherished. Both Grammy & Boppa went through photo albums with the boys and their friend Mary, who is staying there for awhile, read Edgar Allen Poe to Tobin, which he loved and laid down for, asking questions here and there. Somehow, I'm not suprised.

He took his first placement test (math) for homeschool before we left town- it said most children take 30 minutes, to read him the questions and not help at all with the answers, -which I didn't- and he finished them all in under 10 minutes and got 100% right. Somehow, I wasn't suprised then, either. Amazed in amused, definitely, but not suprised.

Well, I have to get back to the laundry, dishes, lunch, Target and the rest of it all since we were gone for the long weekend. (Happy birthday, MLK Jr!) We are all mostly happy, healthy & well, although Randal & Aiden are still battling the end of the evil sinus-cold of doom... I hope you are all well and I'll try and write again soon... :)

quote for the day: "If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep the streets even as Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. The should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper, who did his job well'." Martin Luther King, Jr.

Christmas Schmegle!

I had to add an extra entry for these- I felt the last one had words & pictures enough! These pictures are of the four of us decorating our first Gingerbread House together at Amber & Gabby's. You can also see Aiden with Ziggy, their adorable French Bulldog- soulmates at first lick! Uhhh, no.... that's not tape & cups you see holding it together, it's frosting, I promise! I'm a Domestic Goddess, dagnabit! I suppose part of Goddess Domesticity has to do with the ability to adapt the the needs of a given situation with the materials available... kind of like Donna Reed meets McGyver. (however you spell that)

We just let the kids go for it- the icing was sticky and gloopy and it was, well... schmegle is the only word that comes to mind. I'm sure you understand. :) At the end, it was dubbed the Ginger Shack instead, and sported disembodied heads of smiling children on the roof (supposed to be looking out a window, a feature our shack did not not end up with) and two enormous corredsponding explosions of red glitter nearby. (no top on the sprinkles on that one) Randal and Anthony (Amber's partner in crime) were just throwing candies at the roof and seeing if they would stick or drop off into the scmegly pile below. It was good time, for sure!

The others are from a birthday party we went to of Tobin's friend, Nathan. Randal had about as much fun as the boys climbing in, on and around the huge blow-up obstacle courses, basketball court, "bammin game room" (as Aiden referred to it- of course, his favorite one...) slides & whatever else I'm forgetting. A perfect afternoon for a rainy Saturday! Alright, my eyes really are getting numb... I gave you two quotes before, so I don't feel bad about holding off for now. There is one in there of the kids decorating cookies and also one of a cake Randal made for xmas dessert at Amber & Gab's. Okay. I'm off for now.

... and to all a good night!

stiiilllll sick. yee-haw.

I chose "quiet" as my mood, since it's the closest translation they had available for gollygoshdarn exhaustified, and that's the G-version. A lot has happened since I last wrote, like a trip to Maryland for Thanksgiving and our first Christmas together as a foursome. One thing has remained constant through it all- the everlasting vomit of doom that I seem to have stumbled upon. The hospital says it's hyper-emesis (read: uber-pukin') which happens in less than 1% of pregnancies- lucky, lucky me. I've tried EVERYTHING. Sea-Bands, (accupressure wristbands) eating crackers & toast (after four months, this gets very, very old) ginger gum, soda & tea, other herbal teas (chammomile, peppermint & pregnancy, among others) soup & about 20 other things I can't think of at the moment, since I'm still deliriously tired from being up with Tobin and his earache for 2 hours last night and oh, I'm manufacturing a perect little human.

Speaking of which, so far we really like the name Annika, which is Scandinavian like both Randal & I, (he's Norwegian, I'm Danish) and means "grace" or "sweetness of face". It's a form of Annie, which was the name of my great-grandmother on my father's side (my 'Nanny', who I actually grew up right next to for the latter half of my life, along with her husband Harry, who we called 'Poppa') and is also the name of a family friend whom I also grew up with and consider one of my many 'other mothers'. :) We like Anya for short, but are still stuck on a middle name. My middle name (Kristine) is also Scandanavian, but I don't like the two "K" sounds right next to each other. Aaaaand there we sit. Any suggestions?

The pictures are mostly from cutting down our tree at the Spirit of Christmas Tree Farm in Sebastopol, where my family has gone to cut down our tree for almost as long as I can remember. My parents opted for the Costco tree with no dropping needles, its own attached lights and enormous carrying case this year, so it was only right we took over! The other pictures are of a couple days later when my cousin Kimberly was visiting with her husband Steve & kids, Ashley, Dylan and Jenna from Arizona. We took them to Howarth Park and let them run, which is always appreciated by both parents and children alike. She had some awesome photos with her much better camera from that day I should try and get from her, too.

It stinks that they live so far, since she homeschools her kids (which I am starting with Tobin next week, but I'll get to that) and is a young, stay-at-home mom of three, which I am soon to be. They used to live in Sacramento for a number of years, as did my only other two cousins (my dad's sister Gail's son Ricky & daughter Stephanie) but moved for Steve's job and Jenna's asthma. They are doing really well and enjoying the non-crazymaking housing costs and drier air.

Another new development is that Randal has been hired at Kendall Jackson Winery (www.kj.com) as one of their 15 on-call chefs, which is quite an accomplishment- he starts during the start of their peak season in February. I'm excited for his skill and creativity to have a place to be appreciated, especially since I haven't been able to much lately. Over the Holidays, he was working a second job at Oliver's PT as a Baker/Cake Decorater, but has finally ended the position there (well, I think technically he's still on call there since they couldn't bear to see him actually go- figures!) which means he has just the one job working as a cook in the Coast Guard, with a two-on, two-off, two on, three off schedule. Kind of confusing, but the two long  days (and I mean LONG- he leaves between 3am-4am and gets home usually around 7pm, although every other workday is a half-day, where he gets home around 3pm instead) pay off with the days off in between, where we actually get to see each other in the light of day, and even spend time together as a family, since Tobin is now out of public school and starting homeschool, a subject I will now explain.

Basically, Tobin (being Tobin and absorbing and retaining information like the supersponge he's always been) was bored in school and acting out physically, which landed him in the principal's office four times within the first four months. Tobin is NOT the one I thought I'd be hearing home about, especially not  by his second week of Kindergarten! It was also many other components, like the way his teacher dealt with discipline (which I was privy to, volunteering in his class weekly) and telling kids to "grow up!" repeatedly. She also crumbled up his painting in front of him, telling him it was trash because he didn't paint it at the right time and a number of other things I don't need to snowball into- we spoke with the principal a number of times about switching classes and to her directly about other methods of dealing with his acting out, but to no avail. He came home almost daily saying "I don't like school", "I'm not learning anything!" and "Mommy, I need to be doing more things with... what's that word with 'create' and 'tivity' at the end?". 

I gave it a couple of weeks, then months to wear off and settle in- perhaps with a different child, I would think he was just having trouble adjusting (which is still true to a point) but Tobin has always, always been incredible in his ability to truthfully asses himself and his surroundings verbally and I feel it is my job to listen to him. ...hence, I will homeschool him for the rest of the year until we get our financial aid secured for him to enter Waldorf school for first grade. Besides, with Randal gone most mornings and me with rabid morning sickness, it's very, very hard to get myself and both boys up, dressed and fed by 8:15, especially if I've been up sick half the night before.

The boys were fighting a lot (which apparently is about 3/4 of what brothers do for the first decade or so. Jeez!) during the time Tobin was in school as well, and since Winter break (which is when we pulled him, since it was a natural breaking point, anyhow) I have noticed them communicating much better and playing more cooperative games together, some of which include 'dinosaurs', 'dragons' and 'crocodile hunter'- which made Steve Irwin's untimely passing on Labor Day (a freak accident with a bull ray barb to the heart, in case somehow you missed it) even more saddening. I feel so awful for Terri & their two children, Bindi & Bob- but back to my own living family!

Most of the games Aiden plays are "bammin' games" and involve Daddy and bedpillows. (since we've had to instate a rule about using couch and throw pillows- they were starting to look like a bunch of saggy peanuts!) Tobin is into mysitcal folklore, which I think is fabulous. This made their first viewing of  'The Chronicles of Narnia' extra-wonderous. (of course, Aiden had to ask, "Is there bammin"?" before he would sit down for it, but still...) Tobin has also kindled a love for Legos, which made receiving Randal's unparallel decade-long collection for Christmas the. best. thing. ever. in his book- and in Randal's too, since he has full license to play- I mean, uh... "assist" Tobin in constructing with them again. ;) There is a great picture in there of them playing together over a FULL table (which was not even 1/5 his massive collection) of Legos in Maryland, where we spent a full rainy afternoon sorting them by people, color & set. Holy, holy cow. That was love, right there.

We also got to see the Natural History Museum in Washington, D. C. when we were back East, which was hands down the BEST museum I've ever been to- and what's more, it's FREE! I couldn't believe it- I can't even fathom how much it would cost if it were in San Francisco- at least $20 a person or so. We also visited the National Air & Space Museum, where I thought Tobin's eyes were going to pop out of his head at the right of REAL airplanes & rockets. I'm still stuck on the Natural History one, though. They had dinosaurs (which I don't ever recall seeing before!) which was especially great since both boys are very into them right now. Unfortunately, the lighting inside was awful and only a single picture turned out. (Tobin and I checking out a light/color demonstration)

They had a part with all sorts of stuffed animals (not, mind you, ones you'd like to cuddle up to at night) from around the globe and one with all kinds of natural minerals and crystals, not the least of which included the Hope Diamond (one of the few other pictures that turned out, though I daresay it does it NO justice whatsoever) and some really amazing pieces of jewelry & gemstones, which I have a newfound appreciation for now that I've gone through jewelry boot camp having managed the counter at Gottschalks last year. It was a wonderful time to spend with family we don't get to see very often- everyone had a lot of fun, even though it was FREEEEZING, as it always seems to be when we arrive. They assure me it does get warm there, but I'm not sure I believe it. The few other pictures from Maryland are of Colleen and Aiden playing CandyLand (in his camo-skateboard jammies!) and of the boys painting pictures in Grandma Linda's living room.

Whew! I haven't written this much in awhile! It helps that Randal's two days off were the last two days, which he just spent around the house, getting things done here & there, including taking down all of our Christmas decorations, rearranging the living room and cleaning the rest of the house. I usually take the time to clean, do dishes & laundry and the rest of it when Randal is working and take days off when he does, but when I'm sick, as I have been, it's really nice to have help, especially with the vacuuming, which hurts my lower back quite a bit these days and making Tobin's top bunk, which is a bit of an acrobatic feat, much hindered by my blossoming belly. You can see what of it there is a little bit in the last picture with Kimberly & I, but since I'm stiiiiiill sick, I haven't been much for weight gain.

I feel terrible, too, because Randal is the most amazing chef and baker I have ever encountered and half of the time the mere presence of food on my tongue is enough to make whatever I have managed to get down make an encore. It hurt his feelings the first couple of times I went to taste it and spit it out directly in the garbage, but by now he's accepted that it's not his cooking, it's just food in general. Fun. I've at least enjoyed two stretches of non-illness, one lasting 9 days and the other a whopping 13. Lucky number, my tookus! Ah well. Three more months at the most.

Which brings me nicely back to baby... they've tried and perscribed a number or medicines at the Birthing Center, none of which have had much effect and all of which I am uncomfortable taking, since I don't even take pills when I'm NOT pregnant. I don't think that supressing the symptoms with man-made chemical compounds is the answer- I believe in treating the source Holisitcally with naturally occuring elements, so that the symptoms stop happening in the first place. The birthing center has told me that if I choose to treat myself herbally or homeopathically myself, for insurance purposes I have to have the baby in a hospital, since it wouldn't be treatment they officially perscribed and couldn't be held responsible if complications were to arise. However, if I take their pills and suppositories, I can have the baby there, which boils down to: If I pop pills for the next three months (or choose not to take canything at all and resign to being miserable) then I can have the baby naturally at the birthing center, or if I treat myself (doing NOTHING I haven't fully researched as safe during pregnancy, of course!) herbally/homeopathically/naturally, I have to have the baby in a hosptial. Did I lose something here?

... which brings me to the idea of a homebirth. Since I've already had both children naturally, that part of it isn't an issue for me. Not, mind you, that I paticularly care for willingly submitting myself to mindblowing pain, but that it is more important to me that my newborn's first impression of the world is calm, natural and filled with "normal" surroundings, not white, metal, covered faces & hair, drugs and bright lights. No offense to many of those who chose the hospital birth- I found myself considering an epidural for a short while, but all in all, I feel as if I did it twice, I can do it once more and never, ever do it ever again.

I have found a midwife who does home waterbirths, which would be SO great! I had Tobin in water and it was MUCH preffered to hanging halfway off a bed, screaming, a grandmother at each side, a la Aiden. I am also looking for a Doula, who is essentially a source of encouragement and guidance both for the laboring mother as well as anyone else who might be around to help, including but not limited to an overwhelmed father-to-be. :) Handy, since this will be Randal's first birth experience, though this is my third.

The thought of not having to travel while in labor (which was simply awful and one of my least favorite parts) and having my shower, enormous bathtub, fridge and bed all at my disposal sounds simply wonderful. I also like the idea because that is the way women have had children for hundreds and hundreds of years, and in a way I feel it connects me to all of them in a rite of passage of sorts.

Well, I think my eyes are going to go numb if I type much more and you're probably feeling the same about yours! :) I'm glad to have had a minute (or more!) to spend giving you all the latest- I hope this finds you well and having enjoyed the calm after the storm that is the holidays. As always, I welcome your comments and would love to hear how you are and any name suggestions to go with Annika/Anya, too!

love and a faerie happy new year to you...

quote for the day: "Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn and find by experience that a quiet conscience makes one strong." Anne Frank

...and one other, one that I love and think is an important one to read as we come into the new year and think about our lives- it is often credited to Nelson Mandela since he used it in his 1994 inaugural speech, but actually written by Marianne Williamson in her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child ofGod.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."